My beautiful girlie in Fortnum and Mason with a lemonade float 

Yummy sorbet and chocolate sauce

 We had a wonderful day yesterday - a day full of forever memories. Lovely train journey up to London on a nearly empty train. Lunch in The Parlour at Fortnum and Masons. So yummy! Followed by some window shopping! Beautiful beautiful things - with rather large price tags! Some market shopping and then the theatre to see Les Mis. We had wonderful seats courtesy of airmiles! Second row from the front - it felt like we were in the show! I had seen it before but had forgotten lots of it. It was wonderful - although so very sad. Lots of tears! Fantastic singing - very powerful voices. The journey home was very different from our outward journey - the train was packed and very hot. I had to stand for a while which with swollen legs and feet was quite uncomfortable. It is hard as there are disabled seats but I don't look disabled and can't really ask people to give up their seats. Thankfully a seat became free quite quickly. It was wonderful to spend the day with Chloe. I am very proud of my beautiful daughter and all she has achieved. She works so hard but is always a delight. She coped so well with her project and all its ups and downs. Her professor has asked her to continue with the project next year and to maybe publish it.

Our wonderful news is that Josh has a new job in London. It has been a very stressful few weeks for him as he tried to go to interviews and then decide which job to take. He was in the lucky position of having 2 jobs to choose from. He will begin in the middle of June. He will commute to London from Brighton to begin with and then he and Debs will move to London. I feel quite sad that they will be leaving Brighton as it has been a wonderful place for them to live and begin married life. But it will be lovely to have them so much nearer and hopefully we will be able to see more of them.

A quieter day today to recover!

Busy few days. Saturday was really lovely. The ballet was great and London looked wonderful - lit up by the sunshine. It was great to meet up with lots of family on Sunday. I can't believe Adam is 21 - it feels like only yesterday we went to the hospital to meet him. Yesterday Chloe and I had a lovely shopping trip. We bought 'stuff' ready for her placements. She is going to be spending a lot of time living out of suitcases. She will have to be quite organised or she will never have everything she needs in the right place! We also bought material for her to make wash bags and jammas. She has already made the wash bags and I suspect will have made the jammas by this evening! She loves making - although she doesn't like clearing up very much! 
Tomorrow she and I are off to see Les Mis in London - her holiday treat. 
Thursday and Friday I am sorting out flowers for church on a red white and blue theme hopefully. And I have bible study-  the first for a month. I have missed my girlies. Then Saturday we are back to London to see Madame Butterfly. The last of my London trips for a while. Goodness me we have been busy! Think the rest of the bank holiday weekend will be quiet! 

So 2 years ago this is what I wrote -

So here we go my first blog post. How exciting!

I have decided to blog to keep people informed about my new adventure.

Yesterday I was diagnosed with breast cancer. (It gets easier to type that the more often I do)

It wasn't too much of a shock as I had thought that would be the outcome of the tests I had last week.

By the time I went for the results I had thought every thought it was possible to think and just wanted to get on with it! I felt very peaceful despite what was happening. (thanks, I think to everyone's prayers surrounding me)

So the journey begins - I have more tests to come on Friday an ultrasound scan of my abdo and a bone scan on 7th June. Then seeing the oncologist to discuss my treatment plan. Looks likely to be chemo first for 4-6 months. Not looking forward to the side effects - although we are discussing a change in hair colour and style!!! I have always wanted long straight black hair - what do you think?

I have been overwhelmed by everyone's messages and prayers - thank you.

I am holding fast to the hand of the creator of the universe - how amazing is that.

Do you not know? 
Have you not heard? 
The LORD is the everlasting God, 
the Creator of the ends of the earth. 
He will not grow tired or weary, 
and his understanding no one can fathom.

²⁹ He gives strength to the weary 
and increases the power of the weak.

³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary, 
and young men stumble and fall;

³¹ but those who hope in the LORD 
will renew their strength. 
They will soar on wings like eagles; 
they will run and not grow weary, 
they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40

Not sure you need more words - the photos speak volumes! Today I have picked out some of the flowers that we saw - this is just a fraction of the photos we took - over 300! Chelsea is inspirational on so many levels - the show gardens are stunning but feel out of reach for 'us' the normal gardener. But the little gardens do make it feel more possible. We decided to look for little bits of ideas we could take home with us. The colour combinations were stunning and could be adapted, the under-planting in pots, the close planting in a small garden etc..... The red ladybird poppies were amazing dotted carefully amongst the pastel palette. It makes your heart sing! 


We arrived at Chelsea at about 8.15 and managed to stay until 4 - by this time I was EXHAUSTED. I did feel disappointed that I couldn't manage any more as there was still lots to see and I would have liked another visit to the show gardens - but hey ho! I had managed to walk all around the Chelsea Flower Show.  Last year I was in a wheel chair. We also managed to drink a whole jug of Pimms (I wonder if that is good for my kidneys) We came home with a new member of our family - a beautiful heron who now stands proudly by the water feature in the garden. And my new extravagant hat which I love and will be worn all summer. 


Yesterday was a full stop day - I need to plan more of those as they do help me to recover. It isn't what I had planned but it was very necessary. 


Today all my chicks will be in their nest. Josh and Debs are coming home for the weekend. Chloe also comes home after working all week at a boat show. Tomorrow we are going to the ballet in London with J and D. I love London in the sunshine it is so beautiful. On Sunday we are celebrating Adam and Joys significant birthdays with a family party. Lovely! On Monday Josh goes for a final interview for a possible new job in London. Very exciting! 


Today I have flower arranging and then hospital appointment with my rheumatologist. I am hoping that I will move to 6 monthly appointments now after a year of seeing him 3 monthly. All my autoimmune diseases seem to be under control which is completely amazing. My kidneys seem to have settled down after the pain at the beginning of the week. So all is looking good for the time being. I am always on my guard - maybe I always will be. 


Maybe more photos tomorrow. 


I hope you all have wonderful weekend plans 

The start of the day 

The controversial tower 

Joe Swifts garden 

Beautiful planting 

My new hat 

Little people and orchids 

My very own camera man 

Our favourite garden

We had the most wonderful day. I will put more photos on facebook tomorrow.And will write more  later. I am exhausted but very happy.

Life is a roller-coaster ride isn't it! Today I have woken with kidney pain in my back. I get twinges now and again but today it is very definite pain so I intend to drink lots, take it easy and hope that it improves. A day sitting in the sunshine may be called for! If it continues I will go for a blood test on Thursday. 


The change in the weather is wonderful and just at the right time for our visit to Chelsea . You may remember that last year we managed to go on the best day - with beautiful sunshine and it looks like it will again be beautiful sunshine tomorrow. I can't wait. 


Jenni Murray has written an interesting article    Jenni Murray: Robin Gibb didn't lose any 'battle'
www.independent.co.uk in the Independent today. Many people talk about fighting cancer as if it is a battle that can be won or lost by the individuals will power. That someone who 'wins' their battle has done so because they were 'brave' or 'courageous' or because they had 'thought positively'. Imagine how that leaves the families of those who haven't won their battle or didn't think so positively.  

I think it is hard to get the language right - I did feel at times I was in a physical battle to survive against the side effects of the drugs and the treatment. But I do understand that that language does suggest that if you die it is because you didn't fight hard enough and I am sure that is not the case for many people. Also I am sure positive thinking helps make the whole journey easier but it will not make you well on its own. This is an interesting debate - there are many of them surrounding cancer. Mostly I don't get involved. Each person needs to deal with it in their own way. using their own language. I am sure that if it helps to see it as a battle then that is ok. 

Sorry that is a bit waffly - I may come back to it a few days when I have thought it through a bit more - what are your thoughts? 

Feeling SO much better today - back to my new normal! I am very much looking forward to this week which includes coffee with friends and hopefully a visit to school,  Chelsea Flower Show on Wednesday, patchwork meeting and Josh and Debs home for the weekend. I also have a visit on Friday to the Rheumatologist - I am hoping that I will now move to 6 monthly visits as I have been clear of autoimmune disease for 2 years since I started the chemo. This is amazing and with everything else going on I tend to forget about it. But I take no tablets to control the autoimmune part of my disease - it seems that the chemo has sent it into remission. Or as one Dr suggests that now I am not fighting the cancer my immune system has settled down again. Whatever has caused it to be gone I am very grateful. I do have damage to most of the joints in my body but it is not progressing and my skin which was tight all over my neck and arms has settled down. 


The weekend will be busy as we will have all our chicks home in the nest. Josh, Debs, Paul and I are going to London to the ballet on Saturday. On Sunday we have a family celebration for Adam's 21st birthday and Joys birthday. I must remember to book a quiet day for Monday! 


It has been lovely to have Chloe home this weekend - she has spent most of the weekend sewing a beautiful quilt for Ed. Photos to follow when she has finished. She is going back to Southampton to work at a boat show  for a few days. Next week we are going to see Les Mis together. 


In a few weeks a very special little friend of mine is taking part in the 'Race for Life'. She will be running for me. Hopefully I will have more details of how you can sponsor her later on in the week. She is 9 years old and her name is Phoebe. She and her sister have been wonderful friends throughout the last 3 years - making me cards and buying presents and filling my house with butterflies. I love them very much and am so glad they are part of my life and my journey. 


I have been watching pictures of the torch relay - so grateful I am alive to see the Olympics come to Britain. It is wonderful to read some of the stories of the torch bearers - so many brave and courageous people. 


Life is wonderful! 

Yesterday was a bit of a non day - I stopped and spent the day in bed. It was a good plan as today I feel heaps better and my kidneys have stopped hurting. I think this just serves as a reminder that I still can't live life normally! Chloe was laughing at me as one minute I am frustrated that I can't get on with life and the next I am just so glad I am alive to see the Olympics! When I was in hospital I was thinking about the Olympics and thinking that I might not get to see it and here I am watching the torch relay - so thankful! I am a contrary Mary!  


Today I am hoping to do some gardening. I need to plant the last of my seeds before they die of neglect. Hopefully it won't rain. We have had enough rain. We are watching the weather forecast for next week - especially Wednesday. Last year we had such a hot day - this year we are just hoping it doesn't rain! 


I hope you all have wonderful weekends planned. 

I have struggled all week feeling very tired - post holiday exhaustion . Today - given in and gone to bed. When I get tired like this it is impossible to keep going. It is not the sort of tiredness that gets better after a sleep - it feels like my very bones are too tired to function!   I think I may need to stop for a few days and let my body recover. It is frustrating but something I have to accept. I keep thinking I am well again and am reminded that my body is still in a battle and may always be.

I need to recover as we have tickets to Chelsea again next week - I am feeling excited as I look at the gardens. I am especially looking forward to seeing my lovely Koren gardener who has designed a show garden this year.

Today Chloe gave her presentation of her project and she comes home tomorrow for a months holiday. Not sure how much we will see of her she is working at the boat show next week, and going to Annecy with Ed and his family and going on a few days cycle ride. Its lovely for her to stop though and not think about patients and illness.

My favourite place in all the world. And I was able to go - hurrah! It was hard to say goodbye as I never know what the future holds.

We had a wonderful 6 days plenty of rain and some sunshine. All our travel plans went well on the way there  and we arrived to be met by our lovely taxi man. The hotel couldn't have made us more welcome and went out of their way to make sure that I had plenty to eat! Even leaving tomatoes out of everyones soup one evening so that I could have it. We had a little apartment which was so lovely and gave Paul space to sit in when i was having a rest. Not that he used it much as he walked. Chloe arrived safely on Thursday - her journey had been a little more adventurous and involved 2 phone calls to the taxi company to say she would be late. It was lovely to have her with us. We walked, went on bus trips, boat trips, shopped, visited Wordsworth's house, walked some more, watched lambs, walked some more and ate SO MUCH! It was perfect in every way. We had plenty of rain but it didn't stop us doing anything and we even had a day of sunshine. Everything was just as I had remembered and I felt so very thankful to be able to go. I have stored a whole heap of forever memories. I very much hope to be able to go back but if not those memories are stored away to bring to mind when needed.

The mountains and lakes so remind me of the wonderful creator we have who unconditionally loves me. I love that the scenery doesn't change - a testament to the unchanging nature of God. He is and was and is to come. Those mountains were there long before I was and they will be there for my grandchildren and great grandchildren long after I am gone.

There are more pictures on facebook

We're back - all fine had a lovely lovely holiday. Details and photos later. Thank you for all your emails and texts wishing us a happy holiday. Tidy up and washing day today! Back to the real world!

One day to go - hurrah! Just getting everything sorted at home and finish packing and we shall be off. I still can't believe it will happen. I want to go now before anything can stop us! We will be quite out of touch when we are there which will be strange. Our mobiles don't get signal - too many hills and we won't have a TV or computer. It will be very peaceful. We will be doing lots of little walks(probably in the rain), lots of reading and knitting and drinking coffee! Maybe even a few scones and rum butter - yummy! I am going to try and be less strict about my diet for 6 days but still drink lots of fluid. Hopefully that will be OK especially as my blood count was so good last week. It will be SO lovely to be away and to be in my favourite place in all the world.

Recently I have been thinking a lot about the last 3 years and when will it stop defining who I am. It is very hard  to think beyond illness as it has so shaped my life. I feel that if I meet new people now I have to explain about what has happened because I am so different to the person I was. When will that stop being the case? When will I just get on with life? Will I ever? My body limits what I can do and that is hard to come to terms with. Having said that I do so much more now than a year ago - maybe that will keep increasing. mmmmmmm lots to think about. It would be better if I wasn't a thinker - then I would just get on with it!

So this is my last post for a week - when we meet again I will have had my holiday and will be suffering post holiday blues!!!!

Well what do you think of my new background? Just right for this weather!!! I will change it again when we get sunshine!

Just 2 days until our holiday - yippee! I have nearly finished my packing and just want to go. Tuesday is taking such a long time to get here. I keep thinking something will happen and we won't go. Just thinking about it makes me cry. I can't wait.

My finished cardigan for dialysis - only 7 months late!

Friday - 4 days to go! The countdown has begun. Hoping the weather will improve by Tuesday. It would be really lovely to have one sunny day.

Today - shopping, flower arranging, ladies who lunch, bible study, cooking.

Me in the Rooftop Restaurant  RSC theatre 

Cocktails - very yummy! 

The theatre including swimming pool! 

Shakespeare's House and a little drowned rat!!!!

The view from the Rooftop

As you can see from the pictures we had a wonderful if rather wet 2 days in Stratford. Everything was perfect (apart from the rain!) 

Twelfth Night was really magical - we had wonderful seats although I think it would be difficult not to have a good seat in the new theatre. The actors were all great and the scenery and  costumes were outstanding. I loved it and would have been very happy to see it all again straight away! We can also recommend the Rooftop restaurant where the food (and cocktails) were extremely good. 

Visiting Shakespeare's House was a great pleasure with actors who interacted with the visitors. They were very knowledgeable and answered our questions very well. We were privileged to have one perform a speech from one play and another sing one of the songs. As it wasn't busy they gave us lots of time which was great. 

We even managed a little shopping in M&S. 

Yesterdays appointment with the renal consultant went well. This time it was a Dr who I saw when I was first admitted. He attached my first neckline for  dialysis. he was very sweet and told me 3 times he wouldn't have recognised me! Not surprising as I now have hair!!! He was very pleased with my progress and said that my levels are now very stable. He said that he felt that my kidneys would now remain stable as long as the cancer remains gone.     My blood pressure is still a bit up and down so he has increased my drugs and gave me an appointment for 4 months time. 

This week has gone past so quickly and I haven't done all that I wanted to but hey ho! Just 5 days until we go away - I think it is going to happen . Wow!