For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be. Psalm 139

I am so grateful that God is in charge of my days. He has numbered them and they are in his hands. I don't need to be anxious or frightened.

Snow - mmmmm. Hopefully it will be clearer by the time I need to go to dialysis. It is a concern that we get snowed in as I can't miss many dialysis sessions without become very ill. Please can you pray that we don't get snowed in.

My hospital visit went well yesterday although I do have an area of my scar which is oozing. Hopefully this will clear up by itself and won't need stitching. I have my follow up appointment tomorrow at 10.00 and will get the pathology results and the surgeon will check everything is healing correctly.

We are waiting for a phone call from the cat protection who have checked our house and now will let us know when we can visit some kittens to chose one. Hurrah! We are all set up for a kitten and very excited to be having a new member of our family.

Yesterday was wonderful. Everything seemed to go very well. The food was yummy and the company great. Everyone got on well and the house was full of chatting and lego making! By the end of the day I was a tired but happy bunny!

Today the house feels very quiet. Thankfully only 3 weeks and everyone will be home again for Christmas. Hurrah!

I am off to the hospital this morning to get my wound checked. It is a bit oozy. This involves leaving at 8 for a 9.00 clinic. Ho hum!

Lovely day yesterday filled with laughter. We had a wonderful thanksgiving meal.

Today brings engagement party. Not sure how we are all going to fit in our house! It will be cosy. I am looking forward to spending time with Debz's family and sharing the excitement we feel about the wedding.

I am off to start the cooking hopefully with the rest of the household soon!

Our busy weekend has begun. Josh and Chloe arrived home last night. Debz and Dan arrive today. We shall have a full house - lovely. I love the noise and the chaos that happens when everyone is here.

Dialysis with Josh, Debz and Chloe - lovely. We will probably get into trouble for making too much noise!

Then home for a turkey supper - thanksgiving for all that we have. Josh, Chloe, Debz and Dan then out for a celebration with friends.

19 for lunch tomorrow - yippee!

What a beautiful morning - although I am very grateful to be looking at it from my warm bed!

I am gearing up for a busy weekend, hoping I will have enough energy to enjoy it. Chloe and Josh come home this evening. Tomorrow we will be joined by one of Josh's friends who I am looking forward to meeting. We will be trying to get the house into some sort of order before Sunday when there will be 19 of us for lunch to celebrate Josh and Debz engagement whilst also having dialysis. mmmmmm I am looking forward to the weekend greatly.

Today I am seeing a friend for coffee and hoping to direct some cooking!!!

The healing of my surgery continues nicely. I managed to sleep slightly on my side last night - much more comfortable.

We continue with the thanksgiving theme as it is Thanksgiving in America today. At the weekend I will have my family with me so we have bought a turkey to celebrate. I am so grateful for the way the children have dealt with all this, standing alongside us as we travel this journey. It hasn't been easy and I am aware it has shaped their lives significantly. But I am so proud of them.

Yesterday was a bit of a non day. I was very frustrated that I am not better. But when I read others experience of mastectomies I realised that I am doing very well. It is just hard to start getting better after chemo and then be back to feeling sick again and not having the energy to do what I want to do. I am in a better place today.

I saw a friend yesterday from school and it was lovely to hear news from there. I am missing school and looking forward to being able to go back. I am hoping to go in to visit next week.

Happy Thanksgiving to all

Beautiful scene outside my bedroom window of the early morning light and the moon. I so appreciate the world we live in and the time to observe it. Life is wonderful.

Yesterdays dialysis went well. I managed to earn some money while lying there! I filled in a questionnaire about drug packaging which was great fun and filled in some of the time.

I am so wanting to be well and feeling impatient this morning that I don't have more energy to get on with things. However I continue to be amazed at the lack of pain and so thankful. It aches and I have twinges but it is fine.

There is just a bit of sunshine peeping through the clouds as I look out of the window. I continue to look for joy in each day. How precious our days are - we shouldn't take them forgranted.

Yesterdays hospital appointment went well. My breast care nurse is pleased with the progress I am making. I have good movement in my arm so far and the wound is healing nicely. Sleeping is still a bit tricky as it is hard to get comfy but it is improving slowly.

We went to Pets at home and Tescos after our hospital visit. I think that was a little too adventurous as I was sick as soon as I reached the car. That seems to be a sign from my body to stop!

We were so excited to be going to choose the kitten last night but unfortunately we had a phone call to say that the kittens had cat flu. Ho hum! So we are now on the hunt for kittens.

If any ladies are going into Reading this week could you let me know as I am in need of something.

Dialysis with D today.

This week is thanksgiving and I am thankful for so many things. I thought I would make a list. Maybe you might like to think of all you are grateful for this week.

• The God who holds my hand through thick and thin
• my wonderful family
• my fantastic friends
• my church
• my cosy home
• my work - so supportive
• the dialysis nurses who make me feel so welcome
• the surgeon who did such a good job
• the nurses on the ward who looked after me so well
• my oncologist
• my rheumatologist
• warm blankets
• Autumn leaves and sunshine
• my Kindle
• my nest!
• twinkly lights
• my card wall
• butterflies which surround me
• my hats
• my hair returning
• my PJs
• my bed
• books and book clubs
• bible study group
• housegroup
• yummy cakes made by friends
• Chinese chequers
• coffee in the morning

There are so many things which make my life a happy place. I am truly thankful.

Today brings lots of excitement. We are going to look at a kitten who may come and live with us. More about that tomorrow - all being well. I am also off to the hospital to have the wound checked. It is feeling ok. Not too sore at all and I am getting more movement each day. I am looking forward to being able to sleep on that side again. Hopefully they will refer me to the physio next week so that they can sort out my scapula which pops out when I move my arms. It doesn't hurt but I am thinking it might after a while.

I am making plans for next Sunday when we are having an engagement lunch for Josh and Debz. Hopefully I will have enough energy to enjoy it.

I hope your week is full of thanksgiving.

I am very happy to be home sitting in my bed and writing to you all. I am not in any pain which is wonderful. Just aching a bit. I am a beautiful colour purple all down my side which matches my pjs!

In dialysis yesterday I managed to drop my blood pressure so was a bit poorly for a while. Thankfully it passes quickly once they give you back fluid. It was good to be back on my normal dialysis days and to see familiar faces again. I had missed them.

Today I will be taking everything slowly and enjoying being home. Tomorrow I have to go back to RBH to get the wound checked and possibly to have fluid drained. It is good to have my girlie with me.

Well here I am sitting in my nest at home feeling very happy. I have had a successful time in hospital. Everything went very smoothly apart from a little hiccup with a nerve. I was first on the list on Thursday and went to sleep while chatting with the very friendly anaesthetist. I woke to a lovely Christian nurse who I had spent some time with a couple of weeks ago. I quickly woke up and was sent back to the ward. I have had very little pain and my arm movement is already good. I have been on a ward with lovely chatty people who have made the adventure so much easier. The staff have been very supportive and cared for me so nicely. I am glad that I can now tick this box.

I am looking forward to sleeping in my own bed tonight as sleep was rare over the last 2 nights.

Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts and prayers

Paul here again. Anne is well, bruises starting to appear now, but should be home this evening after dialysis, provided she has stopped "leaking" (I'm sure theres a more technical term, but she has 2 tubes to take away excess fluid from around the cut). The surgeon caught a nerve during the operation, which will affect her scapula, and require physiotherapy. Kit and Chloe spent the afternoon with her yesterday, and are coming back today.

UPDATE: Anne has been told she can come home today. "Drains" to be removed this morning.

Paul writing: Anne went into theatre at 8:30 this morning, and texted a few minutes ago, saying that she was awake, "bit sore but fine." Thanks for many messages and prayers.

I am sitting writing this in dialysis. I have come in on the early shift - very different bunch of people. They are much more chatty and awake. I was also given breakfast so have had cornflakes to start my day today.

I am hoping to see a friend this afternoon all being well. Then packing my bag ready for tomorrow.

I had a lovely evening with the girlies at the first church book club. It was lovely to be out in the evening. I felt a bit like a naughty child who has escaped from home!!! I even had a tiny glass of wine with my cheese - yummy.

I probably won't have time to post tomorrow morning but will ask Paul to post in the evening. I am going in at 7.30 and hoping to be first on the list.

Woke this morning feeling slightly anxious about Thursday. So many things seem to have gone wrong over the last year. Gave myself a talking to and chatted with Paul and now back to a trusting position. All things in His hands.

Yesterdays dialysis went well. C took me and stayed and we chatted. Also a lovely friend arrived unexpectedly. It was so great to see him and catch up on all his news. The blood transfusion went without a hitch and I left the unit looking decidedly pinker!

The nurses have been commenting on how lucky I am to have so many friends. It was strange to go to dialysis on a different day and see the other half of dialysis who go Mon, Wed, Fri. There was a very young chap there which reminded me how awful it is to be young and need dialysis.

Today brings friends, tidying and church book club this evening all being well. I am really looking forward to going out in the evening.

As I write I am being serenaded by my boy playing the piano - lovely start to the day.

I am thinking about so many things this morning. I wanted to say a huge thank you to you all for being on this journey with me. This is a quote from The Four Loves, by C.S. Lewis. “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.” I so appreciate the fact that you still walk this path with me despite the length of time and the many gifts of time that you give to me. Also the cakes, biscuits, flowers and butterflies that make our lives so wonderful. Thank you!

My news for today is that my hair has started to grow. It is tiny, tiny tufts but it is there. Yippee! I am hoping it will come back auburn not grey! However much I have disliked being a red head over the years it is still who I am. The patients in dialysis have never seen me with hair - how strange is that!

Yesterday I went to church. So lovely to see everyone. J preached a great sermon. It reminded me how much I am loved by the creator of the world. So loved that He gave his only son for me.

I am feeling that this blog is becoming a food diary! It shows how important food is! I do think about food quite a lot! Still looking forward to easting normally but getting there slowly. Yesterday we had roast gammon and I made a rhubarb crumble which was yummy.

Today brings dialysis with C and a blood transfusion. Thursday draws ever closer. My bag is nearly packed - new jamas and knickers! Better than last time when I had nothing at all with me. Hopefully I won't be in very long.

I hope you all have happy Mondays.

Good dialysis yesterday with Paul. He managed to sit for most of the time! Joy popped in for the last hour which was lovely. I read a lovely cookery book. The time passed quickly.

Today - church and roast gammon for lunch. All being well.

This is my 194 th post - wow. So much writing about a very boring life!

Lovely day yesterday with the girlies. Cooked a yummy sausage casserole from Jamie's 30 minute menus. T took some skirts to alter so they don't fall off me! Then a lovely chat with Debz and Josh about the wedding. We have a date 9th July in Brighton where they live and go to church. So excited! It is the thing I will think about as I go to sleep during operation next week.

Today Paul is coming to dialysis with me. He rarely comes as you all help so much. He will bring his laptop and do some work and I will watch little house on the prairie.

Its Friday again - how did that happen? Even though I am at home a lot the weeks seem to be going by very quickly. I will be glad when it is next Friday though as I will then be recovering and ticking that box!

Yesterdays dialysis went by so quickly. R came and we chatted and put the world to rights. We played a quick game of Chinese chequers R beat me. I haven't managed to beat her yet (she taught Chloe and I how to play). Then T came and met me and brought me home. We so appreciate everyone who gives up their time to give me lifts as it makes Paul's life so much easier.

I had a trip to Wokingham Library yesterday, before dialysis, which was lovely. It is good to get out before dialysis otherwise it feels like that is all I do on dialysis days. I came back with lots of books to look at - yummy.

Today is lunch and bible study. Looking forward to seeing the lovely ladies. We continue to study about the church which has challenged us all to think about what is church. It has been an interesting study.

Theresa is coming early to have a look at my skirts and see if she can fix them so that they don't fall down around my ankles when I wear them!!!

Have a happy Friday

Yesterday I made beef casserole ( managed to fill the house with smoke) with dumplings ; served it and ate it! Yippee- it was yummy. Food is beginning to taste much better almost like it should. I just need to have a bigger stomach to fit food in as I quickly become full.

Woke this morning to a singing boy - a lovely sound.

Today brings dialysis with 2 friends, one to take me and the other to meet me later and a game of Chinese chequers.

1 week until surgery. I will be glad to have it done.

So grey day followed by sunshine! It looks like a beautiful morning.

I have a plan now for next week. I am going to have dialysis on Monday with C (and a blood transfusion), Tuesday seeing a friend and book club in the evening, Wednesday dialysis with D, Thursday surgery, Friday recovery, Saturday dialysis and all being well home. I am to have a red arm band to remind them to protect my fistula. I will be glad when it is Saturday and I am home and I can then tick that box!

Today - quiet day. Some sewing, cooking, tidying.............

What a wet, grey day! I need to remind myself about my previous post about grey days!

Yesterday I managed to tidy my desk and found my cards in a safe place! That is about all I achieved. I continue to struggle with energy levels as my blood drops again. It is feeling like a long haul now. I just want to be better - knowing that the operation will knock me back a bit. I want to return to work and my life return to normal. I am ok really just frustrated.

Today I have dialysis with D. I am sure we will discuss weddings and clothes and hats etc....

Thank you to everyone who has sent congratulations to Josh and Debz. We are all very excited and delighted for them both. On this wet, windy day it is lovely to think about a summer wedding.

Yesterday was a bit of a nothing day as I was so tired. It is frustrating not to be able to do more. Still impatient that I can't do more. My blood is dropping again so I am getting more exhausted quicker. Ho hum!

Hoping to tackle my desk today as it is such a mess. We have a variety of dumping grounds and that is one of them. Over the months it has become piled high! I have also lost the Christmas cards I bought early - mm shows it isn't always good to be organised. Hoping they are in the pile! The Christmas shopping is coming on well - hoping to get most of it done this week so that I have finished except for the childrens by the time I go into hospital.

I am almost completely hairless now - just a couple of eyebrows left. Luckily being fair it isn't too noticeable.

Hope you all have good weeks.

I am exhausted after a few busy days. So today a quiet day at home - chillin! Josh is ringing later to discuss details - wow! It is lovely to have something so exciting to look forward to. I am hoping to have hair by next summer!

Lovely time with my brother yesterday. It is wonderful to have time to sit and chat with few distractions. The girls were full of news which was great. They had hardly got in the door before telling us all about their new kittens, birthday parties and school. I love their chatter. Lila read to me for the first time and she read beautifully.

Lovely evening as well - we were greeted by twinkling lights when we came back from dialysis. Paul had bought some lovely lights for our lounge- all sparkling. We then watched strictly with candles and sparkly lights and chilli I had cooked earlier- perfect.

I am SO excited - my boy has got engaged to his lovely girlfriend Debz. He proposed last night at the fireworks. I am going to be a mother-in-law! I can't quite get my head around the fact that I have a son old enough to be married. Wow! How lovely to have a wedding to look forward to.

A busy but lovely day yesterday. I went shopping to M&S and had coffee out. Then lunch with the ladies and bible study in the afternoon and my girlie came home. I also managed to cook tea with Chloe. Just a normal day for most people but for me a great achievement!

Today - much celebrating! my brother is coming with his girls for coffee and then Joy is picking up the girls and Mark is taking Chloe and I to dialysis. Great to have lots of time to talk.

I am looking forward to a busy day today. Shopping with a friend this morning, ladies who lunch coming at lunch time and bible study this afternoon and then Chloe girl home for the weekend. Hopefully a bit of tidying before the ladies arrive. I have moments now when I surprise myself by feeling like me! Well a bald me!

Lovely time with G chatting in dialysis yesterday. It is amazing how much quicker the time goes with friends.

I made tea yesterday - yippee! It is the first meal I have cooked for ages. There was much rejoicing! I also went to Tescos in the morning - admittedly I did spend most of the time in the coffee shop but I did do a little shopping. It is so good doing normal things. I also saw 2 lovely friends yesterday and caught up on their news.

I have been reading in a blog about the reason for grey and it has made me think how important it is to have grey days so that we appreciate colour more. My grey days have made me so grateful for the sunny days like yesterday. Who would have thought I would be so happy to make chicken casserole. I will be even happier when the chicken casserole tastes like chicken casserole!

So today brings dialysis and a friend and maybe a bit more of little house on the prairie.

Hope your day is filled with colour .

Yesterday went well. I had a busy afternoon which began with a nurse on a leadership course spending time with me finding out what dialysis is like for the patient. She was a lovely lady and we chatted away. She is a Christian and we covered so many different topics as we chatted. Then a friend popped in on her way home from a hospital visit. Lastly the breast care nurse came to discuss all things mastectomy. She was so helpful and covered all my questions in a mater of fact manner. I will be in hospital for 2 nights all being well. My dialysis will be changed to Monday and Wednesday that week. I will then have surgery on the Thursday and dialysis on the Saturday before going home. She showed me the prosthesis I will wear after surgery and we discussed bras, exercise etc..... Very helpful. The radiotherapy won't start until after Christmas which is great. It will then be 3 times a week for 4 weeks - and then maybe I will be finished and can get well. I am looking forward to that.

Today brings friends and maybe a bit more tidying.

I did it! I managed to change the duvet cover and sheets on my bed yesterday. I needed a lie down afterwards but I managed. Much rejoicing!!!! I also found Ben's floor under the pile of clothes. It is amazing to think of all I have taken so forgranted in the past and hopefully won't take forgranted in the future. I am really looking forward to cooking again soon. I even dreamt of making scones last night!

Today I am hoping to meet the breast care nurse and discuss the operation and care afterwards. I am feeling fine about it and will be glad when it is done so I can get on with getting well again.

I am looking forward to the weekend as my brother and his girls are coming and Chloe is coming home.

Dialysis today with D. Looking forward to chatting.

Feeling much better today and beginning to feel like the chemo is working its way out of my body.

I had a lovely day yesterday - church with Kit, Paul and Josh. Then lunch at a local pub where our lunch took an hour to arrive and then when it did mine was cold. After complaining a new lunch was brought and our bill cancelled - impressive. I have never sent food back in a restaurant before but cold food is yuck even when it is a child portion!

Today is a pootling day hoping I might have enough energy for a spot of tidying after the weekend. I am hoping that this week I will have more energy for normal mummy stuff. Seeing the Breast care nurse tomorrow - hopefully - to discuss all things mastectomy wise.

Paul is off to London today to see a ballet rehearsal. Wish I was going with him. - Soon hopefully.