Lovely day today with friends hearing about their lives. Thank you all for visiting.

Thank you especially for the gooseberries which we made into crumble - yummy! So much better than hospital food. So glad the anti-sickness tablets are working.

Missing school loads and wishing I could be part of the end of term clear up. Hoping to come in soon . Much love to you all. xxx

Hi everyone. I had a peaceful day yesterday - so glad not to have to go to the hospital.
I enjoyed the tennis - Nadal was amazing. I am going to miss it now it is over.

I am looking forward to spending time with friends today. It is lovely to hear about your lives as we tend to feel we are living in a bubble of illness. My tablets make me feel spaced out which makes everything feel a bit hazy. It is quite an odd feeling.

Paul and I struggled today with my head scarf. It took about 3 goes to get it right and i still feel like a chicken!! He asked me to look up so he could check it forgetting that my head doesn't go up due to the Tess line and plasters. We both ended up laughing - the best medicine.

Hi everyone

Thank you for your comments it is good to know people are reading this.

Dialysis yesterday was yuck. My blood pressure dropped at the beginning and I felt awful. If you have a moment please pray that they can sort that out.

When I came home I was so tired I couldn't do anything except doze. I am looking forward to 2 days now without dialysis. Hopefully when I go on Tuesday I will see a Dr to sort out the medication I take for the high blood pressure as I think this is too much. I remain peaceful and appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers.

Good morning everyone. The day started a bit yuckily by being sick. I must remember to take my anti-sickness tablets as soon as I wake. It is a beautiful day and I am grateful for each new day. I am off to dialysis again at lunchtime. It is hard to get my head around the changes in our lives that have happened so fast. It is taking its toll on all of us.

My hair is now nearly all out. I look very odd with funny tuffs all over the top. I will be glad when it has all gone. Beginning to think I would like a wig just to look 'normal' again. We take so much forgranted. On a positive note I won't have to wash it when it is gone. Bathing and washing are quite tricky as I am not allowed to get the PIC line or the Tes line wet. It is amazing how much you do without thinking and then I end up wet. Chloe comes with me when I have a bath and holds my arm to remind me not to put it into the water. What a lovely daughter!

I have had a lovely day today after a bit of a stroppy start. I am struggling with all I can't do and took it out on Paul and Chloe which was horrid. I think they have forgiven me.

I have had lots of lovely visitors all bringing their lives with them. It is such a privilege to be involved in other peoples lives. Thank you for your visits.

I am not looking forward to dialysis tomorrow. I am hoping it will be better than yesterday. Having to remind myself to live in today and not worry about tomorrow.

Another better night - so good not to be disturbed by the noise of the ward.

Yesterdays dialysis was yuck. I went in with low blood pressure and it dropped during dialysis so I ended up lying with my head very low for 2 hours. It was very busy in the dialysis unit and I felt very much like a 'patient' rather than a person. Hopefully it will be better on Saturday. On the plus side my new lines worked very well and meant it was much easier to move about during dialysis. There is now a lot of discussion about the tablets I am taking for the blood pressure which involved 3 phone conversations with nurses and drs last night. We now have a temporary plan until I see the Drs to discuss. In the mean time Chloe is practising her medicine on me with our home BP machine.

We are just coming to terms with the changes to my diet as a result of being on dialysis. I can only have 750ml of fluid in a day. This sounds ok until you add up all the fluid there is in food. Not at all sure how to measure the fluid in a tomato!!! I also have to be careful of the levels of phosphorous and potassium I eat. This leads to quite a change in my diet although they do encourage all things in moderation.

We keep chatting to my kidneys ( named Flopsy and Mospey) in the hope that they will remember what they are supposed to be doing. It is possible that they will spring into life at anytime.

I am looking more and more like a chicken with a 'bad feather day' as my hair falls out. Thinking it is nearly time for a visit to the hair dressers to have it shaved. I think today will be my first day in a head scarf as I have quite a few visitors booked in to see me. I am sure they don't mind what I look like but I would prefer to look less chicken like and more person like. I am really looking forward to a day with friends and no hospitals.

I am not sure where to start so I will start at the beginning and keep going til the end!!

I can't quite believe that it was 15th June when I went to the hospital expecting to stay a day and have a blood transfusion. I was admitted later that day for 4 units of blood. I had a lovely stay in Dunedin looked after by lovely staff.

The funniest moment at Dunedin was related to urine measuring. Any one of a delicate constitution should look away now. I have to measure in put and out put of fluids. The nurse asked me to wee into a container and she would measure it - 'just press the bell when you have done it'. Ok so deed done I pressed the bell. If the bell sounds and is not answered within a certain time an emergency bell sounds. OK so they didn't answer it quickly enough and the emergency bell went off. Before I know what is happening 5 nurses are running at full pelt into my room followed by a Dr calling 'I'm coming' and I am standing in the room holding my wee feeling very foolish!!! Lots of laughter later all was restored to normal.

The hardest time at Dunedin was waiting for the transport to take me to Royal Berks having been told that my kidneys were in crisis and I would probably need dialysis. At that time my blood pressure was through the roof and I was quite out of it.

Paul eventually took me to Royal Berks and we settled into a little side room. Chloe made me a beautiful wall of happiness of all your cards and butterflies all fluttering around. The butterflies are a symbol which we used when I was ill before. They remind me of freedom with God even when our earthly situation is so hard. I was so encouraged by my wall reminding me constantly of all your love and prayers. Chloe is going to replicate my wall at home now.

My stay at Royal Berks was tough but I was well cared for throughout my stay. I have had a huge team of Drs trying to figure out what has happened to my kidneys and why. I have had masses of tests and my blood has been tested for everything. The outcome of all the tests is still unsure but the 'working ' diagnosis is 'sclerederma crisis'. This means that the kidneys have been affected by the sclerederma which is part of the mixed connective tissue disease. However there is still a possibility that it is something called HUS which was caused by the chemotherapy. This makes it very hard for the Drs to decide how to proceed. We will be seeing the oncology consultant today hopefully. The good part of all this is that my kidneys can recover but it may take 3 -6 months to do so. Please pray about this as it would be wonderful to have working kidneys again.

I will be having dialysis at the Royal Berks 3 times a week for 4 hours. It is hard to get my head around this - me sitting still for 4 hours mmmmmmmmmmmm! The adjustment to our lives is huge and has an impact on us all. I have had a permanent line called a Tess fitted under my skin on my chest which has 2 little lines coming out of it to be used for dialysis. I also have a less permanent line fitted into my arm to be used for taking blood and for giving chemo. This is called a PIC line. So I am all set up and ready to go!

I was joined in my hospital room by a lovely lady I will call 'M' She brightened my days. She was 88 years old and very spirited. She slipped easily between reality and a happy world of confusion. One evening she decided that we had been shop lifting and the nurses were actually police officers. She suggested that we should run away before they got us. The image of her with her zimmer frame and me with all my tubing running anywhere really made me laugh. I will miss her morning wave and smile.

So here I sit with my huge bag of tablets working out what to take when and facing the future one day at a time. I continue to completely trust that God is in control and that there is a purpose in all of this. He remains in the centre of the storm holding my hand and calming the waves. He is my rock and my redeemer.