Plans are nothing; planning is everything. – Dwight D. Eisenhower

So I proved that plans are nothing! My lovely plans for the weekend fell apart. I was merrily cooking away in the kitchen for lunch with the chicks when I did something to my back. Suddenly I was struggling to breathe and moving was tricky. After a discussion with my nearly Dr and a few scary words which included blood clots on lungs and intercostal musles we decided to leave it a bit before a trip to the hospital. Unfortunatly with me we now expect the worst case scenario! My mixture of diseases means that I am more likely to have 'scary' things happen to me! Thankfully after a while it settled down into symptoms of a pulled intercostal muscle. I have no idea how I managed to do that whilst cooking a cheese and onion flan and make Lisa Faulkner's sausage rolls! So I have spent the weekend in bed! Breathing is now easier and I am left feeling a bit like I have been kicked by a horse! Unfortunatly I can't take anti inflammatories because of my kidneys so just rely on paracetamol. As Eisenhower says though - planning is everything - I had planned and the others just stepped in and carried out the plan! My poor family are getting good at doing that. Picking up the pieces. It was really lovely to see Josh and Debs and to catch up with their news.I was very sad not to be able to go to the  Iceskating but I am looking forward to hearing all about it.

We have now enetered the 3 week stretch of exams - Ben starts today and carries on for 2 weeks, Chloe begins next week for 2 weeks and then it will be over - hurrah! Thankfully they are both quite calm - just wanting to get them over and done. I am sure all you mummies out there know the stress for mums - we can do nothing except want the best for your child.

So today - another quiet day hopefully to fully recover. Then a steady week, which includes my final renal blood test (hopefully) and a visit to a new GP. I am feeling a bit sorry for her as she has inherited me and will now take over my renal care! I wonder whether she will see me as a challenge or a nuisance?

All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well" Julian of Norwich

My chicks!

Today we are having an unexpected lunch with the chicks. Chloe and Ed are here for the weekend and Josh and Debs are popping in for lunch - lovely. My favourite thing is to have all my chicks together - there will be lots of noise and laughter I am sure.On Sunday I am going to an early performance of dancing on ice the professionals with some of my girlies.

This week has been good - I am slowly learning to be content! It is something that doesn't happen overnight and involves a change in my thinking. We spend so much of our time striving, being busy filling every second with activity. So having to slow down and take time to rest goes against every fibre of my being. But I am learning - looking at the calendar and planning my time more carefully. Learning to say no to things which will take up too much energy or doesn't give me time to rest in between. I am also having to learn to deal with the guilt that brings - saying no is hard. Paul is helping and telling me when I need to say no and when I need to make good choices. I think it will take a while to get this right.

One of the good things about rest is it does give me time to think! Which is good because we have been tackling GRACE in our bible studies recently. That takes some thinking about. Grace is the undeserved favour of God - and I think it is mind blowing. It turns everything on its head once you understand that you can't earn God's love - nothing you do can make you worthy of him loving you. Absolutely nothing! No amount of being good, no amount of bible study or prayer or selfless acts, NOTHING. How freeing is that. It means that there needs to be no guilt. Because it is all about Him and not about me. Then when I act it is because I do so in response to that love, because of the relationship. That takes some thinking about! Good job I have time!

This week brings exams for my boy, coffee with friends, planting up my baskets and pots, bible study, tutoring, planning for Chelsea, we are going on 22nd May and wonderfully Kit is coming with us. (How exciting!) and of course plenty of rest!

I love rheumatologists!

I had a really good appointment yesterday and feel very reassured. We discussed my tiredness and the reasons for it. He was keen for me to understand that I am doing really well despite having chronic diseases. My blood results, lung function tests and heart echo show that my body is coping well. He repeatedly commented on how lovely my skin is! He was saying how rare it is for scleroderma patients to recover skin elasticity. I commented that the down side was that I was now getting wrinkles – he thought that very funny saying ‘better wrinkles than tight scaly skin’. We both agreed with that. He felt that the tiredness is a result of a combination of diseases, tablets and past damage. I asked about how much effect the autoimmune disease still had and he said that it would still have a huge effect on my body. I asked about the fluey symptoms I have in the evenings and he said that is still part of the autoimmune disease. So this is it – the new normal. I have wondered what the new normal would be like and I think we have reached it. We discussed learning to pace myself and not trying to do too much in a day! It was good to hear that this is ok – that there isn’t something I should be doing to make it better but learning to accept that this is my life. I will continue to plan in rest days and learn not to feel that I have to apologise all the time when I can’t do something. I think he was trying to tell me to be grateful that I am as well as I am. So that is what I will try to do. Content – right here right now. Blessed with all that I can do and all that I have. Thankful for each and every day.

Today – flowers for church arrangements, some cooking for the weekend, and a trip to buy compost for my sweet peas who really need new pots.

Lovely, lovely weekend in Stratford.

We arrived at 11.30 on Saturday and the hotel let us check in early. We had lunch in their lovely restaurant and then I had a sleep while Paul had a walk along the riverside. We then met up with some friends that we hadn't seen for 25 years - wow! It was so lovely to see them and catch up.

Wonderful meal in the Rooftop restaurant at the RSC overlooking the river. Paul had booked the same seats as we had last year tucked away in the corner with wonderful views.

We saw As you like it and it was every bit as good as the reviews it has been getting. The round seating is great and our seats at the side make you feel as if you are actually in the play yourself. I loved every minute of it and once it was over I just wished I could see it all again. It was set with a modern day setting and used a festival theme. There was very clever use of a pit for many parts of the play. Pippa Nixon is so wonderful as Rosalind and Alex Waldermann brilliant as Orlando.

As with many of Shakespeare's comedies there are some wonderfully poignant lines that speak right to the heart and take you from laughter to tears in a second.  The play ends with an exuberant wedding  party complete with rain and a wonderful speech by Rosalind. 

As you can tell I loved it!

It was a very late night for me and we had planned to stay in Stratford for a Sunday Lunch but I woke on Sunday exhausted. So we decided to head home before lunch. However the trains are only every 2 hours so we managed a quick visit to the Butterfly farm which is next to the hotel. They have so many different species of butterflies. So many beautiful colours - I wish I could paint!

The last few days I have been recovering! Today I have a 6 monthly appointment with the rheumatologist. I am going to discuss the tiredness with him - not expecting any answers but you never know!

The photos of As you like it are from the Internet.

Tiredness

So the skies are a little grey - I was hoping for sunshine but the weekend beckons. Paul and I are off to Stratford for a birthday celebration for Paul. We are going to see As you like it and eat in the beautiful Rooftop restaurant, followed by a night in a hotel and (hopefully) a lovely breakfast and a long lazy lunch. As ever I am hoping for enough energy to cope. We went last year and spent 2 very busy days in Stratford. I am aware now that my energy reserves are less than they were then. I do need to have more stopping time and on Monday I know I will be wiped out. Somehow I need to get my mind around the tiredness aspect of my illness as it still creeps up and surprises me. On Tuesday I went to Bookclub which was great fun and I really enjoyed my time with the ladies. But on Wednesday I tried to do too much (which wasn't much at all) and I was exhausted. Ho hum! A morning of shopping with Chloe on Thursday wrote me off for the rest of the day. I know I should be appreciating what I can do and not moaning and groaning about what I can't do but I still struggle with it. I am now writing rest days into the calendar but I am doing them with a grumpy face! It is hard to explain what it feels like when I get tired - it is as if my bones are exhausted. Every bit of me aches from my fingers to my toes and I feel quite sick. Despite this moaning I am SO thankful I can do all that I can. I think I need to learn contentment - with my new normal and look for joy even in the stillness. I have been given much - and I am thankful.

This week

We are in major revision mode here. Chloe is home (when she is not in Southampton for revision lectures) and revising and Ben has his A's exams in less than 2 weeks so is also revising. We are also surrounded by boxes, suitcases and bags as Chloe brings home 5 years of stuff! At the weekend our little house was bulging at the seams as Josh and Debs came to stay along with Ed and Chloe and Ben and Anna. It was so lovely all being together. We celebrated Paul's birthday and visited Trilakes to feed Alpacas and walk around the Lake. No photos as I didn't take a camera or my phone.

This week - a bits and pieces week, book club, tutoring, bible study, flowers, shopping with Chloe for a new dress, birthday lunch with Paul and at the weekend we go to Stratford. I am really looking forward to that - we are staying a night in a hotel and seeing 'As you like it' at the theatre and meeting up with some friends. I am hoping for a bit of sunshine too as last time we went there was flooding!

My seeds are coming on well - despite me forgetting them over the weekend! Our garden is looking lovely - thanks to Paul's hard work. I do love Spring when the sun is out.

God's Promise

 God hath not promised skies always blue,

Flower strewn pathways all our lives through;

God hath not promised sun without rain,

Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.

But God hath promised strength for the day,

Rest for the labor, light for the way,

Grace for the trials, help from above,

Unfailing sympathy, undying love.

 God hath not promised we shall not know

Toil and temptation, trouble and woe;

He hath not told us we shall not bear

Many a burden, many a care.

But God hath promised strength for the day,

Rest for the labor, light for the way,

Grace for the trials, help from above,

Unfailing sympathy, undying love.

 God hath not promised smooth roads and wide,

Swift, easy travel, needing no guide;

Never a mountain rocky and steep,

Never a river turbid and deep.

But God hath promised strength for the day,

Rest for the labor, light for the way,

Grace for the trials, help from above,

Unfailing sympathy, undying love.