This is my new look - grey!!

We had a wonderful day yesterday. We didn't manage church - I couldn't get organised in time. But we did manage Wisley which was really lovely. We had lunch in their lovely restaurant - very yummy food. Then went to see the butterflies in the glasshouse. They were spectacular, huge butterflies in the most beau

tiful colours. I was event

ually allowed to use my wheel chair which took some discussion but I was pleased we did as we had to wait for ages in a long queue. We then had a lovely wander around and saw the first snowdrops appearing out of the hard earth and met the Wisley cat Sammy who lives in one of the glasshouses. Again the reminder of spring everywhere with the bulbs poking their tiny heads out of the soil and buds appearing on bare branches. It was a beautiful day with the sunshine colouring the landscape, although quite chilly.

Today brings coffee at school and radiotherapy all being well.

Yesterdays meeting with the consultant was interesting. She is so lovely. My treatment is going well and they are pleased with the blood results after dialysis. This means the dialysis is clearing my body well. It also means that I still don't have to alter my diet too much which is good. I can't imagine life with no chocolate or tomatoes. We also discussed home haemodialysis. This would mean being able to have dialysis at home. They are starting a new project in May and are looking for suitable people. She felt that I would be a very suitable candidate. With home dialysis you can have it more often for shorter times and fit the times into your life to suit you. It would involve having a room which could be used especially for that. So we shall see if it is possible. It would make life so much easier.

Today we are off to church at Bearwood and then a day at Wisley seeing butterflies and snow drops. I am looking forward to it - although not looking forward to the cold.

This week -

Monday - radiotherapy and coffee at school

Tuesday - dialysis and school options evening with Ben

Wednesday - radiotherapy

Thursday - physio and dialysis

Friday radiotherapy, ladies who lunch, bible study and Chloe home

Saturday - dialysis with Chloe

Sunday - sleep!!!

and at sometime next week trying to reuse my fistula. We are going to use only one needle at a time to establish it.

Hope you all have lovely Sundays.

Yesterday went well. Radiotherapy very quick (although still difficulty positioning me) back for lunch before the girlies arrived and then good bible study with lots of things to think about. Miss Marple with Paul in the evening. All good.

Today - dialysis on my own and a visit from consultant. How good it would be if she said that I was doing so well I could have dialysis in 2 hours instead of 4. Well you can always dream! Chloe visited the dialysis unit in Portsmouth yesterday. Their hope is to get as many patients as possible on home haemodialysis. Interesting!

I am longing for summer when all my cancer treatment will be finished apart from the tamoxifen which I will take for 5 years. Then I will just have dialysis to deal with. And hopefully sunshine to enjoy.

Tomorrow we are hoping to go to the joint church service at Bearwood and then onto Wisley to see the butterflies and snowdrops, wrapped up warm!

Glad its Friday and I can see the sun. Radiotherapy with F , ladies who lunch and bible study today all being well.

Yesterday was fine. Dialysis went quickly with Kit - catching up and playing new game.

My arm is now multi coloured but not too sore thankfully.

I am in need of a lift to radiotherapy next Friday morning if any one is free. We would need to leave here at 11.00 and would be back any time between 12.30 and 2! Depending on how quick they are.

Thank you.

Thankfully my arm seems to be ok despite the adventures of Tuesday. I have some bruising but not much and it isn't too sore at all. I am glad however that they won't use it again for a bit. I need to gear myself up for that!

I am feeling very tired now - combination of daily hospital visits and side effects of the radiotherapy. Thankfully I don't have to do anything except concentrate on getting through this bit. Paul is amazing and continues to hold the household together although I am sure he wishes that I could do more he never moans. I dream of spending days cleaning - who would have thought I would miss it so much.

Today dialysis with Kit. Maybe I will teach her the new game.

Yesterdays radiotherapy was a bit tricky as my arm was sore and they couldn't get me into the right position. They are discussing having to replan my treatment which I would much rather not have to do. Eventually they managed - hopefully it will be better on Friday. I didn't manage house-group last night - I was just too tired to think!

Anyone who is squeamish may want to look away now!!

So yesterday didn't go to plan. My nurse was there and it was all go for needling. I was ready for this new challenge. The plan was to get 2 needles into the vein which has been enlarged and use them for dialysis. At the end of dialysis you then put in little pegs to keep the holes open so that the same holes can be used each time. Simple! Well no. The needles went in well and dialysis started well. We all sighed a sigh of relief. 2 minutes later - nurse panicking as the second needle had dislodged and was bleeding into my arm. Needle removed and blood everywhere. Me in tears as I watched my precious haemoglobin dripping onto the pillow case. So we carried on using one needle and one line. All fine until the end of dialysis. The nurse removed the needle and a second nurse came to insert the peg. Unfortunately the first nurse had told me to stop pressing on the wound too early and I had bleed into the tissues from the second needle. This resulted in a huge swelling in my arm. Ho hum! So now I can't use this arm for dialysis for at least a week - probably 2 weeks. Not the plan! I am now waiting for the bruises to appear. However I was very thankful to have my friend D for company and we chatted away the time. At least my lines are working well and there is no urgency to be using the fistula.

Today radiotherapy - I am half way through. Picc line flushed and house-group here tonight.

tf98frg (This is Papageno helping with the typing)

Chloe's flights are booked to Uganda - she is very excited. We have 'children who travel' this year. I am looking forward to seeing the world through their eyes.

Early start for physio this morning. She identified that I have something called cording from my arm down my side to my hip which is one of the reasons I have so much trouble moving my arm. She is working on stretching and pushing my shoulder joint to get more movement into it. I think it is going to be a long haul. I am thankful I can go to physio in the hospital just around the corner. It was lovely walking there this morning in beautiful sunshine.

Today dialysis with D and maybe needles - who knows!

I continue to be thankful about so many things. I am reading a book about thanks and how when we learn the discipline of thankfulness it changes us. When we get into the habit of looking for things to be thankful for our attitudes change. Try it yourself and see.