9 days and the dress fits thankfully!

Yesterday lovely. Great to catch up with friends and some wonderful tennis.

Today dialysis with Kit more lining and needling.

10 days! Today I will try on my dress in case i have put on too much weight. That would be a disaster.

Lovely seeing my friend yesterday I managed to line my machine with only a little help. Dialysis was a bit yuck as I went in with quite low blood pressure and it then dropped on and off all the way through and even when I was finished.

Today lunch with a friend and seeing another friend after school. Lots of catching up.

We are looking at Psalm 23 on Friday - what great words. Here taken from the amplified bible.

A Psalm of David.

¹THE LORD is my Shepherd [to feed, guide, and shield me], I shall not lack.

²He makes me lie down in [fresh, tender] green pastures; He leads me beside the still and restful waters.^(A)

³He refreshes and restores my life (my self); He leads me in the paths of righteousness [uprightness and right standing with Him--not for my earning it, but] for His name's sake.

⁴Yes, though I walk through the [deep, sunless] valley of the shadow of death, I will fear or dread no evil, for You are with me; Your rod [to protect] and Your staff [to guide], they comfort me.

⁵You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with^[a]oil; my [brimming] cup runs over.

⁶Surely or only goodness, mercy, and unfailing love shall follow me all the days of my life, and through the length of my days the house of the Lord [and His presence] shall be my dwelling place.

So even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death - I won't fear because he is there guiding and protecting me. I need to be reminded of those words when fear rears its head, particularly in the darkness of the night. Some translations have the passage 'the shadow of death' as the deepest darkness. That is how it feels sometimes. Thankfully not often. Thankfully my experience is that goodness, mercy and unfailing love are following me all my days.

11 days - oh it is getting so close now. I almost don't want it to come because that means it will then be over. I am SO glad I will be there. I am warning everyone I will cry!

Yesterday was so lovely. I was slightly anxious that spa days wouldn't be for me but my friend suggested that I thought of it like a holiday and that works. Time out from life. The very good news is that I can swim in a straight line! Swimming looks like being very good exercise for me although having low hb means that I got puffed very quickly. But at least I could swim and I will continue to do so. We had a lovely day catching up on our lives and enjoying the surroundings. It felt odd to have lunch sitting with everyone in their dressing gowns. I really enjoyed the bubble pool (sure it isn't called that) which was very good for all my aches and pains and I loved the heated mosaic loungers. I would love to have one of those at home. The temperature was perfect for me - no white fingers at all. All in all a wonderful day.

Back to reality today - dialysis! However it will be good to be spending time with D and more lining and needling. And possibly some tennis.

I have had a really lovely day. We started at church with the challenge to make prayer a good habit. Lovely seeing everyone and chatting. Then on to Savill with Paul and Chloe. We arrived and heard a voice from the car next door calling our names. It was my Aunt and Uncle who on reading my blog this morning decided to drive from Eastbourne and meet us. What a lovely surprise and amazing timing as they arrived just as we did. We had a lovely day together catching up on all their news and sharing our beautiful garden! It was such wonderful sunshine.

I am writing now as tomorrow I am going to Nirvana Spa with a friend. I am looking forward to spending time with her. Will update after my trip - with details of my first swim!!! Hoping to swim in a straight line not in circles! We shall see. Hope you have all had weekends full of sunshine.

13 days. Dialysis fine yesterday. Lined my machine with a bit of help but no mistakes. Got my needles 3/4 in just not the final push. Getting there!

Today Church and Savill gardens. Looking forward to the sun - hopefully!

14 days! Hope in 2 weeks we don't wake up to rain but beautiful sunshine. Josh and Debz are off to their friends wedding today. Hope they have a wonderful day.

Yesterday felt like a real day. I went into work - and loved seeing everyone. It just felt right to be there as if nothing changes. Ladies who lunch and bible study was very good. Chicken kebabs for tea. beginning to have more energy. Hurrah! I looked in the mirror in the evening and expected to see my hair! It was a shock to be bald.

I have started my day with yummy pancakes - all days should start like that. Pity it has to include dialysis but hey ho! Hopefully more lining and maybe needling. Maybe today will be the day I manage to needle myself completely.

I am looking forward to Monday when I am going to Nirvana Spa with a friend. I have never been to a spa and not sure what I will make of it. In my old normal me sitting for a day would be unheard of but now I am so much better at sitting. We shall also see how the swimming goes. Still anticipating that i will swim in circles due to my muscle weakness and scapula problems if I can swim at all! I also need to consider the changing room dilemma - to change in communal changing room or personal one. I am very ok with how I look and think my scar tells the story of my journey but I would hate to make someone else feel uncomfortable. However maybe it could help someone else to face it in the future - mmmmm. I think due to all your prayers I have never felt sad about the mastectomy and am so grateful to have had such a good surgeon to make such a neat scar. Maybe I will just see how I feel when I am there.

Tomorrow we are off to Savill Gardens again to see roses in the dry. Taking Chloe for a break in her revision - she is working so hard.

15 days! Happy it's Friday and no dialysis. Yesterdays dialysis went well. I lined my machine myself only forgetting one crucial bit! Thankfully the machine lets you know when a line isn't connected. I had another go with my needles but still can't get them in the last bit. Eventually I will do it.

Busy day today - coffee at school, ladies who lunch and bible study. Also a bit of tidying so there is space for sitting down. Looking forward to the sunshine this weekend - my swing seat hasn't had enough use.

16 days. Yesterday was lovely - so normal. I drove Chloe to Drs for her jabs for Uganda and to buy very expensive Malaria tablets. We then had a trip to Sainsburys and bought some clothes for Uganda - quite strict rules at the hospital, all shoulders and knees to be covered. We then came home and had a go at making fudge mmmm we made very yummy toffee and very yummy sand!! Not quite what Josh had in mind for his wedding. Still we shall continue with our experiments. It all felt very normal - needed a sleep in the afternoon to recover however and early to bed in the evening. I still have so little energy.

Today dialysis with iplayer, tennis and more needling.

17 days! So glad not to be having chemo today. It is 3 weeks since my last session and I would have been due it again today. So from today onwards I am on new ground, post chemo. I am feeling better but I am impatient to be well again and it is too slow.

Dialysis was ok yesterday. Lovely to catch up with D and hear all about her holiday. She had some lovely stories to tell of beautiful Greece. I so nearly managed to get my top needle in but just not quite. It is lovely to feel like I am in control - well nearly! Once I have done that I will then need to work out how I and the machine manage to combine! That will be the most tricky part. I am hoping to visit the one other patient in the hospital who does everything himself and see how he manages it with one hand, whilst being in bed. Think it is a bit like rubing your head and your tummy at the same time - whilst standing on your head!!!!!

I am to be famous. I had my photograph taken for an annual review document at the hospital. They wanted a dialysis patient photographed whilst using a new piece of technology that the hospital have bought. Felt rather strange to have my photo taken whilst I was in bed! At least I had my clothes on.

Not sure what today will bring - a friend was coming to coffee but she is poorly so I may adventure out in the car again.

Being a parent is tough. Just when you think they are grown up they come home again and need you at 5.30 in the morning when they realise all their clothes are dirty and they have to wear smart clothes for practice interview for exam! Rather an early start.

Yesterday was good - drove to a friends and to Tesco. And I didn't crash! Driving just came back naturally although I would prefer it if there wasn't any other cars around. So lovely to be out and about and independent. I wanted to tell everyone in Tescos that I was shopping 'on my own' I bought lots of nice food!!!!

Today dialysis with D catching up on her holiday news. I missed her last week. I am hoping to do more line practice and needling.

Feeling better today - yippee! Didn't do much yesterday except a bit of cooking and lots of playing with my ipod. Technology has come a long way. It all seems like magic to me!

Today I have physio. I seem to have been going to physio forever and will continue for ever. My shoulder is much better than it was but will never be quite as it was. She is now working on my back with my sticky out scapula.

I am then hoping to go to coffee and prayer meeting. I am hoping to drive myself - mmm we will see how that goes. It feels strange to be thinking about driving after a year.

Its lovely to have Chloe back although she is working very hard. Revising all that she has covered in 3 years of medicine is huge. She is having to accept that there will be some areas she just can't cover.

Ben has his penultimate exam today - then a week til his last one.

We are on the countdown until the wedding now - 19 days to go.

Yucky morning today - been sick and continued to feel sick. Not sure why - ho hum! Thankfully I have my anti-sickness tablets which help. Part of the whole finished treatment bit is that any illness makes you think whats going on, especially as my first symptoms of kidney disease was probably sickness. But I have to control those thoughts because I will get normal illness stuff now.

On a more positive note I have now had my steri stitches removed and can have a shower or splash in the bath or go swimming - yippee! I am also considering driving again at last. This will make me so much more independent and able to get out and about. I still don't plan to drive to dialysis as I feel so yuck when I finish and don't feel I would be safe to drive home. So watch out world!!

I had planned to go to Paul's concert last night which I was really looking forward to but they had run out of tickets - ho hum! I was quite grumpy about that. However when I arrived home my new toy had arrived. Paul has bought me an ipod to play music on - it is wonderful. I love it. So this slightly made up for not going to the concert.

Hoping to have Chloe back sometime today. Hopefully she will be here for a while.

As it is Father's day today my thoughts have turned to my lovely dad. He was such a gentleman and a wonderful role model. I am so glad that he was MY dad. He loved me to the end of the world and back again. How privileged I am to know I was loved like that.

3 weeks today my boy gets married - wow! I will become a mother-in-law. Sounds all a bit too grown up for me. I remember him as a little boy so clearly, asking us to call him pot-shell and rushing around with a backpack on his back, crying because his fish had died and Chloe was asking to dig him up to see his bones, loving all things Thomas and calling himself Cha-cha until he went to nursery when he turned into Josh, never drinking milk at home but always drinking it at nursery, asking if I could just come to school and sit in the classroom just so i was near, arranging his birthday presents on his pillow and sleeping with them there. I am very proud of the man he has become and the choices he has made. I am SO looking forward to his wedding day and seeing him make life promises to Debz. I am SO grateful to be here to be part of his day.

I am feeling better this weekend as the effects of the chemo lessen. I am beginning to have more energy at last.

Chloe arrived home yesterday morning and deposited 3 years of accumulated stuff in our front room, had a bath, lunch and a chat and then went off for the weekend with Ed!

Dialysis on my own today. Maybe more lining and needling.

Morning full of thoughts today. Don't even know where to start! Some days are like that now when my mind is trying to put into perspective all that has happened in the last year. So much I didn't deal with when it happened - just put it to the back of my mind to be dealt with later! Well the later is here! The change to my life is huge - it will never be the same again. Sometimes I wish i wasn't a thinker - it would be so much easier to just live! I am not sad, just trying to assimilate the changes - trying to decide what life will look like now - with the new normal. Trying to cope with all the thoughts which flood my mind, the fear of aches and pains which could mean something else is going on or just the new normal, the excitement that I do have a future which could stretch to years. It is hard to make decisions not knowing what the future holds - although I am glad that I don't know! What a lot to think!!! Maybe I will stop thinking an just get on with my day. More procrastinating!

Yesterdays dialysis was fine - lovely to spend time with Kit. we had so much to chat about.

Today - Chloe home, she didn't quite make it yesterday! Dr's appointment, ladies who lunch and bible study. Ben's only got 3 exams left. Physics today and then 2 germans a week apart. He has coped well, kept calm and not got anxious. I will be glad when they are done. He then has the summer ahead of him - hurrah!

I found a lovely quote last night when reading -

'I believe in the sun even when it is not shining. I believe in love even when feeling it not. I believe in God even when he is silent'

This was found written on the walls of a cellar where Jews were hiding during the second world war. How often do we feel that God is silent and yet he is still there holding our hands loving us through the struggles.

I am loving the sound of the rain - making music all of its own. It is good to be in doors though. There are some advantages to not working!!!

Yesterday I spent a wonderful morning with a friend who poured out her love for me. She bought us a lovely tea, shared her life with me, took my ironing and best of all painted my nails. Thank you A.

Today Kitty is coming. I haven't seen her for a month so much to catch up on. Hoping dialysis is better today. Maybe another little go at needling and another go at trying to follow the nurse as she lines the machine.

This evening Chloe comes home - for the summer. Yippee! She will use home as a base while lots of things happen.

• 2 weeks revising
• 2 weeks exams
• 3 weeks at Oxford Transplant centre
• 4 1/2 weeks in Uganda
• 2 weeks holiday
• Back to uni.

A packed summer for her. She is working so hard and I am very proud of her. Her placements have all been great and her consultants have all been pleased with her. She has grown in confidence and her knowledge increases all the time. She is a star!

So good day bad day!!! Dialysis was interesting. I arrived early so that I could start learning how to line the machine. Hum!! It my take me a while to get my chemo brain around that. Bit scary to think what could happen if i got it wrong! Water all over the floor is one thing but blood - oh no! Then I had a go at needling - it is a bit tricky with only one hand. I was quite relieved when I couldn't do it to find that it was tricky for the nurses - it took 4 nurses to get the 2 needles in! Determined that I will do it soon though. Dialysis was ok until towards the end when my BP dropped to almost non-existent and I felt very poorly. I could hear people talking but couldn't respond - if it had not been stopped I would have been unconscious. I then felt yucky all evening. Poor Paul he then has to put up with a moaning me.

Yesterdays highlight however was sitting in a garden centre with a friend drinking coffee in glorious sunshine - wonderful.

Feeling much better today - looking forward to coffee with A.

I had such a wonderful day yesterday just doing normal stuff. It is so long since I have been independent. I am quite tired today but that is Ok. Dialysis will be a sort of a rest! I am going to coffee with a friend first.

Please put 8th October in your diaries. I am having an end of treatment party. I know it is a long way off but I wanted to be well enough to enjoy it and be able to plan it. It would be lovely to have all of you with me - who have followed my journey over the last year. I am so grateful to you all.

Sorry for late post. But I have been doing 'normal' things!!! I walked into Wokingham and shopped - all on my own! Who would have thought that would have given me such pleasure. I felt so normal. I think I have reached the corner and am turning the right way. I know I have a long way to go but I am going in the right direction at last. It is lovely to know that there is no more chemo around the corner. I am SO thankful to begin to feel better. I am exhausted now but feel very happy to have managed the walk. I am also so thankful to everyone who gives me blood which enables me to walk. How important independence is and how much I have missed it. Being able to drive again is the next step.

We had a lovely day yesterday - church and the challenge of grasping why God wants us to pray when he already knows all things. Then Savill Gardens with friends where we managed to miss most of the rain. The rose garden which was opened last year was looking wonderful and the smell was beautiful.

I feel so privileged to live this life and so joyful. Please remember to treasure each day you have and take joy in all your relationships. Hug those you love often and tell them frequently how much they mean to you as you never know what is around the corner. It is such a good reminder to hold short accounts - so much doesn't really matter when you really think about it.

I am in need of a lift to dialysis on Tuesday if anyone is available. It would mean leaving here at 11.00 and dropping me at the hospital. Do let me know if you can help. Thank you

mmmm weather! We are hoping to go to Saville gardens after church today with friends but the forecast isn't good. However we have decided to risk it and go and hope that the rain is past by the time we go. Yesterday Paul planted our new rock garden and it looks so pretty. We just need a few more plants to fill in some gaps and it will be finished. Photos to come soon.

Dialysis was good yesterday - each time I am managing to do more by myself. Next time I am going to start learning to line the machine and then it will be the actual needling. It will be lovely to be able to do it myself and feel in control. Josh and I enjoyed watching the tennis which helped the time go quickly.

“…there is nothing you can want, there is nothing you can ask for,

there is nothing you can need in time or in eternity,

there is nothing living, nothing dying,

there is nothing in this world, nothing in the next world,

there is nothing now, nothing at the resurrection-morning,

nothing in heaven

which is not contained in this text —

“I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” Charles Spurgeon

How amazing is that - nothing that can make God leave me or forsake me. He is totally reliable.

Yesterday was good - lovely to have no hospitals! Lovely to see the girlies.

Today dialysis with Josh. It will be great to spend some time with him. Wish my girlie was here so that all my chicks were under the same roof! It gets harder and harder to all be together. For all those of you with little ones treasure your days they go so quickly. Don't worry about the housework it will always be with you!!!

Today a bit of gardening with Paul before dialysis. Hoping to plant the little alpines into the new rockery. It is going to look wonderful.

I have been listening to this song.

Laura Story - Blessings

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‎*This album is now on iTunes:http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/blessings/id429376000 Visit Laura Story's website:http://www.laurastorymusic.com/ Laura Story.

We pray for blessings

We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

by Laura Story

We can't explain why we have to suffer but I do think that it is in the darkest days we learn the most. In the dark reaches of the nights that is when we see God and feel him holding our hands. This journey would not be my choice I would so much prefer to be going along to work, doing my own shopping, ironing, cleaning, driving myself everywhere. But this is the journey he has given me and I am learning to be content in the here and now - understanding that maybe his blessings come through raindrops. The writer of this song describes how she and her husband have been coping with his brain tumour and have learnt that maybe 'God doesn't give us what we want but what we need' Hard to fathom but just maybe that is what it is all about.

I am wading my way through this chemo, knowing that the end is in sight. I am 9 days post chemo and the tiredness is still huge. My fingers are struggling to type this morning as I can't feel the keys. My body feels worn out and very battered but the end is in sight. Hopefully soon I will turning the corner and beginning to feel better.

In 4 weeks time I will be going for dialysis before going to Brighton for Josh and Debz wedding. It is coming so quickly now. I can't wait. Josh is coming home today for the weekend. I guess this will be our last time of having him home as an unmarried man. When he comes home next it will be with his bride as he starts a new family. Wow! How grown up am I !! I am so proud of the man he has become.

Today is Chloe's 22nd birthday. She is off camping with Ed. Hopefully they aren't having too much rain. She has taken our old camping stove - great that it is getting more use after sitting in our shed for ages.

It is also Joy's birthday - we do well in our family at sharing birthdays.

Today - ladies who lunch and then ladies who chat! Its been a busy week for many of the group.

Today - more blood - hurrah! Hopefully I should be feeling much better tomorrow. I am hoping my white count is not too low as the injection has meant that I have been awake a lot in the night with awful back pain. Papageno was very pleased to join me while I had a bath at 2 in the morning! He has also discovered that he can get out/in through the bedroom window. He arrived on the flat roof yesterday morning and was very surprised to see me! He wouldn't come in through the window - just kept staring up at the window as if it might come down on his head! He has now conquered his fear and is pleased to find another entrance/exit to the house!

Yesterdays visit to Wisley was lovely. We managed to avoid most of the showers. We are now the proud owners of some lovely alpines - they just need planting. I was exhausted after my visit and spent the rest of the afternoon/evening in bed.

So off to dialysis on my own today. I have my bible study to complete and notes for book club this evening. Also I have the next CS Lewis film to watch. So all is good.

Dialysis was fine yesterday but blood wasn't. I need a blood transfusion on Thursday as my hb was very low. Probably due to bleeding on Monday. My white count was also low and my neutrophil (one type of white cells) was very l ow. So after lots of discussion the renal dr phoned my oncologist who came to see me. I don't want to end up in hospital with a very low count so we decided to use 1 injection into my tummy and repeat blood test on Thursday. The injections give me severe back pain hence the reluctance to use them. It was really good to feel like I was in control of the decisions.

Today Paul has a day off and we are going to Wisley to get alpines for our new rock garden that Paul has been building. It is looking really good and just needs plants.

So glad my line is out although feeling sore this morning. It was tricky to get comfy in the night as I now usually sleep on that side as my scar is on the other side. The Consultant who took my line out was lovely and chatted the whole time.My body had done a very good job at building skin around the lines to hold onto them. Unfortunately I had to have 2 cuts instead of the usual 1 and 6 stitches instead of the usual 2! Ho hum - never mind it will heal I am sure. The Dr was very apologetic that I will have more scaring - as if this matters. The wonderful thing is that I now have no lines in my body. It will take about 7-10 days until I can have the stitches out and then I will be able to have a shower and go swimming. I have ordered my new swimming costume so I will be ready. Just need to check when is the quietest time to go swimming. Don't need lots of people watching as I try to remember how to swim especially as I will be a bit unbalanced due to different shape!!!! May not be able to swim due to my difficulties with my shoulder - mmmm hadn't thought of that. We will have to see - watch this space!

Still feeling very very tired from chemo - looking forward to starting to feel a bit better- maybe by the weekend.

Today dialysis with D. And blood pressure being taken in my arm at last. It will be interesting to see what it is.

Tesio line all out. It was quite tricky and took quite a long time but it is done - hurrah! I had a lovely consultant take it out. He chatted away while he did it. The scleroderma made it difficult. I now have 6 stitches in which have to stay about a week. Then i will have them taken out and I will be able to have a shower and go swimming - yippee!

Today is the day for line removing - hopefully. I will be so glad when this is done. It was the most horrible procedure when it was put in but hopefully it will be much easier to get it out. I have been looking at swimming costumes so will order one when I come home and am line free.

Today physio, then coffee with a friend and then to hospital for line out.

Yesterday was a peaceful day - didn't do much at all. The tiredness seems to fill every cell in my body. Hope to start feeling better soon. I expect I will need a transfusion either this week or next.

I am planning an end of treatment party for September - more details to follow. It is fun thinking about it. Hopefully by then I will have much more energy to organise a party.

I will update you later when the deed is done!

Update I have a lift thank you

Yesterdays shopping trip went well. We managed to kit Ben out for the wedding and for school - just shoes to sort out. Also we managed to get some summer things too. It was so lovely to spend time with him. Hopefully we will do more when his exams are over. Dialysis was yuck - my BP dropped almost as soon as I started and I also had chest pain. In the end they hardly took any fluid off - could be because of the hot weather. We have started to discuss me needling myself - slightly scary. I managed to watch as the nurse needled me yesterday and hopefully I will try soon.

I am to have my Tesio line taken out on Monday at 1.00 as long as my bloods are ok. It seems amazing that I will then be line free. It means I will be able to have a shower after a year of no showers and go swimming. Something I can't wait to do even though I didn't used to go swimming very much before but once you have been told you can't all you want to do is go!!! I will need to get a new swimming costume and a new prosthesis that doesn't hold water. However with my low haemoglobin I am not sure that I will be able to swim very far. But still it will be lovely to be able to go.

I am in need of a lift back from the hospital tomorrow. It will be at about 2.30 unfortunately I won't know the exact time as it will depend how long it takes for me to stop bleeding!!! Always a movable event! Please let me know if you can help. Thank you!

Today I plan a quiet day before my busy day tomorrow. I have physio followed by coffee with a friend and then my Tesio line out.

Saturday has arrived. Friday done. I was so tired yesterday but it was lovely to see Joy and Talia and Chloe came home. Ed has finished exams so Chloe came home to study. She will be home for 7 weeks in 2 weeks time. However in this time she will revise for exams and take exams and then travel back and forwards to Oxford for 3 weeks before then going to Uganda. What a busy girlie! My swing seat is SO lovely. I spent most of yesterday curled up on it. We now need lots of sunny days.

Today Ben and I are going shopping in Reading (with wheelchair) for a new suit and for summer clothes for him. It will be interesting to see how wheelchair friendly Reading is- my guess is that it is not! It will be lovely to spend some mummy and son time - not something we have done much of recently. Chloe will be at home revising and Paul doing jobs. I will then have dialysis - probably watch a film or try and catch up on the Springwatch that I haven't watched. I am so grateful for my computer.

I hope you all have happy weekends planned full of family and laughter.

More than 25,000 times people have looked at my blog - wow! That is amazing that people care enough to be interested in my life. Thank you!

I am battling through this last lot of chemo - struggling with the side effects but aware that this is the last time I will do this. I feel like I have been punched all over.

Yesterday was lovely - coffee with friends and a cuddle with the most gorgeous 5 week old baby. He still pulls his little legs up and fits perfectly into your arms. All the potential to be anything he wants in that tiny little body. It was so lovely to sit in R's beautiful garden with the birds singing around us and roses blooming spreading their sweet scent into the air. A perfect morning. Dialysis was OK - more talk about having my line out but still no date - ho hum!

Today - a quiet day coping with side effects. However I will be able to sit in the garden on my beautiful new swing seat which arrived yesterday. Perfect timing.

Last chemo done and my PICC line taken out - yippee! It was a long day yesterday. They asked us to come in at 11 but actually didn't start my chemo until 2.30 so a lot of sitting around waiting. It was SO busy in the ward. However they were able to take out my PICC line which was wonderful. I am off to have a bath with 2 arms for the first time in a year. It was lovely to see Josh and Debz if only for a few minutes. Debz has moved into their new flat. This will be their first home together - how exciting. It was lovely hearing Josh talk about hoovers and mops etc....

Today coffee with friends and then a friend taking me to dialysis.

So here we are - last day of chemo - hopefully ever! It feels very strange to be at this point. I still have to have the chemo and the next few weeks of yucky side effects but then it is done - over. Then I start the scary part of cancer - on my own! People liken it to coming home from hospital with your new born - on your own. There won't be weekly blood tests and appointments with Drs. In fact I won't now see the oncologist for 6 weeks. I begin this part of the journey after treatment. With breast cancer you are now never considered cured. It is something I will live with for the rest of my life. I will have to learn to live with niggles always causing concern and fear that it has returned but this will be part of my new normal. Dr C warned me that it takes a year to 18 months to recover from chemo but thats OK I have the rest of my life to recover. I plan to continue with my blog for at least the next 6 weeks - until my appointment which will be the week after Josh's wedding. Then we shall see. I am hoping to have a party in September to celebrate - life! I hope you will all come.

Thank you again for all your thoughts, prayers, texts and messages. I have felt surrounded by your love.

This verse has been on my heart -

'For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future' Jer 29 v11.

I am in the hands of the Father who has plans for me and for my family. He knows the number of my days and he is in charge of them. I trust him.

Yesterdays show shopping went well. I have a beaustiful pair of shoes and a little handbag in just the right colour. The handbag was the tricky part. I had a lovely time shopping with D. Dialysis went well and I finished watching Avitar which was very beautiful although I could have done with out all the fighting. Needling went well with a new nurse. At last I feel like we are getting there.

Today we might get to see Josh who is coming home with a van to pick up stuff for his new flat which Debz moves into today. What fun for them to begin building there first home together.

I am just waiting for the phone call to say my chemo has arrived.

We have had money taken out of our account for olympic tickets - looks like it might be the rowing tickets. We shall see! It will be lovely to go and see rowing but I did so want to go to the stadium. Oh well at least we can watch it on the television.