Monday afternoon. Blood tests from today back. Still fine. My kidneys are working hard! I have now moved from stage 5 kidney disease into stage 4. There are 5 stages - only in the 5th stage do you need dialysis. I saw a renal registrar today who was very very helpful. He checked me over and said that I am not carrying much fluid - which is amazing. He gave us lots of very helpful information about chronic kidney disease and many things to be careful about. Although stopping dialysis is life changing the changes to my diet, medicine, etc is also life changing (maybe in not such a good way). I now have to get my head around the other changes that we will have to make but none of them will ever be as hard as dialysis. I am still walking around in a dream - I can't believe this is happening to me. Maybe one day soon it will dawn on me that dialysis is finished. I am so thankful to God that he has allowed this. I continue to take one day at a time and wait and see. Although I must say I am now beginning to plan - holidays! Wow! I did think we might never be able to go on holiday again.

I see the consultant on Wednesday and then transfer to pre-dialysis clinic probably for twice a week blood tests to begin with, moving to weekly and then fortnightly eventually to monthly. How strange will that be after going to the hospital at least 3 times a week for 16 months. It has become like my second home!

This week I have very few plans in case I have to rush to the hospital but after this week I will be able to plan for 7 days a week instead of 4. So many more hours to have fun in!!!! Maybe I will eventually have a tidy house again. Goodness me! Although i think I will have to spend even more time cooking in order to be able to eat a variety of different foods which have reduced phosphates, potassium and salt.

Sunday - still no dialysis. My blood results yesterday were very promising. My creatinine levels are almost unchanged from Thursday suggesting that my kidneys are trying very hard. However my phosphorus levels are rising which means that I have to go on a special diet. The renal diet is quite weird as it is not like any normal diet. At the moment my potassium levels are ok but if i add that into the diet in then becomes very strange. At the moment I have to reduce or cut out

• milk, yoghurt,ice cream
• cheese except goats or cream cheese
• no brown rice, bread or pasta
• chocolate
• nuts
• self raising flour and baking powder (so no to most cakes and biscuits)
• pate and any offal
• seafood
• peas and pulses
• what looks like a random list of vegetables!
• cola
• sausages, ham,

etc etc..... I am also going to limit tomatoes and bananas and oranges and soak my potatoes for 2 hours before eating to help keep my potassium low. I also have to boil veg and not steam. There are other things which I have forgotten at the moment. This is going to be quite a change in my diet and feels at the moment that if I like it I probably can't have it!!!! Still it is a fair exchange for not having to do dialysis.

I am still in shock and can't quite get my head around what is happening. My mind is whirling and I am finding it hard to concentrate on anything. It feels so impossible that this has happened. Tomorrow I will go to the dialysis unit maybe for the last time before being transferred to the care of the pre-dialysis team. Wow! Who would have believed this time last week that I would be saying that this week. Of course it is still early days and it could all change at any moment. However I am now hoping!

Today - church and cooking this evening for everyone my first proper renal meal!!! I will have to plan meals very carefully from now on. Probably no going out for meals for a while until I can work out what I can and cannot eat. Paul will be happy with the money saving! Maybe it would be better if I didn't eat for a while - that would be the safest idea!!!!

Thank you so much for all your texts, emails and messages. I have, as ever, been amazed by your support. I will continue to let you know what is going on and value your thoughts and prayers. I love the thought that so many of you are walking around with many parts of your body crossed for me - a very funny image!

Saturday - no dialysis! Blood tests done at 8 am. Also injection to encourage my bone marrow to make red blood cells. We had a lovely chat with one of the senior nurses who had found out the plan for me ( as you all know I love a plan). Monday will probably be my last blood test at the dialysis unit and if I am still feeling OK I will see the consultant and will then be passed to the pre-dialysis unit. At the pre-dialysis unit they will monitor my blood probably twice a week to begin with and keep an eye on me. I will be given drugs to help with the fluid overload that I will still have as a result of my kidneys only partially working. I will also see the dietician to discuss a stricter renal diet. This all supposes that my blood results today and Monday are ok and by ok this means monitoring my creatinine levels and my potassium levels along with others. They are prepared to let my creatinine levels rise to a level which I have only reached when very poorly. This is because they have to allow my kidneys to kick into life properly and that might take a little while.

I am still trying not to be too hopeful but it is hard not to be now when everyone is telling me that it looks very likely that my kidneys are beginning to work. We still have the next few weeks to get through and that could still get quite scary.

I have had a lovely day today. Chloe and I went to Windsor and shopped. We had lunch in a Tappas bar and drank sangria. All lovely! Not at all what I would normally be doing on a dialysis day!

I am holding on tight and hoping and trusting. He is faithful no matter what the outcome of this week.

So here we are day 2 of no dialysis and all is fine so far. I could feel the fluid last night but feel better again this morning. The blood results are in for yesterday and are normal for a pre-dialysis session. They are now the benchmark and we will see what happens to them on Saturday. They may slowly increase, which means they will leave it and see what happens; slowly decrease which will mean that my kidneys are trying to work; or suddenly increase which would mean having dialysis very quickly. Obviously we want them to be decreasing showing that my kidneys are trying or are working. I am hoping that a renal consultant will be making the decision as to what happens tomorrow not a junior Dr who may panic and start dialysis. The other change that will have to happen next week if I continue with no dialysis is that my diet will have to become a strict renal diet to give my kidneys the best chance. The renal diet is quite a hard diet for me as if I think of something I like it is probably not allowed! So it means cutting down or leaving out - chocolate, nuts, oranges including juice, bananas, cheese, potatoes unless soaked and boiled, tomatoes, milk, pate, mushrooms, apricots, dried fruit, beans, bacon, marmite. Anyone who knows me will know how hard that sounds but hey- ho. Dialysis or diet I know which I would choose!

Yesterday was lovely. I had my blood tests at 8 am and then Paul dropped me in Reading. I had a lovely morning shopping on my own. Something I would never be able to do on a normal dialysis day. We then went out to lunch with Joy and Matt. It was a really lovely day.

Today I have 2 friends coming and we are going out for coffee. Then this afternoon Chloe is coming home. It will be great to have her over the weekend as we face whatever may come. I am looking forward to next week and knowing the outcome - I have never been very good at waiting. I continue to trust that God is in control of all that is happening. Because of that I can be peaceful (most of the time). We are hoping to do something nice tomorrow although we will need to be nearish to the hospital as by lunchtime they may be phoning to say come back and have dialysis - we shall see.

I will let you know. Please keep praying - not just for me but for my family as they wait. It is a strange time.

Today is my first day without dialysis. I can't believe I am writing that. (See last post for more details) It is feeling quite scary as now my kidneys have to really get going otherwise I will have difficulties breathing as the fluid settles on my lungs. It is exciting too though as this is the only way to see if there is enough function in my kidneys to cope without dialysis. If that is possible then what a change to my life. I keep going round and round in circles in my thinking as I am sure you can imagine. I don't want to hope too much as that would be SO disappointing if it didn't work out but I am hoping a bit and thinking how wonderful that would be. I need to just keep holding on to the creators hand and he will guide me through this.

It will be very strange going to dialysis today and just having a blood test and no dialysis. I am not sure what to say to the other dialysis patients as it seems so unfair to them. Some have done dialysis for so long.

After my blood tests I am going to go shopping on my own - lovely. Then lunch with Joy, Matt and Paul.

I will update here daily again for a while to let you know how I am getting on. Please pray for us over the next few days - it may be a bit of a bumpy ride! But I am holding on tight and ready for whatever comes - I hope!

It is with bated breath that I write this. I have seen the renal consultant at the hospital today. She has decided that as my blood results have been so good recently that it could be that my kidneys are beginning to recover. She felt that it was worth stopping dialysis and seeing what happens. So I had my last dialysis session today and we now wait and see. I will go to the hospital for blood tests every other day and increase my fluid intake. We will then see what is happening to my blood results within a few days. It maybe that I will have to have dialysis urgently but they will fit me in when ever I need to. It could be that this is all my kidneys need to start working properly or it maybe that I will need to go back on dialysis and retry at a further date. Everyone is very amazed, as the consultant had told me that after this length of time on dialysis it would be VERY unlikely for my kidneys to recover. As you can imagine we are praising our God who is able to do more than we ask or imagine……

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Eph 3 v20

Please pray with us that all will be well. I am trusting totally that whatever the outcome God is in charge and that He knows all things. Please pray for our family as they also wait with bated breath. I continue to hold the hand of the creator God.

On an aside – my bone scan and mammogram have come back clear. I will see the oncologist again in 3 months. I saw him today and was able to give him the news. His immediate response was – what an answer to prayer. Before this all happened I also saw the home dialysis nurse and I am to be the second patient in the unit to start home dialysis (now only possibly) which would happen in the middle of December. When I have got my head around all this I will write more but at the moment I feel like we are in a dream and I think I will remain like this for a while. It is a bit scary but the hospital are very supportive and will be there whatever the outcome.

Busy week! Feeling much better although still struggling with a cough which is annoying. We have done some gardening - winter boxes to add colour to the garden. they look lovely. I have done lots of cooking including my first chicken pie - ever! And I have tidied - half a lounge but better than none and I have attacked some of my piles which have been accumulating everywhere!I have made a list of projects I have started with the plan to get some of them finished before I start new ones - mmmm not sure that will happen as I have lots of nice Christmas making plans.

I have a very sore arm from the flu jab yesterday. The nurse seemed to aim very high up on my arm close to my shoulder joint - not sure it is supposed to be so high up. Any way it was very sore when it went in and kept me awake in the night. At least my shoulder won't get flu!!!!

Yesterday my photobook arrived with pictures of my party - what a joy. I love looking at it as it brings flooding back the memories of the evening. I am so grateful to you all for making the evening so wonderful.

Half-term begins today - so strange not to be at work and looking forward to a week off. On Monday when I went to the cinema I felt SO naughty as if I was cheating. We were 2 of only 4 people in the cinema - very quiet and peaceful - apart from my coughing. Monday mornings are a very good time to go. We shall be going again- because we can!

Chloe's weekend in Cornwall was wonderful - she sailed with dolphins and rode 11.5 miles on her bike along the camel trail. Not such a good week for her as she has fallen off her bike after hitting a dog and now is poorly with a bug.

Josh is enjoying married life and his company have just been awarded a project for 'Stomp', doing all their anniversary advertising.

Well this blog has been rather rambling and disjointed.

BREAKING NEWS
I have just had a phone call from the new home dialysis nurse. She is coming to see me next week but just wanted me to know that we will probably be starting home dialysis BEFORE Christmas. Wow! I am so excited and scared all mixed up. It will be life changing to be able to do it at home. No more early morning trips to Reading and choosing when I do it to fit in with our lives. No more being freezing in the hospital and being able to have my own things around me. No more worrying about when it snows and we struggle to get to the hospital. But also the scariness of being responsible for all my own dialysis. Always having to get my needles in, always having to make the decisions about what I am doing - wow! Please pray that it all goes well and that all the practical stuff can be sorted - we need a sink putting in and my bedroom organised for dialysis. We will need a place to store all the stuff and a place to put all the stuff we now have in the room. So much to think about - goodness me.

I hope you all have great weekend plans. Ours will now be related to home dialysis!

http://www.photobox.co.uk/album/927053217

My party was truly wonderful. I loved every minute of it. I am so grateful to everyone who was able to come - thank you. Especially those of you who came such long distances. Also a huge thank you to those of you who sang or did readings or spoke. And thank you to those of you who helped set up, decorate and made the hall look beautiful. And a very special thank you to my bible study ladies without whom the whole thing wouldn't have been possible. I will treasure the memories in my heart.

Photos taken by my lovely photographer Zara are here
http://www.photobox.co.uk/album/927053217

Unfortunately my week since then has been a bit yuck! I have had a yucky throat infection which turned into a cold. I haven't had a proper cold for 2 years so I can't complain but i have been proper poorly. I don't seem to have any resistance to fight so it makes me feel very yuck and also makes me sick. Ugh! This then affects dialysis and I am then poorly in dialysis. Still hopefully I am on the mend now and looking forward to feeling much better next week. I think I might go back to trying to avoid bugs again - I am not ready for them yet!

The coming week holds a peaceful weekend after last weeks very very busy one. It was SO lovely to have everyone home and we all fitted in very nicely although I think the house felt it was bulging at the seams! On Sunday I cooked roast dinner for 8 of us quite an achievement after a party for 70 the night before. But it was lovely to have all my children and partners around the table and Kitty. We then watched strictly from Saturday evening - a perfect combination, roast dinner, strictly and family. It won't be quite the same watching strictly on my own this weekend. I am off to the cinema on Monday morning with a friend - purple hat thinking! I will feel very naughty being at the cinema on a weekday! Hopefully some catching up on house tidying after being ill all this week. Also some cooking - we have had make do and mend meals this week. I can't believe we are nearly at half term it has gone so quickly. Paul and I are planning some nice events for the next few weeks so that we have nice things to look forward to as it gets colder. A trip to see the Degas exhibition at The Royal Academy and a visit to The Royal Opera House to see Manon - a ballet. Lovely!

Hope you all have great weekend plans - which should include Strictly of course! My girlie is off to Cornwall - I am so jealous!

1 sleep and it is here. So much to do today I hope I have the energy to get it all done. Still feeling slightly anxious that it will all go ok. Not sure what can go wrong but you never know. I have a plan and many lists so everything should be fine!

I have now needled myself with both needles 4 times. Yesterday I managed even when the nurse couldn't do it - yippee! I just wish it wasn't quite so tricky. It certainly tests my patience - not at all sure why I am now writing like this!!!! I can't seem to change it. And now it has mended itself - oh well.

I have had a full week with lunch with a friend, shopping by myself, tidying, washing, housegroup and dialysis. I am still having headaches after dialysis which is making life a struggle on those days and I am usually sleeping 2 hours in the afternoon and then sleeping at night. My blood results after dialysis are very very good and my blood results even before dialysis are good too. This is great as it continues to mean that I don't need to change my diet yet.

Next week looks busy too. I am having lunch with a friend and coffee with a new friend. Chloe is staying until Tuesday which is very lovely. I am hoping to get on with some of my new projects which I have started and then stopped! I need to be thinking about some Christmas crafts too. All lovely! I will also have lovely thoughts about my party to hold onto to get me through the cold winter.

Hope you all have great weekend plans - treasure each day my friends.

2 sleeps and I am excited. Looking forward to seeing everyone. Hope everything is now sorted - just tomorrow to finish things off as Saturday I have dialysis. I am making lists of my lists - maybe not a good sign!

We have a full house for the weekend too so tomorrow I have cooking and bed making and bible study. A busy day. What fun. I am so glad to be able to do it. Please pray that dialysis goes well on Saturday and that I feel ok on Saturday night.

3 sleeps - it is getting very close! Very helpful flower lady wired my gerberas for the party. They look beautiful. can you guess the colour - oh pink of course!! Hoping I have got everything I need.

4 sleeps - it is getting closer. I am beginning to feel excited about it. We have tablecloths thankfully - it has been tricky!

Consultant had to go off quickly today so seeing her in a week or 2.

5 sleeps. Countdown to my end of treatment party.

I have been having bad dreams about it - hall double booked, no one bringing any food, people i don't even know coming and joining in the singing - and they couldn't sing and make a terrible noise. Much too squashed in my parents house (oh by the way my parents have died and someone else now lives in their house but we seem to barge in and expect it to be ok) All in all a disaster - i am hoping that none of that is true!

I am looking forward to seeing those of you who can make it, for those who can't I will try and take photos or give the job to someone else.

I am seeing the renal consultant tomorrow - maybe she will have a bit more info about home dialysis.