Lovely to know that my girlie is home sleeping in the next room. She is going to revise today while I go to dialysis but at least she will be here to spend the evening with. I plan to watch The Kings Speech which I am really looking forward to seeing after everyone loved it. Hope it doesn't make me cry in dialysis!

I am feeling much better today - still achy but not so bad. The exhaustion is so weird as you wake and feel like you have had no sleep. My body feels like it can't function because it is so tired. Thankfully I know it will get better.

While I have been writing this Paul has arrived to tell me that Papageno has climbed a tree. The biggest tree in our neighbourhood - and we can see him high up in its branches balancing precariously. Very frightening - although he doesn't seem in the least bit scared. Paul has gone out and called him and he has come down. Hurrah! He had gone after a bird. ho hum! He is such a brave kitten - or maybe a foolhardy one! I haven't seen any of our neighbourhood cats in this tree before - only ours!!!! I like it best when he is in our house or garden - safe.

Hope you all have happy Saturdays planned.

Not at all sure what has happened to my blog today. I have been unable to blog and I have lost yesterdays comments. mmmm must be to do with 'blogger'.

Yesterdays dialysis went well. 2 blunt needles and not much bleeding - thankfully. I also had a different nurse needling me. I also had a lovely morning having coffee at a friends house who has a birds nest with a camera. I was able to watch Mummy and Daddy blue tits feeding their 5 babies. It was so lovely seeing their wide open mouths as they waited to feed. The chicks are just beginning to explore their nest so were wondering around so we had a great view of them. I loved their hairstyles!

Today I have been yuck. I was awake a lot in the night and feel like I have been punched all over. The joy of chemo! I am exhausted - it certainly wipes me out. I was unable to host bible study - sorry ladies. It is amazing though that that is the first time I think I have had to cancel in this year.

Chloe is on her way home for the weekend - she is bringing home revision. I am looking forward to hearing about her last 2 weeks. I think she has seen some interesting surgery. She is really enjoying surgery - which is a surprise.

Josh and Debz have found a flat to live in when they are married. It looks lovely from the pictures I have seen. I will look forward to actually seeing it when we go to Brighton. It is a little bit out of the centre but very accessible and unfurnished so they can begin to collect furniture.

Ben has finished school and is now revising for exams. I can't believe that my baby could leave school if he wished and get a job. It seems only a breath away I was giving birth to him. He is our gift and I am so glad to have him as part of our lives.

Tomorrow dialysis and 'The Kings Speech' Should have popcorn so that I can imagine I am in the cinema.

Chemo number 3 - tick. I had to wait until after 1 for the chemo to arrive - ho hum! But at least it is now done. I had a 10% reduction in the dose to reduce the side effects. I maybe half way through or 3/4 through depending on what happens with this dose. But it is done.

We went to the garden centre on the way home and got plants for our hanging baskets. Hopefully I will plant them up at the weekend - if I have enough energy. I also had a very nice cup of coffee.

Today I am going to have coffee with G and see her chicks before dialysis. I am looking forward to that. I am hoping that dialysis is more straightforward this time and NO bleeding.

This time last year I was settling back into work and my life had returned to a new normal. I was taking methotrexate for the mixed connective tissue disease and it was controlling it. I could never have guessed what was around the corner when I went to see the GP. I could never have seen what the year would bring. I am a different person because of this year and my family is a different family because of it. Our lives have been forever changed - some is for the better I am sure. I am hoping we all allow this time to change us for the better.

Joy and Matt popped in last night and brought me the most beautiful butterfly candle. I love it. We also sat and watched the sunset from my bedroom window. God's beautiful world just outside. I don't need to travel miles to see beauty - it is all around me. Mostly reflected in my friends and familys love and care.

Ho Hum - it was all going so well yesterday - dialysis had gone well 2 blunt needles and then just getting ready to come off and my blood pressure dropped very very low. I had to be given quite a lot of fluid before I felt well again. Thankfully Paul had been to Oncology to tell Dr C that I would still be in dialysis when he had finished the clinic so he came to find me. We chatted about the side affects and blood results and then I mentioned my numb fingers and how it is creeping further up my hands and he sighed and said ok that changes things. We now have to make some choices in order to prevent for ever damage to my hands and feet. He has decided to reduce the dose of chemo that I will have today - as it will have already been made up this will involve the nurses stopping the drip when I have had about 3/4 of the dose. If the numbness continues to creep even with a lower dose we will have to stop after the next lot of chemo. Not sure how I feel about that as my wedding head says yes lets stop after 4 but my sensible head says no lets continue for 6 to make sure we kill every little tiny cancer cell that might be left in my body. We shall see what happens.

I then decided that I would bleed everywhere - covering the poor nurse. And I continued to bleed for nearly 2 hours. What that means is that I don't actually squirt blood for 2 hours but I have a nurse pressing on my arm to try and stop the bleeding and then every so often they check to see if the bleeding has stopped. If it hasn't the fistula pumps blood into the air - making a big mess. So we again resorted to seaweed which seemed to work and I was eventually able to go home, collecting chicken and chips from the chip shop on the way.

Today - chemo all being well. Then maybe a visit to the garden centre on the way home if I feel ok.

Thank you everyone for continuing to read this blog despite the boring nature of it. I am aware that my life and therefore this blog revolves around illness. Illness is never far away in my thoughts and dominates all I do or can't do. Yesterday felt like a glimpse of normality which is usually far away. I really enjoyed my day and fitted in quite a lot of things. I have been discouraged to read that it takes about a year to recover from chemo and for your body to return to normal. But yesterday - in the midst of chemo I did feel like normal life (or my new normal ) was going to be possible. Maybe in the future there will be days when I don't think about being ill and when I can have a more normal life.

Today dialysis with D, blood tests and a visit with oncologist. Hope all is well for chemo tomorrow - number 3 - half way.

The picture is of me with Papageno in our garden on Sunday.

Sorry for the late post I have had a lovely busy day. I started it early with a visit to the physio. This was followed by a bit of ironing with my new iron and then shopping and coffee with a friend R. Lunch and then a quick sleep before coffee with another friend R. It has been a lovely day and makes me so wish for chemo to end so that I can have more days like this.

Yesterday I had a lovely time at Saville Gardens - it was really beautiful full of colour. We are so lucky to live in such a beautiful country.

Tomorrow I have dialysis and appointment with oncologist before chemo number 3 on Wednesday

After describing my dreams yesterday i had a very vivid dream last night about the hairdressers. I had gone to a new hairdressers and was describing how I wanted my hair cut and she was writing notes. She was saying that as my hair was so thick I would need extra time etc... It wasn't until the end of the dream that i noticed that I was sitting there with no hair. It was then that I woke up! (for those that don't know me well I don't like going to the hairdressers and I hate having my hair cut)

Yesterday was ok 1 sharp 1 blunt needle at dialysis and quite a lot of pain. I was also quite grumpy in the evening - poor Paul. Thank goodness for new days. I am not looking forward to more chemo - it is so hard to be patient and trust.

Today church and Saville gardens - hoping it stays dry.