Seen Consultant - last chemo tomorrow. Yippee!

He is concerned about the side effects and that my blood is taking much longer to recover - a sign that my body is saying enough. And so he siad enough.

I am so relieved - just the next few weeks to get through.

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers.

Here it is decision day. I so hope that today we decide that tomorrow will be my last chemo day. I have had enough! I am exhausted from a year of treatment and I want my life back even with its new normal. I want to be a mummy again and look after my house, cook our meals and tidy. I am not asking for much! I don't want my thoughts to keep turning to illness and death - ENOUGH. I think I have been quite patient but now...............

Sorry that was a bit of a moan. I am weary of this journey. I will let you know later the outcome.

Today I am going to look for shoes for the wedding. Hopefully I will find a perfect pair.

Already Monday - wow the weekend went quickly. I am feeling very split about my meeting with the oncologist tomorrow. I really want to stop chemo and for Wednesday to be my last one but I know that he may say 3 more and I will have to do it even though I feel like my body can't take any more. I don't ever want to regret not doing what i am told to do. Ho Hum!

Today we are having a birthday lunch for Chloe(her birthday is in 2 weeks but she will be away camping with Ed that weekend). My girlie is 22 - how did that happen? She is working hard revising for her exams in July and working on her last surgical placement ( breast and vascular surgery)

Yesterday Paul and I visited a garden centre and bought a swing seat which will hopefully arrive in a couple of weeks. We also bought some of the plants we saw at Chelsea including a lovely rose called rambling rector. Our garden is looking very good due to Paul's hard work and watering. He is a star.

Tomorrow I may not blog as I am going early to the shops to look for shoes for the wedding before dialysis.

Feeling quite yuck this morning. Been sick - maybe a warning that I have been trying to do too much. I am exhausted so a quiet day today I think.

Dialysis was ok yesterday - i dropped my BP but managed to get my head down quick enough to control it and I didn't bleed- yippee! The needling is going very well and hardly hurt at all which is wonderful. I had a visit from a former patient who had a transplant 3 weeks ago. It was lovely seeing him look so well. His new kidney was given by an altruistic donor ( a person unknown to the patient) and it is doing very well. What an amazing gift. He is a young chap so it is wonderful to see his life so changed. He is planning holidays!

Its lovely having Chloe home - she is off to Brighton to try on her bridesmaid dress today. Josh is having his stag weekend - hope he is still in 1 piece by Monday. He has great things planned with friends from Wokingham and Brighton.

Thank you for the comments about my blog yesterday - I did have such a lovely day on Wednesday - a forever day as we call them. A day that will stay in my memories for ever.

Yesterday was busy and filled with lovely people. Coffee with a friend to start the day followed by ladies who lunch and bible study. Chloe arrived home in the middle of bible study which was lovely. It is great to have her for a long weekend even if she is having to study hard. Eleanore also arrived for the weekend so Ben is very happy - lots of singing!

Today - dialysis yuck! After a difficult session like Thursday I find it even more difficult to go the next time. But hey ho I am sure it will be fine. Please keep praying for Tuesdays meeting with the oncologist when he will decide on the number more chemos I have. I would so like it to be one more.

On Thursday it was a year since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. What a year it has been! I couldn't have forseen what this year would bring. Obviously I wouldn't have chosen this journey but I am a different person because of it. My life is completely different because of it. I am so thankful for all of you who have walked with me, many of you holding my hands through the hardest parts. It has been a long journey and it doesn't end here but I am grateful for your company.

I am so sorry my blogging has been hopeless first it was because it was blocking me and then I was feeling rubbish. Let me tell you about Wednesday. (I apologise to anyone not interested in gardens this will be a long post and you have my permission to skip it!!!!!!)

It started early - we managed to get the 7.30 train up to London. I was so delighted to see the sunshine as soon as we woke. We had decided to go to Vauxhall to get a taxi, as it was the nearest station. If ever you need a taxi in London Vauxhall is not the place! Eventually Paul managed to flag one down.

We arrived at Chelsea and collected the wheel chair (such a good idea to hire one) and began our day. We had decided to head to the show gardens first and aimed for the ones furthest away. Although there were plenty of people around it was easy to get around and we could see the gardens with no difficulty. The first 3 we saw were the B and Q garden with an amazing 9-foot tower filled with herbs and fruit and vegetables. It also had a see through table with fish swimming in it. Not sure any of that would work in our garden. Then to the Irish Sky garden - oh wow! A bright fuscha pink pod which is lifted into the sky and filled with beautiful plants spilling out. It is stunning. Unfortunately in my wheel chair I was unable to see much of the garden at all. Apparently there are nearly 30 pools of water but I could only see 2. I imagine it looks fantastic especially from the air. It is designed by Diarmuid Gavin and he achieved his first gold medal with this garden. It was stunning but very unrealistic for normal gardening. I am so glad we saw this at the beginning as it became very busy later. The last of the show gardens we then saw was the ‘ Making memories with a green poem’. It was so different from the other 2 – so peaceful and full of beautiful flowers and trickling water. The designer ( Ishihara Kazuyuki) was in the garden walking around wearing a shirt which perfectly blended with his garden. It felt possible to take ideas from this garden and translate it to ours.

We then moved onto the Pavilion – a huge structure which fills the centre of the plot. I had no idea how enormous it was. We visited it 3 times and still didn’t manage to cover it all. Each stand was full of amazing flowers and plants beautifully arranged to show them at their best. We struggled to know where to begin. The colours were wonderful. The designers and their staff were so helpful – passionate about whatever plants they grew. It was great to chat to them and we came away with a mass of new ideas and a huge list of plants we would love to try and in our garden. I especially loved the aliums – purple balls of loveliness. We probably covered about a ¼ of the space in our first visit.

Lunch was had in a lovely picnic area with a bandstand where there was a brass band playing a whole variety of different pieces of music.

We moved onto the other show gardens – there were 17 in total. It had become much busier by then. People were very kind and moved out of our way so that I could see. We did however spend much of the day with our hands out to try and prevent people from ending up in my lap! Lots of people walked backwards from the gardens with out looking and tripped over the chair. Each show garden was amazing – full to the brim of plants and trees all displayed amongst amazing structures. I couldn’t say which one I loved the best. I loved the Monaco garden where you felt like you could dive into the swimming pool and then lie on the beautiful loungers in the sunshine. The lavender roof caught Paul’s eye as our shed is missing a roof at the moment.

The best in show garden – the Daily Telegraph garden was stunning with its pillars and beautiful planting. The designer (Cleve West) was in the garden showing some friends around. The British Heart Foundation was startling with its bright red structures surrounded by green planting. And I loved the seaside garden designed for Cancer Research (my cousins husband helped build this garden and the B&Q garden).

We then visited the Urban gardens – small spaces with ideas that could be used in normal gardens. Here we met the TV cameras( and the accompanying crowds) filming Alan Titmarsh. All day we came across areas taped off with camera crews filming presenters or plants. I loved the garden designed to celebrate 650 years of magistracy and the Chilstone garden with its beautiful planting against turquoise carpeting.

Another visit to the pavilion where we met a lovely florist who told us all about the most amazing display of flowers weaved into branches of an old tree. He was a sweety and also told me that ‘I looked very sexy with no hair’ ! The display for ‘The Young Florist of the Year’ was fantastic – jackets using flowers. Wow!

By this time we were flowered out! We went and found a lovely spot in the sunshine to drink Pimms and recover. The weather made such a difference to the day as we were in sunshine for the whole day but it wasn’t too hot.

The Artisan gardens were next – beautiful little gardens tucked away at the far end of the show. I loved these – maybe because they felt the most like real gardens. The planting was stunning. I loved each one of them. The designers were all with their gardens and we chatted with most of them. Jihae Hwang the designer of the best in show artisan garden chatted with us and gave me ‘ a very special plant all the way from Korea’ – a type of Korean dandelion which she asked me to take special care of. Her garden includes a Korean toilet! The Literary garden was beautiful with poetry included on many of the structures in the garden.

Another visit to the Pavilion to try and cover those areas we hadn’t seen before – more floristry and the amazing Waitrose display which included flowers and fruit and vegetables in swathes of colour.

By this time we were exhausted and needed food. The seafood restaurant was perfect at the end of a very busy and packed day. The staff were attentive and the food was yummy.

We ended our visit with the stand selling metal creatures for the garden and we bought my lovely duck – named Chelsea Duck. A fitting memento of a truly amazing day.

Our journey home was uneventful and straightforward and we arrived home exhausted but very happy to watch the coverage on the BBC.

My apologies that this has been so long and probably has a mass of spelling and grammar mistakes but hopefully gives you a flavour of Chelsea. I would encourage everyone to go – it is amazing!

Sorry everyone we have had lots of trouble with the blog. I had a wonderful day yesterday. I will write about it tomorrow. I had a yucky time in dialysis today - dropped my blood pressure and was sick and then bled for 2 1/2 hours. Feeling quite battered now.

This time tomorrow we will be well on our way to Chelsea - all being well. I am really hoping it will be dry and sunny. Paul is charging the camera and i have deleted all unwanted photos. I am very excited about going and hoping that I do have enough energy to see all that we want to see and that i can see enough from a wheel chair. We have been watching th programmes on the television so we are well informed!

Yesterday I had coffee with a friend at a garden centre which was lovely. I love getting out and about!

Today dialysis with D.

I won't update tomorrow morning so don't worry - if I do it will mean something has gone very wrong!!! Hopefully I will update tomorrow evening - with photos.

Photo above is Papageno balancing on the archway in our garden wondering if he can get down! This photo our garden with water feature.

Off to physio this morning and then coffee with a friend. Looking quite over cast.

Yesterday I managed to plant my pots at last and did a bit of ironing - yippee!

Papageno had an adventurous weekend. He got locked in our neighbours shed on Saturday for a couple of hours. Eventually Paul could hear him miaowing and went to rescue him. Yesterday he climbed our archway and had a lot of difficulty climbing down! I will try to post some pictures later - he looked very cute. This morning he has been in my wool bag again and there is wool everywhere over the lounge! He loves wool and carries it around the house in his mouth.

Hope you all had good weekends.

I love my life. Even though this is not what I would choose I still love my life. I love new days with new possibilities. I am happy with the simple things and grateful for so much. This doesn't make me amazing or brave or inspiring or any of the other words people have said - it just makes me me surrounded by friends and family who love me and a God who is my friend. I am so privileged.

Yesterday - needling went very well. The nurse who is now needling me managed the top needle with almost no pain at all. I think this is what it is supposed to be like. My blood count is holding out very well despite the chemo. I did drop my blood pressure but this may be because I am eating more in dialysis. We are going to investigate this a bit to see if eating less means I don't drop my BP. Joy and Matt came to visit at the end of dialysis which was lovely.

Today a slow day - still hoping to plant my new plants when I have the energy.

Please be praying about the decision the Dr will make about how much chemo I have. I will see him on 31st May. I would love to stop after the next chemo but feel guilty that I feel like that and feel that I should have all 6. I don't want the cancer to come back and me think it was my fault for not having 6. But my body is worn out from all the treatment and would so like to stop! I was reminded on Friday by a friend that it isn't me that is in charge of that but God. I still haven't quite got that though, as I so often want to be in charge - in control of everything - the one calling the shots, making the decisions. Don't we all!

I am so excited about going to Chelsea on Wednesday - I so hope it lives up to my expectations. We have been reading the booklet and looking online. It is a bit like planning a holiday - which obviously I won't be doing this year. It's great that Paul is looking forward to it too. He is having three days off work this week which is really good as he has been very busy lately. He is going to focus on our new rock garden which will be really lovely - so we need some dry and sunny weather if possible.

Yesterday was a busy day and I was very tired by the evening. But it was lovely to see everybody and feel part of life again. It is so easy to feel that I live in an illness bubble when I am stuck at home. I am reading everything I can about Chelsea flower show to be ready for Wednesday - still hoping the weather will be lovely. I have my hat to wear for the sunshine! Perhaps need to get sun cream so I don't burn!

Today dialysis on my own - probably a film to watch and some internet surfing.

Hope you all have wonderful weekend plans.

Sorry for the late posting today - I had a disturbed night and then slept in. Ben had no exams today so we all slept later than usual. Luckily Ben was dressed to receive the shopping!!!

Yesterdays dialysis went very quickly - Kit and I planned my visit to Chelsea. Needling went well again - I think it might be getting better at last. I hardly have time to sing now and the needles are in - hurrah! They are arranging a date for my Tess line to come out and we have begun to discuss me learning to needle myself - wow! That will be wonderful when I can do that because I will be in control. Then learn to line my machine and I will be self sufficient. Think that will all take a little while, I still don't watch when they needle me so I think that might be the first step!

Today - coffee with a friend, ladies who lunch and bible study. A busy day. Then maybe if I have enough energy planting the plants I bought yesterday when Kitty and I went to the garden centre on our way to dialysis. It was lovely to be out doing other things on a dialysis day.

A lovely treat to return from dialysis to freshly picked strawberries from a friend - yummy.

New day new possibilities! Yesterday was a bit of a nothing day - I was SO tired. The tiredness from the chemo is now kicking in and I feel tired all the time. I am so looking forward to the chemo ending. I can see the end its just out of reach!

Today dialysis with Kit and hopefully a visit to the garden centre first. We need more compost for the sweet peas which are getting tangled in the little green house. Hopefully a visit from the district nurse first to flush my PICC line ( they forgot me yesterday)

I have been looking at all things Chelsea and can't wait. Really hope it doesn't rain. Outside and a wheelchair and rain don't mix really.

Papageno was not impressed by the rain yesterday - he asked to go out so we let him. He then came racing back in very wet and glaring at us. The last time he got so wet was when Paul soaked him with the garden hose. So I suppose he assumed the same had happened again! He is learning new tricks. Yesterday he picked up his tube of treats which we use to get him back in side and carried it in his mouth to me so I could give him one! He also carried his wool that he now plays with (not suitable for knitting any more) upstairs so that I could play with him. He is such good fun and I love him.

Happy its a non-dialysis day. Not sure what today will bring. I am still sitting in my bed all cosy at the moment! This time next week we will be on our way to the Chelsea Flower Show and I can't wait. It is something that I have on my to do list that i made when I was in the midst of the steroid induced paranoia. I am just hoping that I will have enough energy to cope. We are going by train and hiring a wheelchair from the show. So hopefully I will be able to cope with a whole day.

Yesterday's dialysis went well, 2 blunt needles, no drop in blood pressure and very little bleeding - all good. So good that we are now discussing taking out my Tess line soon. I am not looking forward to that as it was the worst experience having it put in - although they say it is much easier to take out. But it would be very good to not have it - it would make washing SO much easier.

Coffee this afternoon with a friend. Looking forward to seeing her.

I am plodding forward - nearly a week after chemo number 3. My new symptom this time is blurred vision - I feel like I need to keep cleaning my glasses but it makes no difference! Ho hum. I am reminding myself that chemo is a yucky drug for a reason - it kills cancer cells.

Yesterday was a lovely day. I managed to plant my 2 hanging baskets with help from Papageno who got his nose all dirty by putting it into the soil. I then went to Waitrose for lunch with a friend. It was so lovely to catch up with her news.

Today dialysis with D.

Off to physio this morning so a quick post. Feeling so much better than Friday although I am exhausted. I am hoping today to plant hanging baskets and my sweet peas and do a bit of tidying. I love Mondays - no dialysis.

We had a lovely day yesterday - church and the challenge - Not to worry. Really struck by the fact that we can't add a single hour to our lives by worrying! The time spent worrying is such a waste. Then lunch with friends which was great.

I have been thinking a lot about a line from our bookclub book - 'I just want time to do my one life well'. That is all I need the time to do this one chance at life well. This means that I must make the most of each moment because it will never come again. I must appreciate each moment and savour it knowing I have done the best with it. How easy it is to waste moments.

What are you doing with your moments?

Feeling much better today - thankfully. Still a bit achy but so much better than Friday. Today church followed by lunch at a friends house. Chloe and Ben are revising at home.

Yesterday I dropped my BP in dialysis again. Not sure what is going on or what is causing it. The nurses think it is because they are taking too much fluid - but they are hardly taking any in the first place. However I didn't bleed for long so that was very good. I really enjoyed The Kings Speech - what a lovely film. Such courage on the Kings part to keep going.

Papageno has really taken to tree climbing - I have stopped watching - its too frightening.

Lovely to know that my girlie is home sleeping in the next room. She is going to revise today while I go to dialysis but at least she will be here to spend the evening with. I plan to watch The Kings Speech which I am really looking forward to seeing after everyone loved it. Hope it doesn't make me cry in dialysis!

I am feeling much better today - still achy but not so bad. The exhaustion is so weird as you wake and feel like you have had no sleep. My body feels like it can't function because it is so tired. Thankfully I know it will get better.

While I have been writing this Paul has arrived to tell me that Papageno has climbed a tree. The biggest tree in our neighbourhood - and we can see him high up in its branches balancing precariously. Very frightening - although he doesn't seem in the least bit scared. Paul has gone out and called him and he has come down. Hurrah! He had gone after a bird. ho hum! He is such a brave kitten - or maybe a foolhardy one! I haven't seen any of our neighbourhood cats in this tree before - only ours!!!! I like it best when he is in our house or garden - safe.

Hope you all have happy Saturdays planned.

Not at all sure what has happened to my blog today. I have been unable to blog and I have lost yesterdays comments. mmmm must be to do with 'blogger'.

Yesterdays dialysis went well. 2 blunt needles and not much bleeding - thankfully. I also had a different nurse needling me. I also had a lovely morning having coffee at a friends house who has a birds nest with a camera. I was able to watch Mummy and Daddy blue tits feeding their 5 babies. It was so lovely seeing their wide open mouths as they waited to feed. The chicks are just beginning to explore their nest so were wondering around so we had a great view of them. I loved their hairstyles!

Today I have been yuck. I was awake a lot in the night and feel like I have been punched all over. The joy of chemo! I am exhausted - it certainly wipes me out. I was unable to host bible study - sorry ladies. It is amazing though that that is the first time I think I have had to cancel in this year.

Chloe is on her way home for the weekend - she is bringing home revision. I am looking forward to hearing about her last 2 weeks. I think she has seen some interesting surgery. She is really enjoying surgery - which is a surprise.

Josh and Debz have found a flat to live in when they are married. It looks lovely from the pictures I have seen. I will look forward to actually seeing it when we go to Brighton. It is a little bit out of the centre but very accessible and unfurnished so they can begin to collect furniture.

Ben has finished school and is now revising for exams. I can't believe that my baby could leave school if he wished and get a job. It seems only a breath away I was giving birth to him. He is our gift and I am so glad to have him as part of our lives.

Tomorrow dialysis and 'The Kings Speech' Should have popcorn so that I can imagine I am in the cinema.

Chemo number 3 - tick. I had to wait until after 1 for the chemo to arrive - ho hum! But at least it is now done. I had a 10% reduction in the dose to reduce the side effects. I maybe half way through or 3/4 through depending on what happens with this dose. But it is done.

We went to the garden centre on the way home and got plants for our hanging baskets. Hopefully I will plant them up at the weekend - if I have enough energy. I also had a very nice cup of coffee.

Today I am going to have coffee with G and see her chicks before dialysis. I am looking forward to that. I am hoping that dialysis is more straightforward this time and NO bleeding.

This time last year I was settling back into work and my life had returned to a new normal. I was taking methotrexate for the mixed connective tissue disease and it was controlling it. I could never have guessed what was around the corner when I went to see the GP. I could never have seen what the year would bring. I am a different person because of this year and my family is a different family because of it. Our lives have been forever changed - some is for the better I am sure. I am hoping we all allow this time to change us for the better.

Joy and Matt popped in last night and brought me the most beautiful butterfly candle. I love it. We also sat and watched the sunset from my bedroom window. God's beautiful world just outside. I don't need to travel miles to see beauty - it is all around me. Mostly reflected in my friends and familys love and care.

Ho Hum - it was all going so well yesterday - dialysis had gone well 2 blunt needles and then just getting ready to come off and my blood pressure dropped very very low. I had to be given quite a lot of fluid before I felt well again. Thankfully Paul had been to Oncology to tell Dr C that I would still be in dialysis when he had finished the clinic so he came to find me. We chatted about the side affects and blood results and then I mentioned my numb fingers and how it is creeping further up my hands and he sighed and said ok that changes things. We now have to make some choices in order to prevent for ever damage to my hands and feet. He has decided to reduce the dose of chemo that I will have today - as it will have already been made up this will involve the nurses stopping the drip when I have had about 3/4 of the dose. If the numbness continues to creep even with a lower dose we will have to stop after the next lot of chemo. Not sure how I feel about that as my wedding head says yes lets stop after 4 but my sensible head says no lets continue for 6 to make sure we kill every little tiny cancer cell that might be left in my body. We shall see what happens.

I then decided that I would bleed everywhere - covering the poor nurse. And I continued to bleed for nearly 2 hours. What that means is that I don't actually squirt blood for 2 hours but I have a nurse pressing on my arm to try and stop the bleeding and then every so often they check to see if the bleeding has stopped. If it hasn't the fistula pumps blood into the air - making a big mess. So we again resorted to seaweed which seemed to work and I was eventually able to go home, collecting chicken and chips from the chip shop on the way.

Today - chemo all being well. Then maybe a visit to the garden centre on the way home if I feel ok.

Thank you everyone for continuing to read this blog despite the boring nature of it. I am aware that my life and therefore this blog revolves around illness. Illness is never far away in my thoughts and dominates all I do or can't do. Yesterday felt like a glimpse of normality which is usually far away. I really enjoyed my day and fitted in quite a lot of things. I have been discouraged to read that it takes about a year to recover from chemo and for your body to return to normal. But yesterday - in the midst of chemo I did feel like normal life (or my new normal ) was going to be possible. Maybe in the future there will be days when I don't think about being ill and when I can have a more normal life.

Today dialysis with D, blood tests and a visit with oncologist. Hope all is well for chemo tomorrow - number 3 - half way.

The picture is of me with Papageno in our garden on Sunday.

Sorry for the late post I have had a lovely busy day. I started it early with a visit to the physio. This was followed by a bit of ironing with my new iron and then shopping and coffee with a friend R. Lunch and then a quick sleep before coffee with another friend R. It has been a lovely day and makes me so wish for chemo to end so that I can have more days like this.

Yesterday I had a lovely time at Saville Gardens - it was really beautiful full of colour. We are so lucky to live in such a beautiful country.

Tomorrow I have dialysis and appointment with oncologist before chemo number 3 on Wednesday

After describing my dreams yesterday i had a very vivid dream last night about the hairdressers. I had gone to a new hairdressers and was describing how I wanted my hair cut and she was writing notes. She was saying that as my hair was so thick I would need extra time etc... It wasn't until the end of the dream that i noticed that I was sitting there with no hair. It was then that I woke up! (for those that don't know me well I don't like going to the hairdressers and I hate having my hair cut)

Yesterday was ok 1 sharp 1 blunt needle at dialysis and quite a lot of pain. I was also quite grumpy in the evening - poor Paul. Thank goodness for new days. I am not looking forward to more chemo - it is so hard to be patient and trust.

Today church and Saville gardens - hoping it stays dry.

Papageno is experiencing his first rain since he started going outside. He is confused - his little face looking up at Paul asking why someone has made our patio all wet! He is not keen on getting his paws wet. He also didn't like the thunder - he is very frightened of strange noises. Yesterday it was the shredder! He has now come in - obviously not impressed with rain. I bet the gardens are happy with the rain though.

It was lovely to have bible study yesterday although a few ladies were missing. It is good to catch up with everyones news.

My dreams recently have been very vivid and like a scrambled mess of people and places - I am thinking this might be a side effect of the chemo. When I wake I can sort of remember that my dream was about certain things but not the detail which is quite disconcerting. My fingers are also quite numb which makes writing or even typing on the computer quite tricky. And my feet are now numb all over which feels very strange when you walk. What strange side effects this drug has.

Today dialysis on my own - I have the last of the dvds I bought recently to watch. Tomorrow we are hoping to go and see the azaleas at Saville Gardens.

At last 2 blunt needles in dialysis - maybe we are getting there after 3 1/2 months. The nurses told me it would take about 2 weeks! Dialysis went quickly yesterday with Kit as we discussed life and weddings!

Today ladies who lunch and bible study - I have missed our Fridays.

My head is feeling quite odd as although my head is shaved there are a few areas which are still growing and feel prickly. I think I may need to shave those bits as it will look very peculiar with little patches of growth. A bit Gollum like from Lord of the Rings!!!!! Not a good look. I am feeling so much better and wishing I didn't need any more chemo - ho hum! Only 4 more to go still sounds a long way to go. Next chemo next Wednesday and then I will be half way. Wish you could take tablets to counteract the tiredness. However I am so grateful that it doesn't make me sick and that my taste buds have stayed ok. I am putting on weight still which is great - although mustn't put on too much or I won't fit in my dress for the wedding!!!!

New day, new possibilities! I had a good day yesterday and felt almost normal. I spent the morning tidying my desk - yes you heard me correctly a whole morning. It was so good to be able to manage such a long time being busy and not become too exhausted. Having said that I then slept for 2 hours in the afternoon and then most of the night! My desk is almost clear and looks very good.

Today I am hoping to visit the farmers market with Kitty before going to dialysis. Looking forward to nice flan for tea if they have them. Hurrah for shopping!

Another sunny start to the day. The weather has been so lovely recently - like a present. I love spring time. Today I am hoping to tackle my desk which is covered in paper that needs sorting - how does that happen?!!! Yesterday I managed to tidy Ben's room a bit which felt really good. I am feeling much better after the transfusion and as the chemo leaves my body - hurrah. A whole week until I have the next chemo which is great.

Yesterdays needling went ok 1sharp needle and 1 blunt so we are getting there - maybe. There is talk of removing my Tess line if my fistula continues to stay ok. We shall see!

Early start to the day with physio at 8am. I do like going to physio as it always makes me feel so much better stretching the muscles in my shoulder and back. I wish i could have it daily!

Yesterday was a pootling day with not much achieved although I did manage to cook tea for Ben and I. Chloe left at tea time and I miss her.

I am feeling so much better with the blood. I have managed to have a bit of a clear up in Ben's room which feels very good. Dialysis with D today.

We had a really lovely day yesterday with Joy, Matt and Talia. The food at the restaurant was really lovely and enjoyed by all. We also had great service and very cheerful waiters. We filled the day with chatting it was great. Before going I managed a bit of tidying and some knitting in the evening - so a very productive day.

Today Chloe is off out with Joy to buy shoes for the wedding and Paul is off to London for the opera. It is hard not to feel jealous that they are able to be going out to do lovely things. But hey ho I need to make the best of my day here. Maybe a bit more tidying and some more knitting. Maybe some time in the garden - I need to plan my pots.

Woke this morning feeling much better and so grateful to whoever gave their blood. I had 2 units yesterday after 10 phone calls! It is a bank holiday I was told and there are no Drs who can authorise the blood transfusion! Eventually my patient nurse managed to get a Dr to say yes. I am feeling much better for it today. The needling went well after a little blip and we used 2 needles. I didn't drop my BP too much and I didn't bleed too much - hurrah!

After a slow start to the day we are going out to lunch with Joy, Matt and Talia to celebrate the boys birthdays. Thankfully with more energy I will enjoy it.

Just 2 more days with my girlie - ho hum. I so love having her home. We had a lovely visit to the new stitchery shop yesterday and bought lots of bits and pieces for projects mainly for her but a bit for me. It was fun to be out and about. I am really struggling again with not being able to do things - I can't wait to have a normal (or as normal as is possible) life again. It has been such a long time since I was able to go for a walk, do my ironing, shop for a weekly shop, hoover my house, change my bed linen, make a cake, etc....... Please don't take your lives forgranted, appreciate all that you can do even that which seems mundane. You never know what is around the corner. It is nearly a year now since I was diagnosed and my life was turned upside down - I can't quite believe what this year has held. I am so grateful for all of you who have supported us and held us in your thoughts and prayers. Without you this would have been a very lonely journey. I am sorry it has been so long.