Am I ready for a new year?

I have been looking back on this last year and contemplating the year to come. Last year at this time I was hoping for a year of good health and a return to work. Who could have foreseen what this year had to bring us! I am thankful that I can't see ahead but can just have 'enough light for the step I'm on'. This step is enough for me now and I will let the creator of the world order the rest of my days. He promises to go ahead of me and prepare the way and I will trust that He has the best plans for me. Sometimes when I look too far ahead I get scared and that is when I know I have stopped trusting. Early on in this journey I learnt that trust and fear can't walk together - and I have the choice as to which way I walk. So I step into 2011 with just enough light for the day ahead. I will continue to look for joy in each day and hope that you will be able to continue this journey with me. Thank you for being my friends and helping to make this journey so much easier.

Yesterday went well and I am all planned! I now have 5 tattoos - not in a butterfly shape unfortunately just little black dots. I am ready for the treatment to start on 14th January.

We are looking for people to be able to help out with lifts. I will be having 12 sessions on the following dates at about 11-11.30 ish leaving here at 10.30. The treatment should take about 20 minutes all being well. If you can offer to do 1 or 2 sessions that would be wonderful and would help greatly. Please let me know - email anne@thewhitefamilysite.org.uk or give me a ring. Thank You so much

14th January

17th January

19th January

21st January

24th January

26th January

28th January

31st January

2nd February

4th February

7th February

9th February

I am still trying to think of things to look forward to in Jan and Feb that don't involve lots of energy as I think I will be quite tired with hospital visits 6 times a week! I am not looking forward to Josh and Chloe going back at the weekend. It has been so lovely to have the house full again although I won't miss the mess!!

Today is dialysis again. Hopefully anti-sickness tablet will help again.

Another visit to Royal Berks today - maybe to have my radiotherapy planned (if I can get my arm up high enough). I am hoping that we can get on with that.

Yesterdays dialysis went ok. I saw the Consultant who came to look at the line that had slipped. Thankfully it has returned to its original place. They have placed a stac lock onto the lines again to help maintain its position. She also recommended that I had an anti-sickness tablet while having dialysis. We tried that yesterday and yippee I had no sickness afterwards. Hopefully this will be the answer. We had toad-in-the-hole for tea and I ate it all. Well done me!!!

Dialysis again today - yucky! Paul says this sums today up! I am feeling much better today - no paracetamol but know that I will be feeling yuck again this evening after dialysis. it is hard to keep going.

However I have my house full of family and a beautiful kitten who is now called Papageno. He brings us so much joy and laughter. He is into everything - trying to help with whatever we are doing. Chloe is making a very beautiful patchwork quilt and the kitten is very helpful with the sewing machine lead, the iron, the cutting board, the laying out of the pieces - so much to help with!

My thoughts keep returning to the next few months and the treatment ahead. It is so hard to be patient and wait to be well. I know that the road ahead is still quite long and as ever I am impatient with the journey. Thankfully I know that Jesus walks ahead of me preparing the way.

I am trying to think of things to look forward to in January and February - hard as most of my time will be spent in the hospital. I think a list is necessary!!!

And that was Christmas! All that planning and then it is over! Thankfully my house is still full of people which I love.

Dialysis was ok yesterday as Joy, Matt, Adam and Talia came and met me. We got into trouble for having too many people! They had to take turns!

Unfortunately the line for dialysis is slipping again. This means I may have to have it redone. This was a very unpleasant experience and one I don't want again. Please can you pray it settles down again. If it is still out of place on Tuesday they will get a Dr. to look at it.

I was sick again yesterday and had a yucky evening feeling poorly. Thankfully I feel better again today. My body is struggling to get over this cold and cough. I think I have very few resources to fight bugs at the moment.

Today will be a quiet day to recover from the business of the last few days.

What a lovely day! My girlie cooked lunch brilliantly for 15 people. Not many 21 year olds can do that and not get hassled. (well not many people can cook Christmas lunch for that many and not get hassled) Everything worked very well and lunch was delicious. I looked around the table so grateful for my lovely family. There were some tearful moments and a little bit of thinking about the future but on the whole it was a joyful day. It was lovely to see the children all interacting and playing together - who doesn't want to make lip balm or be a spy and break codes!

I am struggling today with the thought of dialysis. I wish I could have a holiday from dialysis but hey ho that is what I need to be doing. Chloe and Paul are coming with me so I am sure we will play chequers and have a picnic! Hopefully we shall come back to my perfect Boxing day meal of cold turkey, ham, salad and jacket potatoes. Maybe I will keep that down unlike all my meals yesterday!

Happy Boxing Day to you all!

Well here I am in a silent house - not a creature is stirring not even a pussy cat! We seem to have arrived at Christmas day with a bump! Hopefully not too many things have been forgotten.

I am looking forward to seeing all my sisters and brother today and spending my birthday together.

I wish you all a very happy Christmas day.