3 days....

So Wednesday is here at last. We are now in the days which we have been time tabling for so long! I woke many times in the night and had little things whirling around in my head. Eventually at 6 I got up and wrote stuff down! My first text from Chloe was ahhhhhhhhh... Which worried me slightly as I assumed that was an 'oh no' ahhhhhh not an excited ahhhh... But all is fine she was just VERY excited. The last 2 days have gone well - my sickness is a little better after an adjustment to my drugs and lots of prayer. The house is looking lovely and clean and tidy, the beds are all made in readiness for all the people coming today. The bath is full of greenery ready for the 18 table decorations we are making. Tea is cooked and out of the freezer and I am off soon to collect flowers for church and table decorations. And the sun is shining! Please pray for a little sunshine on Saturday - we can cope with some rain - umbrellas arrived yesterday - but would love some sunshine for photos. 
Thank you so much for all yor texts, emails messages etc.... It is so lovely to hear from you and share a little of our excitement with you. 
For all you young mums - what a joy it is to be part of your children's journeys and to be standing alongside them as they make forever promises and begin their new families. My mind turns to all those not with us to enjoy the day, grateful for the family life they gave us and the principles and joys they passed on which we in turn have shared with our children. Saturday will be a day which will shine in our hearts as a forever memory - speaking of the importance of family as the families join together to celebrate the wedding of 2 wonderful young people.  All is well and all will be well! 

6 days to go........

So here we are in the week before the wedding. I have thought so often of this week and what it would feel like and now we are here. All is calm - I think. Chloe and Ed are here for the weekend and seem remarkably calm but excited. Both looking forward to their day. Our house is already full of wedding 'stuff' - not much room for people. 
Unfortunately I am still being very sick which is such a nuisance and means that I am quite unreliable - as I may have my head in a bucket! Thankfully most things are done - it is just the flowers to be done this week and we can take our time. I am going to try and appreciate every moment of this week as I know how fast it will go. I am so glad we can make forever moments together. I am sure you can understand that in my quiet moments I reflect on how hard this would have been for everyone if I had not been here and I am so so thankful I am able to be here fully part of everything. What a privilidge! 

We have also discovered recently that Paul has to have his gallbladder removed. This explains the terrible pain he has been having on and off for the last 2 years. We are relieved they have at last found a reason and that it can be sorted. He has an appointment with the consultant on Tuesday and hopefully will be able to book a time for the surgery. Poor Ben will then be carer to both his parents for a while! 

The week looks a bit like this - with gaps for resting and unexpected 'bits and pieces' ( I am quite concerned about these abstract bits and pieces as I can't plan for them) 
Monday - house tidying and bed making ready for the week ahead with my lovely sister 
Tuesday - greenery obtaining for table decorations and resting in preparation for the week 
Wednesday - collecting flowers and making up table arrangements, Chloe, Ed, Hilary and Kit arrive - Ed has list of jobs 
Thursday - flower arranging in church and nails 
Friday - marquee up, tandem to church, last wedding dress fitting, collecting my dress, rehearsal, table setting, church setting up, abstract bits and pieces, fish and chip supper here, Ed having a boys night at his dads, 
Saturday - THE WEDDING! I am so looking forward to the morning of getting ready with bridesmaids, Ed's mum, aunts, hairdressers, make up lady, lots of giggling and laughter, singing and music...... The wedding is at 2pm followed by canapés and drinks ( hopefully in the sunshine), hog roast and salads, yummy puddings, speeches( must remember my tissues) cake cutting, live band, nibbles and ice cream maker...... And home by midnight! 

12 days to go!

Wow! Time is flying past so quickly. Ed and Chloe are working very hard finishing off all the bits and pieces. With so many guests it is a lot of bits and pieces. I am making sure we have everything written onto lists for next week. We have hairdressers booked, nails booked, make-up booked, flowers ordered, flower arrangers sorted, car booked, florist booked, caterers booked, marquee booked, hall booked, banns read, organist booked, vicar booked, weather booked, cake maker booked, singers booked, band booked, bell ringers sorted ( hopefully), bridesmaids dresses made, wedding dress fitted, suits bought, waistcoats purchased........ the list goes on! A few things are outstanding and will get done this week - we hope! 
I am so proud of Chloe and Ed and  the calm way they have been dealing with organising a wedding - while living in Kent and working very busy jobs. 
I have been really struggling with sickness caused by the drugs I take for the autoimmune diseases I have. It is really hard to cope with being sick so often and feeling nauseaous all the time. It seems such a little thing but it is very wearing. So near to the wedding I am not keen to change anything and end up with more side effects. Cooking and planning food is very difficult and poor Paul often ends up cooking tea and me not eating it. I am going back to my lists of joy to focus on all that is good in my life rather than focusing on the negative things which so easily fill my mind. 
We went to Savil on Saturday and amid the rain showers and saw the most beautiful roses. The perfume was fantastic especially after the rain. It was very quiet - people staying away because of the weather I think. What a joy to see such lovely gardens so peacefully. 
This week - plenty of wedding bits and pieces, coffee with friends, bookstall planning and buying for our church holiday club, bible study, flowers and getting the house ready for next week when we have a full house of guests. Ben finishes his exams on Wednesday - hurrah! Anna has finished her first year at uni and is 1/5th a Dr! All is well! 

3 weeks

21 days to go .......

Yesterday I watched a few of the 70th anniversary celebrations of The D day landings mostly with tears streaming down my face. It is the thought of those boys, many as young as Ben, landing on the beaches so scared about what was going to happen next. Then having to push through the bodies of other young men to get to the beach and on to the fighting. So many have never really spoken of those days but have lived with their memories shaping their futures. So many lives lost so that I can enjoy the freedom I have today. So many mums at home living with the loss of their precious sons. 

We had bible study yesterday and we are studying Deuteronomy, looking at the celebrations they had to remind them of what God had done. We got to discussing how important rememberance is and how we should remind each other what Jesus did for us when he went to the cross. It was the ultimate sacrifice one man who had done no wrong dying for us who have done so much wrong. Again a mother left to mourn the death of her son at the foot of the cross. It is good to remember. 

This weekend - more wedding stuff. Ed's dad and partner coming to church for the reading of the banns and lunch with us. Chloe and Ed having a photoshoot practice. Some sorting of bits and pieces. Hair cut hopefully using my hat to get the right shape and style. Then next week blood tests, coffee with a friend, ordering wedding flowers, bible study and hoping to start getting the house ready for the people who will be staying in the wedding week. Little by little we are getting there. 

26 days and counting

26 days to go! 

Weekend number 2 of wedding planning done and many, many boxes ticked! So glad to meet people who do their jobs well and can make such a difference to others. On Saturday we turned our house into a florists - and then made huge lists of flowers for table decorations and church flowers. Just need to order the flowers and hope that my descriptions of 'green spiky' foliage will be enough! On Sunday, Chloe and Ed's banns of marriage were read in church - it was really lovely to have Ed's mum with us. For her it made everything feel very real - being able to see the church and the field and imagine the day. J gave an excellent talk on how we should live our Christian lives at home - perfect for Chloe and Ed to hear as a reminder of what they are committing to. Over lunch we discussed a lot of the practicalities of the day and how various people would be getting to the service etc... and what to do with the tandem and what about wheelchairs. So many things to think about. Chloe, Ed, Paul and Claire then went to see Roy - the pigman. He was so, so, so helpful and had thought of everything that was on our list. They went and visited the pigs and had photos - thankfully not with the actual pig!!!! Chloe and Ed then met with J to discuss the service - again a great meeting with everything sorted. So this week will be full of emails to confirm and drawings of marquees etc....... 

My week is looking slightly calmer - more physio, more dress fitting, shopping for shoes for Ben ( laceless, scrappy, school shoes won't do), flower arranging, bible study, maybe hair cutting...... So thankful. 

Where did that week go?

The count down begins - 4 weeks 1 day! 

This week has passed so quickly and here we are at Friday again. And it's raining - again! We are hoping that it is doing all its raining now so that June will be glorious. However, we are buying umbrellas, which will hopefully mean we won't have any rain. 

This weeks physio went well and was encouraging. He felt that my back problems are probably connected to the mixed connective disease as most things are connected. But that my muscles in my back are very tight and it looks like I did do something to my right side of my back as it is much worse than my left. So with manipulation and exercise it should improve.
My blood tests remain stable which is good and show no sign of secondary bone cancer. All is well. 

So this weekend - Chloe and Ed home for more wedding sorting - first reading of the Banns at church and Ed's Mum coming too, visit to the Hogroast farm, going to flower shop, planning flowers, meeting the vicar- J  to discuss service, a little sleeping and eating. All lovely!

4 years and counting!

Yesterday it was 4 years since Paul and I sat in a room and my world changed for ever. It feels like those 4 years have vanished in a flash but also that it happened to someone else. By the time I reached the room I was quite peaceful - ready for what they were going to tell me. But I had no idea what was to follow - the year of treatment, my kidneys failing and the 16 months of dialysis, laving me with a chronic collection of diseases which shape my life now. Many times recently I have been taken back to the following year when Josh and Debs got married. I was still having dialysis and had just finished my second lot of chemo. I was a tiny person with no hair! But the joy of being part of the wedding day and watching my son make forever promises will never leave me. And now I am preparing to do it again - watch one of my children make forever promises. There are many similarities - I still struggle to do lots of things, I am still often sick but the joy of being here and being able to be part of Chloe and Ed's wonderful day is so precious. We have spent a weekend wedding planning and sorting. Wedding dress fitting, my dress fitting and hat chosen, hair practice, make up lesson, car practice ( thank you J), clothes buying for honeymoon, bunting nearly finished, list making, emails sent, glass bowls bought, so many questions discussed, more lists made!!!!! I managed a morning shopping yesterday with stops for coffee and to sit down but it is the most I have managed for 6 months, which is encouraging. I am SO thankful. 
So this week - physio appointment, blood tests, more dress fitting, flower watering, book lists sorting for holiday club, cooking for weekend and today a bed day! 
I hope all those of you on half-term have lovely plans despite the dreary weather.