First chemo done - tick! I am feeling ok which is a blessing. Long may it continue! It was rather a long time of waiting yesterday as it took the man on his motor cycle from 6am until 3.30 to get from Stockport to Reading- not sure where he stopped on the way!!!!! So I didn't start my chemo until after 4 pm. But it all went smoothly no reactions which was good. Everybody came to have a look at this new drug! Even my consultant. It was good to see him and we chatted about why 6. He is very relaxed about how many doses I have - we have the funding for 6 and if I can have 6 that would be good but only because 6 might be better than 4 - no evidence just a feeling! He is also open to 4 then a gap, a wedding and then 2 more so we will decide nearer the time. Depends on the side effects.

Today dialysis with T and a different nurse needling me as my nurse is on leave. This will tell how my fistula is getting on. The fistula nurse is on standby to come and help if we get stuck. I am really hoping it will go well.

Also today coffee with a friend - I am looking forward to seeing her.

The day for more chemo has arrived. I am glad to get on with it, although I am not looking forward to the side effects. I think it is harder this time as I know what to expect. But hey ho 3 months and it will be over. I am resigned to having 6 lots now if necessary. I don't want to ever regret not doing it.

My needling went well yesterday. The least painful yet. I had a visit from the fistula nurse who checked it all and feels happy that everything is going well. The pressure was checked again and all is fine. So we are on the right track. On Thursday I will have a new nurse needle me as my nurse is on leave. This will tell whether the tracks are now established. The renal consultant also came and decided that she thinks that the ECG is showing damage from my blood pressure. We are going to try new tablets and see what effect that has. It is difficult to know as I still can only have my blood pressure taken in my leg. Unfortunately the damage is now done and can't be undone but we can limit any more damage. i did ask her if I could reduce my time but she wasn't keen saying that 4 hours is best - ho hum!

I have just had a phone call from the hospital to say that there has been a problem with the chemo drug. When it was made up yesterday they detected a small particle of rubber in the tube. This made it unusable. They had no more of the drug to make up so they then had to search the country for it. Eventually they found some in Stockport where it has been made up and is being couriered to Royal Berks today. Wow! I feel privileged that they have put so much effort into sorting this out so that I can have the drug today. All things in his hands.

I am in need of a lift back from the hospital tomorrow evening. It will be at about 7pm. If anyone can help out that would be wonderful.

OK so my plans don't seem to be other peoples plans. I thought it was all going well. 4 chemos and be finished 1st June with 5 weeks to recover. Sounds just right ....mmmmmmmmmmm. I received a letter in the post yesterday saying that the chemo was sorted for this week and the plan was to have 6 doses. 6 - yes you read correctly 6 that is not my plan and not what we agreed. I screamed at the letter - enough! I am struggling to accept this. It would mean that I would have the last chemo the week after Josh's wedding. NOT MY PLAN. Once I had calmed down and talked it over with Paul and Chloe I have decided not to do anything rash - like walking into consultants office and shouting NO WAY!!!! I will see what the side effects are like after this first dose and then discuss it with him. It may be possible to have a gap between doses 4 and 5. It is so hard to know what to do as going to Josh's wedding is my priority and I so want to enjoy that weekend. But I don't want to regret not having the treatment and the disease coming back. I also want to be able to go to Chloe and Ben's' weddings one day. Sometimes life is rubbish!

Today - dialysis this afternoon - a bit later than usual so that I maybe able to see the consultant to discuss what is happening to my heart. I am also hoping to visit Tescos to get bits and pieces ready for the chemo and sickness again. I need to try and maintain my weight better this time. I can't loose another 2 stone as I will turn into a skeleton!

I had a lovely day yesterday, coffee at a garden centre and a visit to school and then coffee with a friend later catching up.

Tomorrow looms large - just want to get it over and done with.

Josh continues to train for the marathon. He is running on 11th April and hoping to raise £1,000 he still needs some more sponsors to reach this target. If you feel able please go to his just giving page and sponsor him. It is for an amazing cause - Cancer Research which is working hard to eradicate cancer. Thank you very much for those of you who have already sponsored him. Just 2 weeks to go.

Looking forward to coffee with friends today.

http://bit.ly/enQ0d4

josh's page

bit.ly

Today has been a really lovely day. Started with church and seeing lots of friends then lunch out with my lovely husband. Great food and a cosy corner in the restaurant. Then a beautiful drive home in the sunshine. followed by phone calls with my older children. Josh who is having to rethink their honeymoon as they were going to Japan and Chloe who learnt to ride a bike today - hurrah! Congratulations to Ed for managing to teach her where we failed! Reversing around a corner next!

Tomorrow brings a non dialysis day and coffee out with a friend and later coffee in with a friend. Lovely.

Yesterday dialysis went well - 2 blunt needles. But I took an hour to stop bleeding (usually takes 15 minutes) so now more investigations - ho hum! Nothing is simple. I am feeling anxious about the chemo and really praying that the side effects aren't too awful. 3 months to go.

Chemo is going to start on Wednesday - the sister from the chemo ward phoned me yesterday. The consultant had jumped through the pharmacy hoops and had arranged it all. Yippee! Or not so yippee when I think of the next 3 months. But then it will be done. I have managed to put on about 4kgs in weight which is good and I am hoping that I won't be so sick on this drug so maybe eating will be a bit better.

Today Paul is going to a 'singing' day with his choir so R is taking me to dialysis. I have a film to watch and a book to finish reading so hopefully the time will pass quickly.

Yesterdays bible study was great. We were studying a lady from the Old Testament called Rahab - it was amazing to see how God uses the 'nobodys' of this world to bring about his purposes. He sees all things from such a different perspective to us - he sees us in the light of eternity and our lives are just a blink of the eye and yet he uses us for his plans - wow!

Chloe and Ed popped in yesterday afternoon for a very short time. It was lovely to see them. Chloe was very excited as she had seen a baby being born on Thursday. Medicine at its best!

I love sunshine (as you may have gathered). A day feels so different in the sun. Yesterday I was frustrated that I had to go to dialysis in the sunshine but today I don't - hurrah! Maybe a little walk today and enjoy the feel of the sun on my skin.

Today brings ladies who lunch and bible study. Chloe and Ed are popping in to collect stuff left last weekend before going to Ed's.

I feel a bit like I am in limbo waiting for the chemo to start . I am still waiting to hear that it will start next week. There were some hoops to jump through first - hope the oncologist has managed to jump through them!

I had a chat with a junior Dr yesterday about my heart. Not much to report except to say that it looks like the muscles of my ventricles maybe enlarged which could be due to many things. Dr has emailed my renal consultant and hopefully she will come up with a plan. I feel a bit sad that another major organ in my body is being affected by all that is going on - not surprising it is my heart I suppose but I would so rather not have to have problems with my heart. However it is a department in the hospital that I haven't visited so I am sure it will be interesting. Another learning opportunity for Chloe!!!