March plans

So it's been a week of recovery from steroids. I have now lost the panicky feeling at the base of my tummy. My strength is still returning slowly. It is nearly 3 months since I was admitted to hospital with methotrexate poisoning and a rare ( unnamed) bug. Who would have guessed how long it would take to recover? I can still only do a couple of things in a day and quickly get exhausted but it is certainly better than it was. Tomorrow I start the new drug - azathioprine and I am hoping it doesn't start all over again. This time they will be keeping a close eye on me and I will be watching for any strange side effects. I had a blood test this week which showed that everything is stable. My kidneys have coped well with all the battles my body has gone through and remain working at about 22%. However the poor nurse couldn't get any blood and resorted to praying whilst trying to find a vein. A good plan as she then found one and got plenty for all the blood tests needed. I have a rheumatology appointment this week and I will discuss getting blood as I need to have weekly blood tests for a few weeks now and then monthly ones and my veins are not happy to give up their precious blood. Not sure that there is an answer. I have washed all my jamas and will get other things ready in case I need another hospital stay once on this new drug. That way hopefully I won't need them!!!!! Last time I didn't have anything ready and people had to go and buy stuff.
All being well we have lots to look forward to in March. It is Ben's birthday this weekend. I can't quite believe that my baby is 19. We are having a birthday lunch on Sunday. next weekend we are going to see Jeeves and Wooster ( one of Paul's Christmas presents), the following weekend we are going to a tasting for the food for the wedding, the next weekend we are going to see Sleeping Beauty with Chloe and Ed and wedding dress alterations ( and I get to try on my outfit) and then we go on holiday for a few days to Bath. I certainly don't have time for a visit to hospital! I need to be well now!
I am really enjoying the signs of spring and the promise of new life. Spring is such a positive time and reminds us all of the promise of a new life Jesus offers at Easter. I have been reading recently of the reminders that pain and suffering bring that this is not out home. That we have a home in heaven where there will be no more pain, no more tears and no more suffering, only joy.

Good news

Yesterday was a day of good news. Ben has at last got an offer from Birmingham for uni ( his first choice uni)- we have been waiting quite a while.  I have finished the steroids ( a week early) with permission from my lovely GP! And Paul has got a ticket for the Bayreuth Festival in Germany to see the opera Tanhauser. These are very sort after tickets which you apply and go into a ballot for. The average wait is 10 years and Paul has been waiting 6! So we were a happy household yesterday. 

I am looking forward to a week of no extra side effects before I start the new drug azathioprine next weekend. 

We had a lovely day yesterday with a surprise visit from my brother Mark and his girls along with Joy and Matt. It was lovely to catch up with all their news. My nieces are growing up fast - both having started new schools this year, they are changing into young women not little girls. 

So a  quiet weekend with some making I think before my hands get much sorer after the effects of the steroids wears off. As I sit here I can hear the birds singing away - I am sure they are singing ' spring is on its way' The sun is shining and it isn't raining - so much to be thankful for. I hope you all have wonderful weekend plans and are thankful for new days. 

Parcels and spring

 Yesterday I went looking for signs of Spring and I found them in our garden, in the churchyard and in my house. I think it maybe just around the corner waiting to appear. Even as I type the clouds are lifting and the sun is trying to shine.

 I have had some lovely presents recently. My beautiful amaryllis which is now flowering. How amazing they are. I have never grown one before and I am amazed by the huge stem. I am so looking forward to the flower opening completely. Thank you H.

 I had a parcel arrive from Canada which included the most beautiful purple shawl - perfect for wearing in bed, leaving my arms free for 'making'. Thank you K.

 Today I have been to pilates. I have missed it so much when I have been unable to go so it was great to be back. I managed an hour although needed to take breaks. It is great as it can be adapted to suit the needs of each person. I was glad that although I have been unwell for 3 months now the little bits of exercise I have managed at home have kept my core muscles working.

 Little by little I am getting back to life! We have lots of lovely things to look forward to in March so I am hoping that the next lot of tablets and I get on well! 
This week I have reduced the steroids - one day on one day off. I am SO looking forward to stopping them, although not looking forward to the return of the pain!

Amazing amaryllis

Beautiful purple shawl from Canada

Today.......

“What day is it?"
It's today," squeaked Piglet.
My favorite day," said Pooh.”
― A.A. Milne


Today I have been thinking a lot about living in the moment and how important that is. It is so easy for me to only live the days when I am well and to waste the days when I have to rest, to think that they don't count. But today is what we have been given and today is what we need to make the most of each and every moment. So I am here in bed - thankful for today. Thankful for the sunshine out of my window,thankful for the thoughtfulness of my husband, for the quiet, warm bedroom and for my iPad (my window to the world)


I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.”
― Groucho Marx 

So much recently has reminded me that I can choose how I react to the circumstances I find myself in. It is so easy to fall into self-pity - why me, why has this happened? Soon it will be 5 years since I first became ill. 5 years since my life changed for ever. I am aware that more recently I have started to feel that when something goes wrong again - poor me! It 's not fair that that has happened - surely this is enough. I need to remind myself that God is in charge - I am in the process of being changed, it's slow and I am stubborn. But my job is to live today and seek forgiveness from Jesus for all that I 
have done wrong in the past and trust God for the future whatever that brings. 


“We spend precious hours fearing the inevitable. It would be wise to use that time adoring our families, cherishing our friends and living our lives.”
― Maya Angelou

How easy it is to allow fear to rule our days. I can assure you that I have't conquered fear. It still knocks on my door, especially in the quietness of the night. When I get aches and pains I wonder if this is the day that the cancer returns. But I am learning not to allow that fear to control anything. If I live in today and leave the future to God then fear doesn't reign. I am not going to spare time fearing -  I am going to cherish my families and friends and live in this moment.

This week - lunch with my 2 sisters, coffee with friends, flowers, Drs appointment, and reducing steroids ( started yesterday) and hopefully returning to Pilates. Each day lived.

Spring around the corner?

The week has passed quite quickly. Yesterday afternoon I went to my last ever parents evening. Thankfully it was a really encouraging meeting. I felt very proud of my boy who has been through some tough times. It is up to him now - uni beckons. Our job as parents of a school pupil are nearly over. How life will change! This weekend he is off to Birmingahm to stay with Anna and we are home alone!
This weekend - all being well we are going to London with Josh and Debs. And I begin to reduce the steroids. Yesterday as well as going to parents evening I managed to go shopping. It was lovely to be out and about - although I did feel a bit bamboozled by everything around me.
I am aware how blessed I am - how much I have to be thankful for. It has been a hard few months but hopefully I am reaching the end of it. Just one last hurdle - the next lot of tablets which I will start at the beginning of March. Who could have guessed when I started the methotrexate, at the end of November, what a catalogue of difficulties that would start. I am looking forward to spring and getting out and about again. The bulbs peeping out of the soil, the signs of spring in the buds on the trees and the birds singing all point us towards change. New life all around.

In the bulb there is a flower; in the seed, an apple tree;

In cocoons, a hidden promise: butterflies will soon be free!

In the cold and snow of winter there’s a spring that waits to be,

Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

There’s a song in every silence, seeking word and melody;

There’s a dawn in every darkness, bringing hope to you and me.

From the past will come the future; what it holds, a mystery,

Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

In our end is our beginning; in our time, infinity;

In our doubt there is believing; in our life, eternity,

In our death, a resurrection; at the last, a victory,

Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

 Natalie A Sleeth 

Coffee and spring flowers

Monday morning and a little bit of blue sky. I can hear a few birds singing away. Hopefully spring is just around the corner. We are enjoying the bowls of bulbs I planted in the Autumn and looking forward to bulbs poking thir heads up in our waterlogged garden soon. 
Today is day 8 of the steroids. I am now wishing I only had to do one week not 2. Although the side effects are not horrible they do make life hard work. I feel shaky and slightly anxious all the time, although I have no idea what I am anxious about. I wake quite a lot at night but thankfully can get back to sleep unlike last time when I only slept for 2 hours a night. I just don't feel like me! Still only 6 days to go. I am more than half way. 
This week I don't have too many definite plans. I am hoping to tutor and have coffee with friends, arrange flowers and bible study, go to Ben's parents evening ( the very last parents evening I will ever go to) and maybe go to book club. It was so lovely yesterday to be back in church after so long away ( although rather cold) I felt like a real person again!!!! Not an invalid. 
On Saturday my lovely husband surprised me with a wonderful present - a new coffee maker. It makes the most delicious coffee and is so easy to use. So if you are in need of a coffee do pop in! 

6 days done.....

Sorry for my silence this week - I haven't had much to say! I have spent the week switching from being hyper and then exhausted! The steroids make me 'spiky' and I feel like I need to speak fast and do everything very quickly. I flit between tasks never quite finishing anything - a real pain for Paul. But quite funny to watch. Thankfully it wears off as the day goes on and by the evening I feel like me again. My kidneys seem to be coping ok (as far as I can tell) My hands are a little less sore and I managed to shop in tescos without sore feet or sore hands.  However it hasn't been the dramatic effect that I had last time ( it is a much lower dose though). 6 days done 8 to go before I lower the dose by alternating the days. 

This weekend will be a quiet weekend after last weeks busy one. I have watched the amazing slopestyle snowboarding at the Winter Olympics this morning. So, so beautiful scenery and it is almost like they fly. I am looking forward to the rugby this afternoon. Great to have sport while I have to be quieter. 

I hope you all have lovely weekend plans. 

Any one for Steroids?

So Monday morning and I start steroids. I found it very hard to put the tablet in my mouth. I know the Drs all tell me it is such a low dose that it won't do any damage to my kidneys, it is still very scary. I completely understand that I needed to do this but there is so much that Drs don't know. But I am choosing to trust them. More importantly I am trusting that Jesus is with me and he has a plan for me.  So today I am taking everything very slowly and hoping these 2 weeks go quickly! 

We had a lovely weekend. Chloe and Ed arrived home on Saturday evening. It was so lovely to see them. On Sunday we then went to a  material shop in Henley before going to Ed's dads for wine tasting for the wedding. It was great fun. We also had a wonderful meal in their beautiful house. It was great to be discussing the wedding. Josh is desiging the wedding invitations and had sent the first designs which are beautiful. I know he is my son but I am very proud of him. He took our tatty drawings and made them into a beautiful design. It is great to have such personal designs. 

So this week will be slow with no definite plans, hopefully some coffee with friends and some bible study.