Thankfully I am now on the mend and I am vaccinated against flu and 23 strains of pneumococcal infections. I had quite a reaction to one or other or both. The flu jab is annual but the other is a once only vaccination. I continue on my blood pressure tablet journey - no further along, still in a foggy place! 

I have been reading with interest and concern the on going debate about breast screening. There have been many recent newspaper pieces written about breast cancer during October as it is Breast Awareness Month.   The most concerning is the one found here http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-20121043 It is suggesting that there are  too many women being treated for breast cancer unnecessarily following screening. My concerns are that it could put women off going for screening or even worse refusing treatment for breast cancer. It seems that there are some types of cancers which do not need the aggressive forms of treatment that breast cancer is treated with at the moment. the problem is that the Drs do not yet know which cancers they are. So a women could refuse breast screening which would detect a tumour and go on to develop secondaries and die because she has read this report. Until more is known about which cancers can be left this sort of reporting should not happen. Half information does not empower women it just confuses them. Please encourage women you know to be screened - without the mammogram I would have died - my cancer couldn't be felt and it had already spread to my lymph nodes.  Also please encourage your young girls to be breast aware - to know what is normal for them so that if something changes they will know. Breast cancer treatment is yuck - but it saves lives. 

Tomorrow I am going to London with Joy to see Top Hat - can't wait to see Tom Chambers tap dancing, lovely. 

Saturday was wonderful - although a full on day. Great to see all my family and catch up - especially lovely to see all of our children interacting together despite the age differences. Amazing how children of all ages love the park! 
Since then I have been quite poorly AGAIN - I think it is a reaction to the pneumococcal vaccination which I had at the same time as my flu one on Saturday. I have had a very sore arm(they had to give both jabs in same arm) and a high temperature and now my kidneys are hurting again. Ho hum! I am sure you are as fed up with reading about my aches and pains as I am to be writing about them. So it's yet another day in bed to recover. Maybe get some sewing done if my arm will let me and lots of drinking for my kidneys. 

It's nice having my boys on holiday. Paul is loving the Ring Cycle at The Royal Opera House. Ben is enjoying sleeping! 

Today Paul and Ben start their holidays. Paul has the week off to go and see the Ring Cycle at Covent Garden. He has been waiting for this for years and is very excited to see it again. There are 4 operas and each one is 4 hours long. They are spread out over the week - so that you have recovery days! They also have very long breaks - so that you can have a meal in the middle. Ben is recovering from a busy first half-term. He is going to paint the bath room next week - wonderful. It's great having my own painter and decorator! 

My day is busy - getting on with cooking for tomorrow, flowers bible study and a Drs appointment. It is all go! I am not liking the change in temperature. 

Today is my 1 year anniversary since stopping dialysis. What a year it has been! I have done so many lovely things (see my recent post) and I think I have made the days count. I don't think a day goes by when I am not grateful for not having to do dialysis. On Tuesday my friend D picked me up in her car and we both reflected on the times she had picked me up for dialysis. I am so grateful.

 Today preparing for the get together we are having on Saturday - some tidying and cooking. Tomorrow is a busy day with flowers, biblestudy and a drs appointment. Saturday an early start with a flu jab and a pneumonia one before cooking lunch for 18! Not something I could have done with dialysis on Saturdays! I will be glad to have my flu jab as there has been talk of people having flu already. My poor kidneys would really struggle with flu!
I hope you all have wonderful weekend plans.

 

The photos attached to this blog are from a walk I did back from shopping the other day and a visit to Dinton for a damp and muddy walk. The colours of autumn were stunning even though it was overcast and foggy.

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In every change, He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend

Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake

To guide the future, as He has the past.

Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;

All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know

His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,

And all is darkened in the vale of tears,

Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,

Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.

Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay

From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on

When we shall be forever with the Lord.

When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,

Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.

Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past

All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise

On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;

Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,

So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.

Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine

Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

Yesterday on Songs of Praise I heard Alfie Boe singing this song and the words struck a chord with me. 'Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.....', 'leave to thy God to order and provide' I am struggling to leave all this to God to order but being impatient I  tell him what should happen. How much more I could achieve if only I was completely well again. It's all about me! I forget that this is his plan - this is his path. I am where he wants me to be. Why do I still need to hear those words - you would think I had got it by now! So today I will try to be patient, try to trust and accept this is where I am supposed to be. 

Woke this morning with yet another headache - feeling quite sorry for myself again. However my throat is much better. I am so not good with pain. It is debilitating. So in bed again waiting for it to get better. I am not sure how I managed months and months of doing very little before - just 3 days and I have had enough now. I am impatient to be well and get on with life. Hopefully a change in tablets will sort out the headaches. 

So this weekend has not included our proposed visit to Windsor Castle we have had to postpone that. But I have finished some knitting and started a new project, finished my book club book and nearly finished the fiction book I am reading - thank goodness for my kindle. 

I am including some pictures of the flowers we did for our harvest themed flower arranging last week. It was fun working with such beautiful colours.

 Hopefully this week will include, coffee with friends, shopping, sorting with another friend, tutoring, flower arranging and a lot of cooking for next Saturday when we are having a family get together at our house  - there will be about 16-18 of us. It is getting harder and harder to all be together with all the children having busy lives. It is also an ever expanding group as the children have partners too. I am thinking we may not be able to sit around tables but have to have a buffet and eat off laps. 

 I don't think we will manage to all be together at Christmas time - although you never know. It is lovely that we all want to be together even if it is a struggle to manage it. 

Look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time. Then your time on earth will be filled with glory.

Betty Smith

This week I have heard news of a birth and a death. One of my friends has become a Grandmother with the safe and joyous birth of her Granddaughter. Other friends are mourning the loss of their young daughter-in-law.  How precious is our life and how must we make our days count because we don't know what lies around the corner. These act as reminders that we must grasp each day and make the most of it. Hold tight to our loved ones and make sure we tell them that we love them. Keep short accounts with people - don't allow quarrels to damage or hurt our relationships - say sorry often. Both these families know and trust God with their lives - sometimes it is so very hard to understand his plans. Sometimes we have to cling on by our finger tips trusting that he is in charge even though we can't see the whys. My prayers are with both families. 

I am starting to feel better - hurrah! My visit to the GP has left lots of questions. So now I have to be in touch with the renal team to find answers.Hopefully soon we will have a fully working plan! 

Today another quiet day recovering, some more knitting and watching DVDs and reading. Hopefully tomorrow I will be  well on the road to recovery. 

Chloe and Ed are spending the weekend in the New Forest cycling. Thankfully it is dry for them. 

Today - I am poorly. I have got some sort of throat bug with high temperature. Everything aches! I know that it is normal at this time of year to get colds, coughs etc... But for me I don't have the physical resources to cope very well and my kidneys take a battering when I am ill. I can feel them aching , combined with my high blood pressure I am feeling quite sorry for myself. Not a good place to be! I have a Drs appointment this afternoon so hopefully we will sort out my blood pressure tablets - although my guess is we will have to start again and re -jiggle everything. 

So today a day in bed and hopefully should feel a bit better tomorrow. We were going to Windsor Castle tomorrow but I guess that will not happen. Ho Hum! At least I have plenty of knitting to be getting on with! 

I am missing my phone - it is hard when you are used to something and then it breaks. I have one which I am using for now but it doesn't have all my phone numbers. However it is my same number so if you text me I receive it and I then have your phone number (as long as you tell me who you are!!!!!) 

2 more days until I see the Dr and hopefully sort out my tablets. I am fed up with having headaches every day. 

What a beautiful day yesterday - I sat outside in a summer house to have coffee with a friend which was delightful. It is good to make the most of these beautiful Autumn days. 

"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are.  Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart.  Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow.  Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return."
Mary Jean Iron

Next week it will be 1 year since I stopped dialysis. 1 year of living my life to the full. Of taking every opportunity and saying yes. Here is a look at my year

My non-dialysis year

October –

v    Meal out with Joy, Matt and Paul to celebrate

v    Windsor shopping with Chloe on first  Saturday without dialysis

November –

v    Ballet – Manon with Paul

v    Weekend in Southampton

December –

v    School concert

v    School nativity

v    Ladies lunch

v    Paul’s concert

v    Strictly party

v    Christmas!

January –

v    Winchester Cathedral

v    Stroud to see Kitty

v    South pacific in Southampton with Chloe

v    South Hill Park to see Blake

February –

v    Snow days!

v    Anton and Erin at the Hexagon

v    Savill Garden

March –

v    Calendar Girls – Southampton with Chloe

v    Lunchtime Flute concert

v    Henley

v    Holiday at home including, Hockney exhibition, ballet in London, Kew Gardens, Windsor Castle and Evensong, Bournemouth,

April –

v    Katya and Pasha

v    Ballet – Alice in Wonderland with Chloe, Ed and Paul

v    Savill Garden

v    Quilt show with Ed and Chloe

v    Stroud to see Kittys new house

v    Ballet - Chloe, Ed and Paul

v    Twelfth Night in Stratford with Paul

May –

v    Stratford – Shakespeare exhibition

v    Lake District holiday with Paul and Chloe

v    Chelsea Flower show

v    Ballet in London

v    Joy and Adams birthday party

v    Les Mis with Chloe 

June –

v    Madam Butterfly with Paul

v    Summer art exhibition at RA

v    Ballet with Josh and Debs and Paul

v    Vincent and Flavia in Southampton with Chloe, Talia, Joy and Kit,

v    Jubilee – in my bed!

v    Saxaphone concert

v    Savill gardens

v    Women’s breakfast

v    Picnic in Virginia Water and Savill gardens with Chloe and Paul

July –

v    Guildford Cathedral

v    Slimbridge with Kit, Sally and Dougal

v    Torch Relay

v    Flower festival

v    Meal out to celebrate Paul keeping job

v    Ladies who breakfast

v    Ben’s concert

v    House-group meal

v    Olympic road race with Chloe and Ed

August –

v    Olympic rowing with Josh, Debs, Chloe, Ed and Paul

v    Olympic triathlon

v    End of Olympic party with Kit, Joy, Matt, Chloe,

v    Quilt show at NEC with Chloe

v    London to see Josh and Debs flat

September –

v    Paralympics with Josh and Paul

v    London meet with friends I trained with

v    Tour of Britain cycle ride with Chloe and Ed 

October –

v    Buckingham palace with Paul

v    Bronze exhibition at RA

v    Kitting and stitching show with Chloe

There are so many other things I haven’t mentioned; the coffee with friends, the shopping trips, the meals out, the visits from friends at home, all the bible studies, prayer meetings, house groups, church services, garden centre visits, book clubs, school visits and many more things.

My life is full and I am so grateful for it all. Thankful to have so many lovely people involved in my life and a wonderful family to share life with. 

Monday morning after a busy weekend so I am on a go slow! Chloe and I had a wonderful day at the Knitting and Stitching show and have come back with SO many new projects and very inspired to try lots of other new things. It was quite a trek to Alexandra Palace in London and involved walking up a steep hill when we couldn't find the free shuttle bus ( for anyone going it is on the other side of the station) It was a great mix of inspiring creations and stalls full of threads and wools. We met and chatted to some very interesting sewers and knitters and some very helpful ladies. I am really missing my phone so I don't have any wonderful photos to show you. It has also made me sort out my craft box where I put all my unfinished projects and I am determined that I will finish all those projects and my new ones before I go again next year! Autumn and Winter are just the time for new projects and warm, cosy evenings knitting and sewing. I have decided that I am a hand sewer and will leave the machine sewing to Chloe and Ed (both had sewing projects this weekend). 

On Friday we arranged our flowers in church for an Autumn/harvest themed display. They look lovely - photos are on my phone which hopefully I will be able to show you if they mend my phone. The colours of Autumn are so wonderful to work with and look especially beautiful with the sunlight streaming in through the windows. 

This week - coffee with friends, sorting with another friend, tutoring, hopefully sorting my blood pressure tablets, bible study and quite a lot of tidying after weekend. 

My phone has died so if you need to contact me either use my home phone or text Paul.

I am feeling a little better although my blood pressure remains high. Going to see how it is over the weekend and hope it settles down. Taking tablets for the sickness which is helping.

Tomorrow - Knitting and Stitching show with Chloe - going to be tricky to sort out without a mobile - Chloe is meeting me in London! I am a bit lost without my phone!

Oh dear so much for getting on with it! Last night I was very sick again, horrible headache  and my blood pressure was very high even though I have doubled my dose of new tablets. This is becoming a real pain! I will hold out a bit longer as I know that it takes time for your body to adjust to changes but high blood pressure is scary.

Today hoping to get flowers for our harvest themed flower arranging tomorrow.

Yesterday I spent the day in bed feeling very frustrated. I began the day by being very sick. Another reminder I think that I have been too busy! It does seem to be my default setting now if I don't rest after busy days I get sick. I think I will have to take this seriously and go back to planning rest days again because being sick is so horrible. You would think I would get used to it - but I don't. It is such a reminder that I am still unwell and probably will never be completely well again. I have to re-arrange my thinking and accept that although I am SO much better than I was my body is still poorly. Ho hum! 

After that moaning let me say I am feeling much better today. Thankful for a new day, even a rainy one. Today sorting with a friend and coffee with a smaller friend. And a rest in between!  

I had finished writing this and then read Lisa Leonard's blog where she writes answering a question - 

How do you stay so positive all the time? I don’t. I mean, yes, in general I am happy and thankful. I love my little family and although David has a severe disability, I’ve accepted that and I don’t dwell on it. I have down days, where I let myself be sad and cry. But I can’t live there. There is too much life to be lived. This is my life–I can either embrace it or complain about it. I choose to embrace it. Despite the pain, there is joy to be found.

Maybe I need to be listening to this - less complaining and more getting on with it - embracing life with its restrictions. Making right choices so that I can live the joyful life. Accepting and not dwelling there. Chronic illness is hard but other things are hard too. I still choose joy! 

I have decided I like Autumn again. I am coping well with the colder days and using my layers, gloves and coats etc... The colours are SO beautiful. Now to work on loving rainy days!!!!! 

I have begun to think about Christmas (I know for many of you it is much too soon) but I love Christmas and having my family all together and I love a plan! We are having to make new plans as for the first time I won't have one of my children with me for Christmas day. So we are thinking about how to make it differently special. I am so grateful that I do manage to see all my siblings and their families either on Christmas day or Boxing day. However it is getting harder and harder to arrange everything. So planning is essential and compromise happens. I know for many of you it can be difficult to sort out and causes all sorts of arguments. I am hoping we can work it all out peacefully. 

Today coffee and catching up with my friend. Lovely! 

Lovely day with my girlie. We shopped ate and chatted - perfect. Then Strictly with Joy and Chloe. A great mix of people and some wonderful dresses. I would love a ballroom sparkly dress - no idea when I would wear it though! We have put our twinkly lights back up too which is lovely, perfect for a dark Autumn evening. Papageno is very confused by the curtains. In the summer we leave them open at night but last night I drew them. He went wild, climbing up them and trying to chase them away. He stalked them and then looked up at me as if to say - get rid of these they hamper my view. He is a funny cat! 

Today church followed by roast - lovely. Chloe is then off to Southampton for her next placement in the renal department. She is staying in a friends house. It will be nice for her  to be in a house rather than grotty hospital accommodation. 

This week - helping at cameo, tutoring, coffee with friends, helping a friend sort, flowers, book sorting for church, bible study, Knitting and stitching show with Chloe. Maybe a bit of tidying, cooking and ironing thrown in! My weeks are usually packed now which is wonderful! I am enjoying new challenges and most days are busy. I love the variety and I am thankful for the energy to do so much. 

We had a lovely lovely day yesterday. It was my first visit to Buckingham Palace. I enjoyed seeing the State rooms but  wished we could see more. I would so like a glimpse of their real lives and their kitchens!! Although I completely understand why we can't! Their lives are so different from mine! These pictures are taken from the gardens which are lovely although you are aware that you are in the middle of busy London. 

After the Palace we decided that I still had some energy left so we went to the Royal Academy to see the Bronze exhibition. I had forgotten that I liked bronzes until we were there! I fell in love with them in Florence. There was the most beautiful tiny bronze of a man in the exhibition which you were allowed to touch. I would have loved to bring him home. They can keep their huge statues and heads but this little man was very wonderful. 

 Earlier in the week we went for a walk which ended at a farm shop. These are pictures of their lovely chickens and tiny piglets. I love the gentle cooing that chickens make - although I am not sure I would like to wake to that sound every day!

This weekend - flowers, ladies who lunch and bible study, 
Chloe home, Strictly, shopping with Chloe, more Strictly with Joy and Chloe, church, roast dinner - and planning next Saturdays visit to The Knitting and Stitching Show!  A lovely weekend! 

'I’m letting it be imperfect but beautiful at the same time.' Lisa Leonard 

This is a quote from a  blog I follow. They have made a trailer for a reality show they are to be part of http://youtu.be/JJXJq4-2YDE. She is inspiring both for the work she does but also for the way she is bringing up her boys. I love that she takes her life with it's imperfections and thinks that it is beautiful as it is. That fits with me. My life has many imperfections but it is beautiful and I love it. 

Today off to Buckingham Palace to see the queen (well probably not but hey ho). I am looking forward to seeing where her Majesty lives some of the time. And it is another beautiful Autumn day - yippee! 

Blood tests all fine - wonderful news! Even my potassium is fine despite eating lots more tomatoes and even a few bananas. Woke this morning with a terrible headache and was sick - yucky start but very thankful that we have paracetamol which soon sorted it. Think that is connected to the BP tablets. Chronic illness is hard to cope with as it never goes away - there is always something niggling away.

What a beautiful morning quite still and peaceful.

AUTUMN 

The summer-flower has run to seed,

And yellow is the woodland bough;

And every leaf of bush and weed

Is tipt with autumn’s pencil now.

And I do love the varied hue,

And I do love the browning plain;

And I do love each scene to view,

That’s mark’d with beauties of her reign.

John Clare 

 

I love the changing colours that we are seeing all around us now. The promise that one season follows another and so it is in life. At times over the last 3 years I have had to remind myself that - 'this too shall pass'. Just as seasons come and go so our lives go through hard and easier times.  Winter is always followed by Spring. It is part of the reliability of our unchanging God. The poem above beautifully describes the 'Autumn pencil' colouring creation. I am grateful for the changing seasons. - Remind me of that when I am moaning in February! 

I had a lovely shopping time yesterday buying some new winter skirts in a bigger size! I have done very well at putting back some of the weight I lost but I need to stop now or I will have to get back all the clothes I gave away! 

Today I am going to have a blood test to check my kidneys - I am praying all is ok as I am adjusting to these new tablets and don't want to change again so soon!