Great news!

At last I can tell you some great news - my biggest boy is coming home - well nearly home! Today is his last day at work and tomorrow Josh and Debs move to live in Reading. It will be so lovely to have them near and able to pop in or meet for coffee even. Josh is going to work as a freelance Graphic Designer and Debs will continue her work with 3t Logistics. 

Our visit to Southampton worked out well. It was good to keep Chloe compnay as she revisied between exams. We are all delighted she has finished and now has a break. Results are in 2 weeks. We have been banned from discussing them or the future! So we live in the day - not a bad thiing to do!!! 

Tomorrow is our family craft day. We have been buying material, buttons, ribbons, felt, canvases, etc... and we are really looking forward to spending the day making. Today we will get ready setting up the making table and the equipment table. We are also flower arranging today - Chloe is coming to do her first arrangement.

Hopefully we will see some sunshine this weekend. Our garden is looking really lovely and I hope to take some pictures - which would look much better in the sun! It feels so long since we had really lovely weather. Maybe it's round the corner. I hope you all have lovely weekend plans.

Southampton - here we come!

This lovely photo is of my baby boy and his beautiful girlfriend Anna on their way to her Prom. 

Anna and Ben

How fast does time fly - it seems like only yesterday and I was so excited to be bringing him home from hospital and now here he is all growed up! For those of you with little ones - hug them tight becuase time passes oh so fast.

Today I am off to Southampton to be with Chloe - she has 2 exams today and then 2 on Thursday and then she is finished - hurrah! As she has no base in Southampton we are staying in a hotel - I am looking forward to nice breakfasts. Yesterday she drove to Southampton with Ed to practice motorway driving and to play with her new birthday present from Ed - a Satnav. What a clever toy!I am really looking forward to Thursday evening when my girlie is finished with the stress of exams and can have fun again without feeling guilty. She is so ready for a holiday! Results - 14th June. So not long to wait.

The weekend is busy - we have our second craft day on Saturday - with Kit, Joy, Heidi (my cousin), Katie and Chloe. A lovely family time while making - perfect!

3 years!

3 years ago tomorrow Paul and I entered a room where a consultant and a breast care nurse sat and I knew. As soon as I saw the nurse sitting there I knew that I had breast cancer - if I didn't have cancer there would be no need for a nurse! For Paul he didn't have that thought and was overwhelmed when they said it was cancer. That day our lives changed for ever. I could never have foreseen what the next 3 years would bring or the changes it would bring to me and to my family. Obviously I would have preferred not to have had cancer and all the other things that have happened as a result but so much good has also happened and for that I am truly grateful. I am so so proud of how my family have coped, of how they have cared for and loved me and how they stood together through the storm. Each one of them is a different person because of what they have been through. I am also so grateful for my friends who have stood alongside us and cared for us and continue to care for us - putting up with all my tales! It is hard to have a friend who has chronic illnesses as there is always something wrong! I am grateful for all you bloggy readers who come day after day or week after week to read my ramblings and let me know that you are reading. And lastly I am grateful for the changes in me - I have learnt what is important, what counts every day and how to appreciate all that we are given daily. I have learnt not to take life and all its joys and sadnesses forgranted. I have learnt to hold fast to the hand of the creator and to trust that he knows what he is doing. And I hope that maybe as a result of sharing my journey you too appreciate all you have, hold your loved ones a little bit tighter and are thankful everyday for the joys which surround you.

Roller-coaster

The last few weeks have felt like a roller coaster here at home. We have had bad exams and good ones, bad meetings and good ones, good news and bad, wonderfully busy days and very quiet days. (If you didn't catch it my Chelsea photos are in the last post) I am so glad that I am learning to trust throughout all circumstances that our lives are in God's hands. That he sees the bigger picture whilst we only see this little bit and that he gives us enough light for this little bit and no more. Thankfully I can't see into the future so have to just take each day as it comes. This doesn't stop the night time worrying but it does lessen it. I so love a plan and it is very hard when you don't know the outcome and therefore can't plan. Yesterdays good news was that Chloe passed her driving test - HURRAH! She was very brave to book it in the middle of her finals but I think she felt that she might as well have all the horrid things together. She has been driving with Ed for quite a while now and is a very competent driver but the test is so scary especially when you have failed before. So we were delighted to get her text saying she passed. So we have one more week of exams - Ben finishes today and Chloe on Thursday. I will be relieved to reach that point. Then we wait for results - ho hum!

This weekend - flower arranging, bible study, church, gardening (inspired by Chelsea), some ironing (my boy goes to Anna's prom tonight and I love my boys in suits) and some quiet reflecting on the week gone!

I hope you all have great weekend and half-term plans - especially my lovely school friends some off to Boston. Have a great time!

It was the best of days!

Homebase Garden with bee hive

 As usual any one who doesn't like detail can miss out this post and just look at the pictures!


What a magical day! Made all the more special by having Kit with us. It is so lovely to introduce someone else to something that you love, with the hope that they too with love it as much as you do. I think she did.

Seating area and planting of Homebase garden

 We began early catching the 6.55 train to London. It is worth getting there so early because you get to see the show gardens with a small crowd rather than the hundreds later. We took a taxi to the waterside entrance, which means that the first garden we saw was the best in show – Trailfinders Australian garden. Unfortunately getting there so early they hadn’t turned on the water and there were no frogs quietly cheeping in the background. It is lovely but I don’t think we would have given it best in show! A quick coffee and then we were off to see the other show gardens. The planting this year is really beautiful in lots of soft purples, lilacs, lemons and some dark pink/crimsons. There are 15 show gardens this year – 10 got gold – wow! I loved most of them but had 3 real favourites

Kitty and I - looking slightly surprised by Paul calling

 

v    The Homebase garden – Sowing the Seeds of Change in association with Alzheimer’s society,  this garden was a mix of  edible and ornamental plants and looked so possible with the most lovely seating are and beehive shapes echoed throughout the garden 

v     The Windows Through Time M&G centenary garden, this would have been my best in show garden. It moved through gardening over the last 100 years and began with an old sandstone wall and moved through to a beautiful copper coloured sculpture through which you could look at the garden – very clever. The planting was so beautiful

The Arthritis Research UK Garden – Chris Beardshaw designed this garden bravely speaking of his own battle with arthritis since a child. He used 3 pieces of sculpture showing the pain at the beginning of diagnosis, a lucid area where you are coming to terms with diagnosis and getting help and lastly to the radiant garden where you learn to manage the condition and enjoy life again. I loved the story telling and the planting was exquisite.  

Windows Through Time -

 After the show gardens we had our first visit to the pavilion. As ever, we were overwhelmed by the size and the number of exhibits. I wish I could give you a glimpse of it in words but nothing I say can capture the size and beauty of some of the stands or the sheer number of flowers there are. I think every plant you could wish to see is there, beautifully displayed – swathes of lilies, clematis, carnations, chrysanthemums, roses, hostas, alpines, bulbs, orchards, violas, etc….. the list is endless! Kit and I had a wonderful chat with a man from interflora who had designed a fantastic stand. He was so helpful – giving us tips about flower arranging. We also saw the Young Florists competition which was based on a never ending circle. They were amazing – so intricate.

Pain!

 Next a visit to the Fresh gardens – these were all innovative gardens and included a garden with traditional planting around the garden surrounding a white structure with windows which opened the more people tweeted (rhs). We chatted to a lovely young man who was very enthusiastic! Along the avenue of the fresh gardens were 3 orange poles that had been used in one of the show gardens last year. Young designers had been awarded the task of decorating them. We loved one which had used a ‘bee ‘ theme and she had designed bee wings out of metal which looked wonderfully planted in amongst the flowers. I would have loved to take a few of those home!

Lucid - with beautiful planting

 

Lunch followed and a very necessary sit down! (A bed and a lie down would have been good at this point) We then visited the Artisan Gardens which maybe my favourite gardens of all. They are tiny little spaces tucked away in the woodland area. This year there are 8 of them. I loved the Le Jardin De Yorkshire, which has been inspired by the Tour of France coming to Yorkshire in 2014. I had a lovely chat with one of the very young designers who showed me a very rare orchid, which they had been given and had tucked into the planting. I also loved Un Garreg because of its rugged design and planting including a wonderful dry stonewall. However the highlight was the Alcove Garden designed by Ishihara and was a beautiful Japanese garden with running water and an open room.

Freedom and joy !

 

Kit and I then went to see the floral displays by flower arrangers around the country. Mmmm I went for inspiration but they were so beyond my reach! Amazing arrangements with so much imagination. 

 I then went to sit down while Kit and Paul tried to cover some more of the Pavilion – there is never enough time (or energy)! 

We did manage some celebrity spotting - mostly gardeners from TV - Chris Beardshaw, Alan Titmarsh, Joe Swift, Christine Walkdon and a few actors most notable Judy Parfitt from Call the Midwife.

Pavilion stand

 Reluctantly we left Chelsea at 4pm. I was quite sad to leave – always with that thought – what if I never do that again. I know we are privileged to live close enough to be able to do it in a day. It is such a highlight of my year. I am aware of how much energy I need to be able to do it and know that in the future I may not have that energy. I am so thankful. 

Talking to Owl designer

Today a day in bed – every joint in my body is tired but my head is buzzing with pictures. I now have to work my way through all the leaflets and take down the names of the planets we would like to try and grow. new plans - lovely!I do so love a plan!

Le Jardin De Yorkshire with the peleton

Un Garreg

An Alcove - Japanese Garden

The Giraffe that wanted to come home with us - he told me!

Pavilion display

Flower arrangement

Best in Show garden

Chris Beardshaw through the trees!

Flower arrangement

Owl I would have liked to bring home

My girlie

My girlie

This is my beautiful girlie - who is (right now as I type) taking her first final exam. This is the big scary one - 16 stations where she will have 6 minutes for each one, to present all she knows about what is in front of her, be it a patient with a particular condition which she has to diagnose, a part of the body to examine, or an ECG or x-ray to interpret or blood to take or a canula to insert. They flick from one area of the body to the next - so fast! 5 years of learning! We have been practising for weeks - being patients which has involved a lot of laughing. Hopefully she won't be laughing now - or crying either! We will all be glad when this exam is over. She then has 4 exams next week. And then it will be done - and all being well she will be Dr Chloe.

Tomorrow we go to Chelsea - I have been watching the coverage on the BBC and can't wait to actually be there - hopefully with a little bit of sunshine and no rain! I am having a rest day today to prepare! Kit arrives this evening ready for a very early start in the morning.

Chelsea

Bluebell walk

Bluebell wood (Taken by Chloe)

We had a lovely day yesterday - Chloe and I gardened, planting sweet peas, ipomea, and my hanging basket. We (Paul, Chloe and I) then went for a walk to look for bluebells. It was the longest walk I have done for a long time - and part way through I wasn't sure I could finish it! The trouble with getting exhausted in a wood is that no one can bring a car to rescue you! So after quite a lot of stopping we managed it. I was so glad to get back to the car - I had turned into a moaning, groaning toddler! You remember those days when you are walking with a little person and all they can do is moan about how far it is! When the walk was finished I was really pleased I had done it and proved that i can push myself sometimes. We had lunch at the garden centre and bought some more plants for the garden. (Photos when we have planted them) Our garden is looking really lovely. I think it might be at it's best at this time of the year. I then spent the rest of the day - in bed to recover!

Today - church and roast pork!

Next week - a couple of resting days, some tutoring, Kitty coming to stay and then Chelsea. I can't wait - I have the book and am planning our day. It is looking like it will be dry - although it would be wonderful to have a little bit of sunshine, maybe at lunch time for Pimms! Then more resting to recover and bible study and flowers. Chloe has her first and most scary exam on Tuesday and Ben finishes his exams on Friday.

No dialysis - yippee!

Thank you for all your messages yesterday. Kit is right - it is so easy to forget how amazing it is to be sitting here on a Saturday morning and not driving into Reading for dialysis and then spending about 6 hours having dialysis -setting up the machine, needling, actually having dialysis, taking out needles, stopping bleeding (sometimes over an hour to do this), and then being driven home. I would then be feeling quite poorly and would spend the rest of the time in bed recovering. And this is life 3 times a week for many, many people. I regularly go back to the unit and see my fellow patients and reflect on what could have been. Even those patients who have a transplant then have to live with the difficulties of anti-suppressant drugs which have many, many side effects and also cope with the fear of rejection all the time. I am so grateful not to be in that position but to be here planning my Saturday. I will never take my life for granted. Each new day is a gift - maybe you feel that a little bit too having known me? 

Today - we have begun the day having coffee and chat with Ed before he set of for a day at Lords with some of his family. I am hoping to plant up my hanging basket today - depending on the weather, a trip to see Bluebells (again weather dependent) and lunch at the garden centre with Paul and Chloe (to give Chloe a break from the never ending revision). 

My new GP was lovely yesterday - although I think rather overwhelmed by me! It is hard in a short time to give my medical history. In telling her what had gone on I completely forgot the autoimmune part which was very confusing for her when I suddenly said - oh I also have mixed connective tissue disease,with sclerdorema. I could see her brain whizzing away trying to remember anything about scleroderma (she probably has never seen a patient with scleroderma before). We managed to come up with a reasonable plan which I was happy with. I will visit her every 2 months (unless I have any concerns in between) and I will have 6 monthly bloods, again unless I feel unwell or get any bugs when I will have a blood test straight away. I will monitor my blood pressure at home (it was quite high again yesterday) and if it doesn't settle we will have to have another look at my tablets - ho hum! (I already take 3 tablets for my blood pressure not keen to take more) I have added in another tablet with the hope of controlling my morning sickness. Soon I will rattle with all the tablets I take!

I hope you have lovely weekend plans.

Blood results....

So almost 3 years after I went into renal failure I have had my last renal appointment. Wow! My blood tests have come back stable so I won't need to go back to the clinic. It's hard to put into words what that feels like. So many time I was told that my kidneys would not recover and that this was my life - dialysis for 5 years and then the possibility of a transplant. But here I sit - no dialysis, no transplant and no clinic appointments. My kidneys are working at a stable 20% and as long as none of my other diseases rear their heads above the parrapet or I don't get a nasty infection and need drugs which affect my kidneys I should remain stable for a very long time. That is truly amazing! 

This afternoon I see the GP and together we will make a plan for keeping an eye on my kidneys while getting on with my life. I am hoping that will involve some regular blood tests so that we don't get any surprises and obviously keeping a check on my blood pressure. So much better than having to go to the hospital though. I will continue with 6 monthly apointments for rheumatology and oncology, who will keep an eye on everything as well. So I am in safe hands. Of course I will also have my own little baby Dr!

As the sun begins to shine and maybe Spring is at last here I am reminded of the promises of God all that time ago in the hospital bed after I had a kidney biopsy and I was feeling the illest  that I had ever felt. . He didn't promise to make me well, or to take away the problem .............

This is what I have written about that day..........

Kidney biopsies are performed under a local anaesthetic with the patient lying on their front. You then have to remain lying flat for a further 3 hours to prevent bleeding.  My Aunt and Uncle had arrived for a visit not long after the biopsy was performed so had to spend their visit chatting to me while I lay completely flat and still. After about 2 ½ hours I began to feel quite unwell. I was attached to a monitor of my oxygen levels and it began to show low levels I then began to struggle to breathe. I was quite scared. The nurse arrived with an oxygen mask and decided to sit me up slightly. Thankfully this eased my breathing slightly. It was decided that lying flat had caused the excess water I was carrying to gather on my lungs and that was causing the breathing difficulties. I needed to have dialysis urgently to remove the excess fluid. So a further 4 hours of lying flat. I don’t think I have ever felt as ill as I did that day.

Paul and Chloe left me that evening quite late once the dialysis had finished. I was still attached to the oxygen and could hear the swashing of the oxygen entering through the tubes in my nose. The tears rolled down my face in the darkness. I thought OK this is it. I may die now -  I am so ill. I have to decide do I believe that God is here in this moment or not, do I believe he is in charge or not. Is he sovereign over all things?  It was pivotal in my journey. I had read a lot of books when I had first become ill about suffering and although they didn’t provide all the answers they had certainly directed my thinking. Now it was time to put them into practise. If God is sovereign then he is sovereign over all things. That meant that although he hadn’t chosen this pathway for me he had allowed it to happen. His promises filled my head that night. He promised to never leave me or forsake me. He promised to walk beside me every step of the way. I became sure that night this was his journey for me. He had allowed this to happen and he would walk beside me holding my hand. It wasn’t what I would have chosen for me, for my family or for my friends but it was what God had allowed and I now had a choice – to hold on very tight to his hand or to let go and cope on my own. I chose to hold tight to the hand of the creator of the world who loved me enough to allow his son to die for me. That night I decided that if these were my last days on earth then I wanted each one to be full of joy. I wanted them to count.

Since that day I have been sure that He has never let go of my hand. He has always been with me even in the darkest of days. I have had just enough light for the step I have been on and no more. I can't see into the future and for that I am grateful. But I can live each day i have thankful for the day and making it count.  Sometimes I forget this and become a moaning, groaning, grumpy, Minnie but it doesn't take much to remind me how thankful I am to be here living each day.

 

Time passing

I can't quite believe it's Thursday already - where do the weeks go? Next week will be my 3 year anniversary since diagnosis of breast cancer - wow! In some ways it feels like a lifetime since then and in others it is just a heartbeat since my old life! I still miss that life and I really miss working. I know that sounds strange for all of you out there getting up this morning and wishing you didn't have to go to work! But when choices are taken away it is hard to come to terms with. I do love the freedom I have now but it comes with big restrictions ( oh that doesn't make sense). I have freedom day by day to choose what i do but my body limits those choices! I hope you are following this. However I am really grateful to be here and living this life with my family, making each day count. I hope I never lose that joy in each new day and the thankfulness to still be here. I am learning contentment but it is slow!

Today blood tests, craft shopping for a craft day we are having soon and maybe some housework.

Thank you for all your messages about my back - it is completely better. I have no idea what that was about!

Plans are nothing; planning is everything. – Dwight D. Eisenhower

So I proved that plans are nothing! My lovely plans for the weekend fell apart. I was merrily cooking away in the kitchen for lunch with the chicks when I did something to my back. Suddenly I was struggling to breathe and moving was tricky. After a discussion with my nearly Dr and a few scary words which included blood clots on lungs and intercostal musles we decided to leave it a bit before a trip to the hospital. Unfortunatly with me we now expect the worst case scenario! My mixture of diseases means that I am more likely to have 'scary' things happen to me! Thankfully after a while it settled down into symptoms of a pulled intercostal muscle. I have no idea how I managed to do that whilst cooking a cheese and onion flan and make Lisa Faulkner's sausage rolls! So I have spent the weekend in bed! Breathing is now easier and I am left feeling a bit like I have been kicked by a horse! Unfortunatly I can't take anti inflammatories because of my kidneys so just rely on paracetamol. As Eisenhower says though - planning is everything - I had planned and the others just stepped in and carried out the plan! My poor family are getting good at doing that. Picking up the pieces. It was really lovely to see Josh and Debs and to catch up with their news.I was very sad not to be able to go to the  Iceskating but I am looking forward to hearing all about it.

We have now enetered the 3 week stretch of exams - Ben starts today and carries on for 2 weeks, Chloe begins next week for 2 weeks and then it will be over - hurrah! Thankfully they are both quite calm - just wanting to get them over and done. I am sure all you mummies out there know the stress for mums - we can do nothing except want the best for your child.

So today - another quiet day hopefully to fully recover. Then a steady week, which includes my final renal blood test (hopefully) and a visit to a new GP. I am feeling a bit sorry for her as she has inherited me and will now take over my renal care! I wonder whether she will see me as a challenge or a nuisance?

All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well" Julian of Norwich

My chicks!

Today we are having an unexpected lunch with the chicks. Chloe and Ed are here for the weekend and Josh and Debs are popping in for lunch - lovely. My favourite thing is to have all my chicks together - there will be lots of noise and laughter I am sure.On Sunday I am going to an early performance of dancing on ice the professionals with some of my girlies.

This week has been good - I am slowly learning to be content! It is something that doesn't happen overnight and involves a change in my thinking. We spend so much of our time striving, being busy filling every second with activity. So having to slow down and take time to rest goes against every fibre of my being. But I am learning - looking at the calendar and planning my time more carefully. Learning to say no to things which will take up too much energy or doesn't give me time to rest in between. I am also having to learn to deal with the guilt that brings - saying no is hard. Paul is helping and telling me when I need to say no and when I need to make good choices. I think it will take a while to get this right.

One of the good things about rest is it does give me time to think! Which is good because we have been tackling GRACE in our bible studies recently. That takes some thinking about. Grace is the undeserved favour of God - and I think it is mind blowing. It turns everything on its head once you understand that you can't earn God's love - nothing you do can make you worthy of him loving you. Absolutely nothing! No amount of being good, no amount of bible study or prayer or selfless acts, NOTHING. How freeing is that. It means that there needs to be no guilt. Because it is all about Him and not about me. Then when I act it is because I do so in response to that love, because of the relationship. That takes some thinking about! Good job I have time!

This week brings exams for my boy, coffee with friends, planting up my baskets and pots, bible study, tutoring, planning for Chelsea, we are going on 22nd May and wonderfully Kit is coming with us. (How exciting!) and of course plenty of rest!

I love rheumatologists!

I had a really good appointment yesterday and feel very reassured. We discussed my tiredness and the reasons for it. He was keen for me to understand that I am doing really well despite having chronic diseases. My blood results, lung function tests and heart echo show that my body is coping well. He repeatedly commented on how lovely my skin is! He was saying how rare it is for scleroderma patients to recover skin elasticity. I commented that the down side was that I was now getting wrinkles – he thought that very funny saying ‘better wrinkles than tight scaly skin’. We both agreed with that. He felt that the tiredness is a result of a combination of diseases, tablets and past damage. I asked about how much effect the autoimmune disease still had and he said that it would still have a huge effect on my body. I asked about the fluey symptoms I have in the evenings and he said that is still part of the autoimmune disease. So this is it – the new normal. I have wondered what the new normal would be like and I think we have reached it. We discussed learning to pace myself and not trying to do too much in a day! It was good to hear that this is ok – that there isn’t something I should be doing to make it better but learning to accept that this is my life. I will continue to plan in rest days and learn not to feel that I have to apologise all the time when I can’t do something. I think he was trying to tell me to be grateful that I am as well as I am. So that is what I will try to do. Content – right here right now. Blessed with all that I can do and all that I have. Thankful for each and every day.

Today – flowers for church arrangements, some cooking for the weekend, and a trip to buy compost for my sweet peas who really need new pots.

Lovely, lovely weekend in Stratford.

We arrived at 11.30 on Saturday and the hotel let us check in early. We had lunch in their lovely restaurant and then I had a sleep while Paul had a walk along the riverside. We then met up with some friends that we hadn't seen for 25 years - wow! It was so lovely to see them and catch up.

Wonderful meal in the Rooftop restaurant at the RSC overlooking the river. Paul had booked the same seats as we had last year tucked away in the corner with wonderful views.

We saw As you like it and it was every bit as good as the reviews it has been getting. The round seating is great and our seats at the side make you feel as if you are actually in the play yourself. I loved every minute of it and once it was over I just wished I could see it all again. It was set with a modern day setting and used a festival theme. There was very clever use of a pit for many parts of the play. Pippa Nixon is so wonderful as Rosalind and Alex Waldermann brilliant as Orlando.

As with many of Shakespeare's comedies there are some wonderfully poignant lines that speak right to the heart and take you from laughter to tears in a second.  The play ends with an exuberant wedding  party complete with rain and a wonderful speech by Rosalind. 

As you can tell I loved it!

It was a very late night for me and we had planned to stay in Stratford for a Sunday Lunch but I woke on Sunday exhausted. So we decided to head home before lunch. However the trains are only every 2 hours so we managed a quick visit to the Butterfly farm which is next to the hotel. They have so many different species of butterflies. So many beautiful colours - I wish I could paint!

The last few days I have been recovering! Today I have a 6 monthly appointment with the rheumatologist. I am going to discuss the tiredness with him - not expecting any answers but you never know!

The photos of As you like it are from the Internet.

Tiredness

So the skies are a little grey - I was hoping for sunshine but the weekend beckons. Paul and I are off to Stratford for a birthday celebration for Paul. We are going to see As you like it and eat in the beautiful Rooftop restaurant, followed by a night in a hotel and (hopefully) a lovely breakfast and a long lazy lunch. As ever I am hoping for enough energy to cope. We went last year and spent 2 very busy days in Stratford. I am aware now that my energy reserves are less than they were then. I do need to have more stopping time and on Monday I know I will be wiped out. Somehow I need to get my mind around the tiredness aspect of my illness as it still creeps up and surprises me. On Tuesday I went to Bookclub which was great fun and I really enjoyed my time with the ladies. But on Wednesday I tried to do too much (which wasn't much at all) and I was exhausted. Ho hum! A morning of shopping with Chloe on Thursday wrote me off for the rest of the day. I know I should be appreciating what I can do and not moaning and groaning about what I can't do but I still struggle with it. I am now writing rest days into the calendar but I am doing them with a grumpy face! It is hard to explain what it feels like when I get tired - it is as if my bones are exhausted. Every bit of me aches from my fingers to my toes and I feel quite sick. Despite this moaning I am SO thankful I can do all that I can. I think I need to learn contentment - with my new normal and look for joy even in the stillness. I have been given much - and I am thankful.

This week

We are in major revision mode here. Chloe is home (when she is not in Southampton for revision lectures) and revising and Ben has his A's exams in less than 2 weeks so is also revising. We are also surrounded by boxes, suitcases and bags as Chloe brings home 5 years of stuff! At the weekend our little house was bulging at the seams as Josh and Debs came to stay along with Ed and Chloe and Ben and Anna. It was so lovely all being together. We celebrated Paul's birthday and visited Trilakes to feed Alpacas and walk around the Lake. No photos as I didn't take a camera or my phone.

This week - a bits and pieces week, book club, tutoring, bible study, flowers, shopping with Chloe for a new dress, birthday lunch with Paul and at the weekend we go to Stratford. I am really looking forward to that - we are staying a night in a hotel and seeing 'As you like it' at the theatre and meeting up with some friends. I am hoping for a bit of sunshine too as last time we went there was flooding!

My seeds are coming on well - despite me forgetting them over the weekend! Our garden is looking lovely - thanks to Paul's hard work. I do love Spring when the sun is out.