Things went a bit down hill after Saturday mainly due to some bad nights. Being tired makes everything so much harder to deal with. I struggle with the anxiety when I am tired as I can't get on top of the thoughts and they tend to spiral. Having said that the panic is definitely lessoning and I am not getting the out of control panic that I had. I can be left on my own in the house now for short periods of time and although I don't like it I can cope. I am putting in place quite a few strategies that you have all been suggesting that have helped you and it is definitely better. I am a controller and anxiety is the opposite of being in control! Being able to put in place measures to control is good. Some simple techniques have probably been the best - realising that the panic can't hurt me is really helpful ( I know it sounds obvious but when in the panic it feels so scary) , telling myself that the panic is not reality and reminding myself of what is helps, I have made cards of all the things that I am anxious about and putting the solutions on the other side ( this helps by reminding me that there are so many different strategies for any one anxiety), using familiar phrases - ' over soon,over soon,' and 'this too will pass' help, my looking forward to nice things list, poems that kind friends have sent and of course bible verses that remind me Jesus is there with me in the midst of all of this and that he has a plan and is in control. Sometimes I do need to let go and trust that all my days are in his hands the good and the bad and that I can still find joy in each one. I am so sorry that so many of you have to deal with anxiety and panic in your daily lives - I feel humbled that you have been prepared to share your stories and strategies with me. I wish that there was more openness about these sort of issues and that people didn't feel that they had to cope alone. I can't imagine how lonely that must feel.
I have seen lovely friends this week and caught up on much news. Joy has been able to step in when people have been unwell which is great otherwise I spend too much time on my own thinking - never a good plan for me! I saw some friends from the school I used to work in yesterday and they were like a breath of fresh air - bringing all the school news and making me laugh SO much. Laughter is always a good medicine isn't it.
As ever thank you for all your messages and emails. I love hearing about your lives. I am so hoping to get better enough to get out and about more but it is taking time. I have started an exercise programme and am walking daily which is helping. But if you are a prayerer then please pray for my sickness to lift or for tablets to control it, for my eating to improve, for more energy to get out and about, for the anxiety to continue to decrease and for good nights sleep. Sorry it is such a long list.
I look forward to hearing from you and catching up with your news. So many lovely things going on.
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