Grey, grey, grey............................. enough grey! I am struggling this week to find joy only grey! I need to work through the grey and find .... yellow and orange and purple and pink and red and blue and lilac and ....................... the list continues. It is so easy to focus on all things grey.

I saw the physio on Tuesday - she fitted me into a little slot as she is away for a couple of weeks. She has ordered me a special compression sleeve and a glove to wear all day to reduce the swelling. This should help with the last bits of swelling and my arm may go back to normal. At least even as it is it is much more normal and I am not sure you would notice it now if you looked at me and didn't know. That is amazing! Tomorrow I have my stitches out so hopefully my arm will feel even better without them.

I am off to look for colour in my day!

This week has been some what tough. I have struggled with the pain and been grumpy and impatient. It feels like I take 2 steps forward and start getting into a routine and catching up on life and then wham bam something happens to stop it. I just want to do normal!

Despite all this pointless moaning I am getting better. My arm is less painful and I can move it more. I am now using 2 arms to do some things at least. By the evening it is quite painful again but it is improving. It has remained at just a little bit larger than normal which is fine. My hope had been to be able to get into my t-shirts and jumpers and mostly I can. It maybe that the physio can help me to get back to completely normal we shall see.

This week I have coffee with friends, some shopping, some stitches out, some cooking, some flower arranging, bible study and Chloe comes home for the weekend.

We have enjoyed lovely meals over the weekend thanks to my bible study ladies. Cooking with one arm is very tricky!

My youngest boy has kept me happy with his singing. He is good company and I love hearing him laugh.

I have discovered pinterest which is a site where you collect pictures on boards of all things you love. I love it - it satisfies my creative need when I only have 1 arm and can't create.

How beautiful everything looks in white! All sparkling. I am very glad to be tucked up in the warm though and grateful for no dialysis.

Papageno ventured out into the snow - very surprised by all this white stuff. He tried to dig it all away! He then walked around the garden shaking his paws after every step looking very frightened by all the drips landing on his head. He quickly decided that he needed to come back in and is now sitting at the back door miaowing at the snow! He would like us to make it disappear.

My arm is slowly improving - still quite sore and I am living on paracetamol. But it is better than it was. I am learning to manage with one arm. Hoping that we have no hospital visits this week.

mmmm - still very sore and now quite lumpy! My scar looks quite like a little worm creeping along my arm. Hopefully it will settle down. However my arm looks so much better no longer like an elephant arm. It is almost back to its normal size. Who would have thought it would be so quick. Maybe the pain is as a result of the lymph drainage - who knows. Just hoping it isn't the nerve being damaged.

Our poor neighbour has had a flood in her house. A pipe has split and leaked into her bedrooms and lounge and dining room. Everything is soaked. It is going to take ages to get sorted. So not the weather to have this happen. I am very thankful for my warm house.

Friday - and my arm is still very sore but at least it is the same size as yesterday. Hopefully it will improve over the weekend. I am pretty useless with only one arm! Also I am finding it quite difficult to concentrate on anything due to the pain which is very distracting - I have decided that I really don't do pain! I become pathetic! And impatient! And grumpy!

So all plans for weekend cancelled and I will go with the flow. If pain still here on Monday I will be complaining loudly!

Awoke this morning with a very sore but much smaller arm. I can't quite believe it but my arm has shrunk in the night. The consultant said yesterday that it might take weeks to see any change so I wasn't expecting that!

It was another long day yesterday - we left home at 9.30 and got back home just before 8. I was the last person on their list so waited from 11.30 until 4.45 to go to theatre. Thankfully I had taken plenty to read and listen to. The surgery was quite straightforward although I bled quite a bit. My arm is now nicely bandaged and very sore. I have to go back in 6 weeks to have it checked and to make plans for the other arm if needed in the future.

The nurse who looked after me after the surgery couldn't understand that I hadn' t had a fistula made and tried to give me instructions as to how to look after a fistula. She gave me a stethoscope to listen to the buzzing and I explained that it wouldn't be buzzing as it had been tied off. She just kept insisting that I needed the stethoscope. Then she gave me a letter to take to dialysis, which I told her I don't do. So she then said 'oh you will be doing that in a about 6 weeks when your fistula is ready'. I again explained that I had had my fistula tied off. It was only when I explained that I used to do dialysis and had now stopped that she seemed to understand what I was saying. I think she thought I was stupid and didn't understand fistulas! Once she understood she was then amazed and said she had never heard of anyone stopping dialysis except if they had a transplant.

Thank you all for your good wishes, thoughts and prayers. Think it might take a few days for recovery.

Well here we are hopefully last day of hospitals for a while. Thank you so much for all your messages this morning both text, email and facebook. I am feeling surrounded by your thoughts and prayers. They mean so much. Hopefully today will go smoothly. It does seem amazing to be having my fistula closed off. |I did expect to have this fistula for the rest of my life. It will be strange not to have the buzzing in my arm any more. I am not aware of it until I touch my arm and then I can feel it - the swishing of the blood as it pulses through the vein at high speed. It is almost exactly a year since we started using it in dialysis. It would be wonderful if this does sort my arm out or if it at least enables me to be able to wear a compression sleeve to reduce its size. We shall see.

I will let you know later how it goes if I can or tomorrow if it is too late when i get home. My appointment is 11.30 in Oxford for an afternoon op.