Lunch with the ladies was lovely. We do food well! My new teapot had its first outing although nobody actually had normal tea! Papageno has found a new place to sleep! I am now waiting for my oldest boy to come home.

Bournemouth was lovely yesterday. It was so warm - although the sea was freezing! We did paddle but that was it - only the hardiest souls would have gone swimming. We started our visit at Alum Chine - where I spent many lovely holidays with my family as a child. It does look rather different now. We had lunch in a lovely restaurant overlooking the sea. It was a great day to go as it wasn't too busy. The beach is a perfect place for people watching. We then walked the 1 mile back to Bournemouth Pier. A year ago I thought I might never be able to walk a mile again. We had coffee overlooking the much busier area of the sand by the pier. Then a walk in the park before getting the train home. A perfect holiday day.

Today we are getting ready for the family party tomorrow and for all the chicks and their partners coming home. We shall be a full to overflowing house this weekend! 16 for lunch tomorrow. Also the ladies are coming to a bring and share lunch here today. My new teapot will have its first proper outing! Paul is off to London after helping me get the house ready. It is also Debz H's last day with us. It has been such a joy to have her with us sharing her life. I will miss her.

Lovely resting day! I spent most of the day on my swing seat with my kindle in the sunshine - perfect holiday! Our garden is looking wonderful - just like a show garden - thanks to Paul's hard work. We ate out - in the garden thanks to M&S.

Tomorrow we are off to Bournemouth - all being well - to paddle in the sea and visit a childhood haunt. We have been so blessed with the weather.

Lovely day in Windsor - I nearly got run over by some guardsmen! Very scary - shouting! We went to evensong which was beautiful - really lovely singing - although it was a bit like going to a concert rather than a service of worship. The anthem they sang was based on a Negro spiritual. I am absolutely shattered now though so we will be having a rest day tomorrow! I did a lot of walking today and just got moany at the end of the day when I wanted to come home and we still had 3 trains to catch. Its good to know that Paul is worn out too! Windsor looks its best dressed in sunshine.

Magical few days - more details to follow when I am not so tired!!! London very beautiful in the sunshine. Kew beautiful. Windsor tomorrow - all being well followed by a rest day on Wednesday.

What a lovely week to have a home holiday. Looks like sunshine for the first 5 days - yippee! We are off to London today to the David Hockney exhibition which I am really looking forward to seeing. And then on to a mixed programme of ballet at the Royal Opera House. All accompanied by sunshine. I love London in the sun. What a treat! I am hoping to take photos to make into a book of our holiday. Oh I am a lucky girlie.

Enjoy the sunshine this weekend.

Yesterday was cooking day. I made a lemon cake, a chocolate cake for a friend, blueberry cakes and spring biscuits for ladies bible study. I had great fun and I was very thankful for the energy to cook for so long. Lovely!

Today - coffee with a friend and ladies bible study.

Tomorrow is the start of our holiday at home week. I am very excited about it and we are treating it like a holiday without packing!!! I hate packing so that is very good.

Saturday - trip to London to see David Hockney exhibition and to the ballet, lunch booked in a French bistro - yummy!

Sunday - church and recovery day!

Monday - Kew Gardens - hopefully in the sunshine

Tuesday - garden and recovery day

Wednesday - Windsor Castle tour and evensong

Thursday - Oxford to continue my cathedral tours

Friday- ladies who lunch, recovery day, Chloe, Ed, Josh and Debs come home

Saturday - family birthday celebrations here

Sunday - church and lunch

Who would have thought at this time last year I would be well enough now to do all that? This time last year I had just had a blood transfusion and received permission from PCT to start the new chemo drug. I am so thankful for my life.

if you would like to hear my interview it is now on the website http://www.abch.org.uk. You can find it under media library lent course 21.3.12. It is towards the end of the session where David teaches on suffering. Please do listen to his bit too - it is really helpful.

Last night I was interviewed as part of our lent group. Afterwards i was asked if I could put my notes on here so that others could read it. It will also be available to listen to on our church website

http://www.abch.org.uk which includes the teaching we had on suffering.

Interview at lent group

Tell us a little bit what has happened to you over the last 2 ½ years?

In August 2009 I went to see a Rhematologist following 3 months of swelling in my hands and feet. I was diagnosed with RA given a steroid injection and a drug called methotrexate to control the disease. Methotrexate takes about 8 weeks to work and in the meantime I took steroids. I went home from that appointment slightly scared about the future. In the next 2 weeks the disease went out of control – it attacked my muscles, I could hardly walk and couldn’t eat, my skin became very tight and I came out in strange patches all over my legs. I also developed a superficial blood clot. I returned to the Rhematologist who said that the disease had changed into a rare autoimmune disease helpfully called mixed connective tissue disease which affected joints, muscles, skin and sometimes organs. I was very ill and very scared at the speed of the disease. We then had to wait for the drug to take affect. The steroids I was taking are amazing drugs but they have major side effects – I seemed to get them all. I became paranoid, scared of everything unable to be left alone at all. It was an awful time. I struggled to see God in this and we prayed very hard. I kept verses by my side in bed and songs written out to sing in the night time when the panic overwhelmed me. Thankfully after about 3 months the drugs began to work. I started back at work very slowly in March and my life was getting back to a new normal.

At the beginning of May I noticed that my breast wasn’t looking right and I went to see my gp. She examined me and said she thought it was fine but I was still worried so we decided that she would refer me to the breast clinic where everyone was very sure it was all fine but sent me for a mammogram. On the mammogram they found a lump and immediately did an ultrasound the area and a biopsy. We waited a week for the results and I came to terms with what I was sure they would say. I know that many of you had been praying for me at this point and I was very peaceful as I went for the results. I was told I had an aggressive form of breast cancer, which would need a year of treatment.

I had the great privilege of having both a Christian surgeon and oncologist who have been so supportive. It was decided that I would have chemo before surgery. I began treatment on 10^th June (Chloe’s 21 st birthday). I was ready for the side effects had my bucket and my scarves. Over the weekend I became iller and iller. I couldn’t climb the stairs and I couldn’t walk across the room without being puffed. By the Tuesday I was feeling really ill. Paul took me to hospital where they did a blood test and admitted me for a blood transfusion.. I had the transfusion and they did another blood test before sending me home. I will always remember the oncologist coming into my room to tell me that they had found that my kidneys were really struggling. I had scans and blood tests and eventually at 10..00 on Thursday evening I saw the renal consultant who told me that my kidneys had completely failed and that I needed to have dialysis urgently. I was fitted with a line directly into a vein in my neck and began dialysis. During the next 21/2 weeks I saw many Drs while they tried to work out what had happened.

Dialysis for anyone who doesn’t know about it is where a machine basically washes your blood filtering out the unwanted waste and controlling the minerals within your body. It takes about 4 hours 3 times a week as a minimum. It leaves you feeling very poorly. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

I left hospital with a line in my chest and a probably diagnosis of acute renal failure caused by the skin condition scleroderma part of the autoimmune disease. It was unknown whether the chemo or the steroids I had with the chemo were the cause.

For the next year I had a total of 9 months of chemo, 4 weeks of radiotherapy, a mastectomy and lots of physio. All the while carrying on with dialysis 3 times a week. I finished my breast cancer treatment in June last year just in time for Josh my sons wedding. I lost my hair twice and had quite bad side effects as because of my kidney disease there are many drugs that I can’t take. At that time I asked the renal consultant if it was possible for my kidneys to recover. She told me that after a year of dialysis it would not be possible for my kidneys to recover and that I would be on dialysis for the rest of my life or until I had a transplant, which is not allowed until you have been clear of cancer for 5 years.

We began to plan for home dialysis, I learnt to insert my needles into my fistula and we started to get a room ready. At the end of October the renal consultant came to see me in dialysis. It was a very ordinary dialysis session but an extraordinary day for me. She said – ‘ I have been looking at your recent blood results and they are very good – I think your kidneys maybe recovering and I would like to stop dialysis to see. I was completely silent and didn’t know whether to believe her or not. I have not had dialysis since then. My blood results show that my kidneys are working at about 20% enough for my body to cope without dialysis. They had no protocol for me as they said this just doesn’t happen. Every Dr I see is amazed by what has happened and talks about it in terms of a miracle and that I have angels watching over me.

What has helped you through your journey?

When I had the breast cancer diagnosis I had over 100 texts in a day. I couldn’t keep up with them. So I began a blog – this has been a fantastic way of recording God’s faithfulness. I can look back and see his footprints all over my journey. It was a great way of letting people know what to pray for and for working through what was happening to me. I also couldn’t have managed with out my wonderful supportive family and friends. Especially my church family who have fed us, accompanied me to dialysis, kept my vases full of flowers, prayed for us, supported us, listened especially to me as I have worked through all that has happened. Verses written out became very helpful reminding me on days when I struggled that God keeps his promises even when it doesn’t feel like it.

What have you learnt?

I am completely changed. In September 2009 Julian came to visit me and as we chatted I told him that what I wanted from this journey was to know God, to know him whatever happened and to know that he is right with me. Julian read this to me :

Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

³¹ but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40

This is what I have clung onto. My worst day was when I had a kidney biopsy and my lungs filled with fluid and my oxygen levels dropped dramatically. That night I lay in my hospital bed listening to the oxygen being piped into my body and thought OK this is it. I may die now - I am so ill. I have to decide do I believe that God is here in this moment or not, do I believe he is in charge or not. Is he sovereign over all things? It was pivotal in my journey – I became sure that night this was his journey for me. He had allowed this to happen and he would walk beside me holding my hand. It wasn’t what I would have chosen for me, for my family or for my friends but it was what God had allowed and I now had a choice – to hold on very tight to his hand or to let go and cope on my own. I chose to hold tight to the hand of the creator of the world who loved me enough to allow his son to die for me. People suggested that God doesn’t let us go through more than we can cope with but I believe differently. Sometimes he does ask us to go through more than we can cope with on our own but with him beside us giving us the strength and guidance we can get through and from my experience we can get through with real joy. Early on I decided that if this was my last few months on earth then I needed to make the most of them. To treasure each and every day and to find joy all around me.

Has it been easy since then?

No. I decided early on I would be as honest about my journey as I could be. I have had good days and bad days. Maybe more like bad moments when I have been overwhelmed. Paul has taken the brunt of those bad moments when I have been full of self pity and groaned and moaned, particularly when using my bucket! But I can honestly say I have never felt that God has left me or that this hasn’t been his plan for me. I have sad moments when I think that I may not see my children marry or meet my grandchildren. But I know he has numbered my days and nothing can change that. I love my life every moment of it but I am sure of eternity. People have said I am brave or courageous and I am not either of these things – in my natural self I am scared of lots of things, I am impatient and grumpy and I had always thought that given a cancer diagnosis I would fall apart. I struggle like most of us do to pray and I can easily slip into self pity. Please don’t think this is because I am in any way different. But God has sustained me by his word, he has given me his promises to cling onto and apart from a few moments ever since that night in the hospital I have not been afraid. This has been his gift of grace.

Why not complete healing?

I have thought a lot about this. I believe God heals and that he could have made me completely well. But he chose to allow me to have to trust in him on a daily basis. I carry the scars of my journey – many of my joints are damaged, I have a mastectomy scar and my arm carries many scars. I can’t stand up and sing at the same time as I may have some damage from the radiotherapy to my lungs. I have regular blood tests and I have to eat a special diet and I have to inject myself with a drug to tell my body to make red blood cells, – all this reminds me that God is in charge. Early on I read that anxiety and trust can’t live together – if I am anxious I am not trusting. I now have to choose to trust that God is in charge – he will choose when I will die, whether I need to go back on dialysis and whether the cancer returns – it is all in his hands. My job is to trust him, holding on tight to his hand thankful for each and every day that I am given.

Be still my soul, the Lord is on thy side,
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide,
In every change, He faithful will remain…
Be still my soul, thy best, thy heavenly friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end

There is so much that I have missed out in writing my journey down but it would have taken for ever to say it all!! I am slowly writing an account of it all so that I don't forget what God has done.

This picture is a word cloud of the words I have used to write my interview for this evenings lent group. The words that stand out - dialysis (of course) blood, disease, journey and know God. That sums it up really. Early on I told Julian that I wanted to 'know God' throughout this journey and to know that He is there in our darkest days. I am still on that journey of learning to know God but I can truly say He is there right with us what ever befalls.

I had a wonderful day yesterday with my friend D. We went to Henley to look for preloved items! I bought a beautiful plate to add to my collection which is growing. Soon I will add photos to show you my preloved cups, saucers, plates and tablecloths. We had a lovely pootle and then had lunch and chatted. What a privilege it is to have good friends to share your life with.

Today some more seed sowing (I started on Monday), some tidying, some cooking and lent group this evening.

Sunshine - yippee! And it looks like it is going to be a sunny week. Lovely. I must get my seeds planted this week in my new propagator.

Yesterday was such a lovely day. Chloe came home as a surprise which was wonderful. We had a lovely day together eating, chatting, sewing and cooking. I also had a long chat with Josh on the phone catching up with all his news from the week. He is coming home in 2 weeks for the weekend when we have a family birthday celebration for all family birthdays from January to April - we have a lot!

I am writing notes for an interview at our lent study group. It is so good to look back and see God's hand - how faithful he has been. And how far I have come.

Saturday and a slow and wet start! I am looking forward to a meal out this after noon with one of my favourite families. How lovely to spend time with them all. Paul is at church at the moment, as he has been every day this week, trying to sort out the flooding in the boiler room. It is like a comedy show - every day a new trial! As ever he attacks it with humour and makes us all laugh in the process. I love that he has such patience and doesn't get frustrated just keeps going. He is my shining star!

Our bible study focussed on anxiety and frustration yesterday - it was a really good study and a challenge to us all. Another good reminder that anxiety and trust CANNOT walk together. If we are anxious we are not trusting - full stop.

This week ahead holds a variety of things, a visit to Henley to look, maybe, for a teapot to go with my lovely cups and saucers and plates that are growing slowly, coffee with friends, seed sowing in my new propagator, lent study, last bible study for this term wow! Where has this term gone to?

The following week Paul and I are having a weeks holiday at home! Paul has to take a week off to use up his holiday so we are going to go out for days and have m and s food! We plan to go to Windsor to visit the castle, Kew gardens, maybe Savill etc.... pretending we are away while being at home! I am looking forward to spending a week with Paul.

It is 11.00 at night and I am in a reflective mood. I have been asked to take part in an interview at church as part of our lent study. I have just reread what I wrote at my end of treatment party and it has lead me to think how far I have come from that day in August 2009 when I was first diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. Who could have known what a journey I would make to reach this point? I am a different person. I used to be a glass half empty person and I am now a glass half full and bubbling over person! My life is full of joyful moments and I truly treasure each and every day. I have been given a very special chance to live life and I am doing so. I know I am loved by so many people who tell me regularly but also I know I am loved by the creator of the world who has gone ahead of me to prepare the way. He has written out my days and he knows their number. He knows the number of hairs on my head and cares deeply about me. He knew the plan he had for me and he has walked along side me all the way - wow! I still have scary thoughts especially in the middle of the night or when I get odd pains. But I know all things are in his hands.

This week we sang a song at lent group - a very old song sung to a new tune the words speak deep to my heart:

1. How firm a foundation, you saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent word!
What more can He say to you than He has said—
you who, unto Jesus for refuge have fled?

2 In every condition, in sickness and health

In poverties vale or abounding in wealth;

At home or abroad on the land or the sea

As days may demand, shall your strength ever be.

3. “Fear not, I am with thee, oh, be not dismayed,
For I am your God, and will still give you aid;
I’ll strengthen you, help you , and cause you to stand,
Upheld by My righteous , omnipotent hand.

4. “When through fiery trials your pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be your supply;
The flame shall not harm you; I only design
Your dross to consume and your gold to refine.

“The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose,
I will not, I can not , desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavour to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.”

That is what he has been and still is doing. He is refining me - making me more like Jesus. Thankfully throughout he has been showing me more and more that his grace (his undeserved love) is all sufficient. And whatever is thrown at me (and it has been a lot) I know that He will never, no never, no never, forsake. What more can be said!

mmm 2hour wait for my scan yesterday! With no explanation or apology until I asked what was happening when 2 patients who came after me went in before me. I had a long winded explanation about lists and in patients - which didn't seem to apply to these people. I don't at all mind waiting especially if people are very ill and need seeing urgently but a polite explanation and apology would be nice. Or even a suggestion that I could go and get a coffee as I would be waiting a while. They told another patient not to leave in case he was called in! He waited an hour! OK rant over!

The results of my scan were good and showed that I have 2 possibilities for fistulas in my right arm should I need one. That is good news and hopefully that is now the end of my fistula story!

Last night I finished the book 'Mum's List' by St John Green. It is a book about a list that was written by a lovely Mum, Kate who died of breast cancer at 38 when her 2 little boys were 4 and 5. When she was very very ill she began to write a list for her husband and boys. It included all sorts of things she wanted them to do together after she had died and instructions for her husband about bringing up the boys. She included lists of her favourite things so that they would know when they were grown up what she liked and enjoyed. It is a very poignant book but also very uplifting. She wanted them to live life to the full even giving instructions to her husband to love again. What a precious thing for the boys to have as they grow up.

Today is a bitty day - some tidying, collecting prescriptions, shopping, bit of cooking and lent group this evening. I will try to pace myself so that I get everything done with out wearing myself out. I am managing to do more in a day but still try to do that bit extra that pushes me over the edge. I still really struggle with evenings. I often go to bed at 7 because I am too tired and my joints have had enough! Although my autoimmune disease remains stable the damage to my joints means that at the end of a busy day my knees, ankles, wrists, hands etc... ache. I think that will always be the case now. However I do manage to knit or sew in the evenings for a little while.

Listening to Frank Sinatra as I write - lovely. How wonderful it is to be able to listen so easily to music. I remember as a child having to turn on the record player and be careful not to dance too energetically or you made the record jump and it would be scratched. My dad loved to dance and we loved to dance with him. Even when he was quite poorly he still loved to dance - I have lovely memories of dancing with him in the garden of the care home. How precious are memories and how important to remember to take many opportunities to make memories with our children.

I sat last night with Ben as we bought a Reading festival ticket - he was so excited! It is lovely to see him happy again. He sings in the morning, a lovely way to be woken.

Today - dancing as I tidy!!! And a scan at the hospital - ho hum!

What a lovely weekend! Chloe and I had a wonderful time in Southampton on Saturday. Calendar Girls was so funny and poignant all mixed together. They had managed to get a perfect mix. We also had a lovely meal in the theatre restaurant. Chloe has just 3 more weeks of proper living in Southampton before she begins the process of bringing everything home and begins her year of living out of suitcases. Her 5th year is her placement year and she will be working in a variety of places using home as a base. She will be in Guildford for 3 months and then Winchester and Portsmouth and 9 weeks in Southampton. It will be an exciting year as she gets closer to being a real Dr (quite a scary thought). She will have hospital accommodation provided in the week except when she is in Southampton.

Yesterday was so beautiful - we (well Paul and Ben) got the swing seat out and we sat for ages in the garden and even ate our lunch outside. Papageno was a very happy pussy cat having his family outside with him and an open door to go in and out as he pleased. In the evening Josh and Debs popped in on their way back from a weekend with Debs family. It was really lovely to see them although not long enough!

This week does include a hospital visit - a scan on my right arm to see if there is anywhere suitable to place a fistula should I ever need one again. My consultant wanted a plan should the need arise. If it is not possible they would have to look at my legs - not a pleasant place to have a fistula and to needle.

I also have lunch with a friend, lent group, helping at our 'seniors' group, tutoring, bible study and a meal out to celebrate Debz who lives with us birthday.

It's Saturday already - where did that week go to?

Today I am off to Southampton to see Calendar Girls with Chloe. I am looking forward to it although a bit tired already and the day hasn't started! I am glad it isn't raining as the journey is much more pleasant.

I am now the proud owner of 4 preloved cups, saucers and plates. They look very lovely sitting on my shelf. Each one has a secret story - not known but imagined! I am waiting for my 'vintage' tablecloth and then we can have afternoon tea!

In the post yesterday the most lovely jumper and shawl arrived - handknitted by my friend in Canada. Thank you so much K. I will have take photos with my newly dyed and cut hair. I went to the hairdressers on Thursday and had my first hair cut for over 2 years. I nearly have a fringe now and my hair looks like proper hair! You could imagine that I have chosen to have it like this.

I hope you all have lovely weekend plans.

'Sunshine on my face just makes me happy'. It is lovely to see the sunshine and hear the birds singing after yesterdays rain. What a beautiful world we live in.

Last nights lent group was great. Another timely reminder that anxiety and trust can't walk together. God is in charge - full stop.

Today a flute concert at lunchtime - lovely. And book club this evening. Although I haven't finished the book as I lost it for quite a while. I looked everywhere and then found it on Tuesday - ho hum!

And its raining - ho hum! I have looked at 3 weather forecasts for the next few days and they are all different - wondering if I can pick the best from each one and have that! At least it looks like the temperatures are going to be better. That is good for my poorly fingers and toes which have spent a lot of time numb in the last few weeks. It is one thing to have fingers that are white and look dead but another when they turn purple and the feeling returns - ouchy!

My bitty but busy week is going quite well. I am getting 'stuff' done which is good and feels satisfying. I am looking forward to Saturday when I go to Southampton to see Calendar Girls with Chloe. It is a lovely train journey down there and time to people watch and read. Very peaceful. My cup and saucer buying is coming on nicely. I have enjoyed ebay bidding for the first time and the excitement of the last few seconds as you wait to see if you have been successful. I can see how easy it would be to become obsessed! Good job I have set myself a limit!

So I am off to start my day - slightly later than planned but hey ho I can! I hope that you are all in the dry - not out in this wet dreary day.

From pinterest

Today I will dance - whatever the weather. Sometimes I get stopped in my tracks as I realise that I have allowed life to become mundane, I have forgotten to keep looking for the joy in each day and I have stopped dancing. The last 2 months have been a bit like that and I need to remember how fragile and precious EACH day is, right down to the last second given to us it is wonderful.

We were challenged again yesterday to think about what church is. Mostly I think I have got it - it is NOT the building or the institution or (and I realised I do think this sometimes) the event it is the people. Each one vitally playing their part in the body and we should all rejoice when one rejoices and hurt when one is hurting. We were reminded that we need to move from the rota society - serving only when it is my turn on the rota to a group of people who genuinely care for each other. What a difference that would make.

Today - tidying my very messy house and a visit to the auction rooms before the sale on Wednesday. I have never been to an auction so I am looking forward to this. A new experience!

Maybe this week will not include a single GP, hospital, consultant, blood test appointment you never know! Hopefully it will include, coffee with friends, an auction, a lent study group, a lunchtime concert, bible study, book club, some tutoring, some cooking, a bit of cleaning, a bit of washing and ironing and maybe some seed sowing, some sewing, some knitting, some card making, some reading, some sunshine, some rain and lots of joy and dancing. Sounds good to me!

This is a photo of a little bit of colour on a gloomy day. This is the corner of my sofa with some beautiful roses and carnations. These are the colours I love best - as you can tell! How much pleasure colour brings to our lives.

Good shopping day yesterday with Ben and Chloe. It was a real pleasure to spend the day with them. We had a lovely chatty lunch at Jamies. It was great to hear Ben and Chloe sharing their lives together. We managed to get everything we wanted to plus some shoes for Chloe who is going to a 'dinner' on Tuesday with Ed. They are the shoes I would wear if I could wear very high heels!

Yesterday evening Joy and Matt popped in with a very special gift - vintage cups, saucers and plates. I am collecting them for tea parties. I love the idea of the history of them. Each one coming from a home where they have been used (hopefully) for many special occasions or even for many unspecial occasions. Maybe bought for a wedding or anniversary gift and treasured for a whole life time. I have been talking about it for a while and searching second hand shops unsuccessfully but J and M went to a vintage show yesterday. I want them to be mismatched because then each little collection tells a different story.

I am also doing well with my Agatha Christie collection and now have nearly all of Miss Marple's books. I am slowly reading them all - great fun.

Today church and then roast dinner with Paul, Chloe, Ed and Ben - lovely. I may even allow myself an illegal parsnip!

It is quite amazing that last month this blog was looked at 1,324 times. Especially as I waffle such a lot these days! Thank you for continuing to be there for me after all this time.

Today is a foggy day - hopefully it will turn into sunshine later.

Ben's birthday went well yesterday. Although Papageno wasn't so impressed - we gave Ben some monkey slippers and Papageno is very frightened of them especially as sometimes they move and sometimes they just sit there! I also had coffee with a lovely friend - how precious it is to share our lives including our hopes and fears. Honesty can be costly but oh so worth the cost.

Today a morning with Chloe and ladies who lunch and bible study. Chloe has to go back to uni at lunchtime but will be back then for the weekend. I love having her here. The gaps are now getting longer and I miss our chatting. However she will be back for the whole summer as she has placements in Guildford for 3 months. She is beginning to think about what she wants to do in the future and it is so exciting thinking of all the opportunities.

Tomorrow I will spend the day with 2 of my children. We are going out for lunch and then to the cinema. We haven't done that for such a LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG time. Before I was ill. I am looking forward to spending time with them together - lots of chatting and laughing I expect.

I had a long chat with Josh on the phone last night which was lovely. I am slowly learning that he is now a married man and has another life. It is hard to let go and I miss him. But I am very glad that he and Debs are happy and enjoying their first year of married life.

So hopefully you all have exciting weekend plans - Spring feels like it is just around the corner now.