I have been thinking a lot about what i would write today - the last day of this year.About my plans for next year and all that I will do ............ and then I remembered its not about me. Its not my plans but His, its not my life its His

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Eph 3

I can have hopes and dreams but I must hold them lightly trusting that the creator of the world has all things in his hands. Just enough light for this day and no more.

My blood tests were better this week. Welllllllllllllllllll when I say better my creatinine was lower again so it looks like the antibiotics or the infection affected it. My phosphates were high - mmmm back to the diet again. However my potassium was fine despite quite a lot of high potassium foods. My urea was also high so I need to increase my fluids again.Drinking is tricky when you are busy!

Today we continue with the sorting - Paul is in a big sorting mood and keeps finding me things to sort and cupboards to empty! We will have a sorted house by the time he is finished! Not sure we are throwing much just reallocating it to different parts of the house!

May I wish you all a happy, healthy and peaceful New Year.

I wonder how you would answer these questions. I have found it very interesting to look back on the year and think of all that has happened. I made a list of all the things that I have done and although obviously hospitals feature most often it is still full of wonderful things. I am so grateful to God as I look back and realise how his hand has guided me and how so many of the things I have done have been joyful.

So many of the most precious memories involve my family and friends and I am thankful for you all.

20 Questions for a New Year’s Reflection

1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?

Josh and Debs wedding

2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?

Dialysis – not sure this counts as a single thing but it was the hardest part

3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?

I have experienced so much joy this year but the most unexpected was stopping dialysis. I will never forget the moment the consultant said I could stop or the tears in the eyes of my oncologist when I told him. I believed miracles could happen I just didn’t expect them to happen to me.

4. What was an unexpected obstacle?

More chemo in March

5. Pick three words to describe 2011.

Hard, joyful and thankfulness

8. What were the best books you read this year?

‘One Thousand gifts’,

9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?

My family, my bible study ladies, my work colleagues, my friends

10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?

To learn to take each day as it comes and to look for joy in that day (I don’t always do it but I do try)

11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?

I am and always will be someone who wears her emotions on her sleeves, I laugh, cry and love easily!

12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?

I am more trusting in an awesome God

13. In what way(s) did you grow physically?

I have curly hair now!

14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?

I think I have learnt to treasure all my relationships more and to tell people regularly that I love them

15. What was the most enjoyable part of your work (both professionally and at home)?

Being able to look after my house again – even if I don’t do it very well!

16. What was the most challenging part of your work (both professionally and at home)?

Letting go of work was very challenging

17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?

I hope I haven’t wasted too much of this year

18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?

Praying

19. What was biggest thing you learned this past year?

That miracles can happen

20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2011 for you.

Thankfulness each and every day

Today I am looking's forward to a meal at a friends house. Chloe is looking forward to her boy being back.

“Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body. But rather, to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming: WOW, What A Ride!" annon

My poor body is definitely not going to be a beautifully preserved body! But I am trying to live life to the full, grasping each opportunity and finding joy everywhere.

As ever I am reflecting on the year gone by and looking to the future one. I am making lists of all that I would like to achieve this year taking into account that I can't know what is around the corner. This is my last full year with a child at home - in 2013 my baby chick will fly and my baby girl will be a Dr - all being well. I want to make the most of time with them. I also want to remember to take time to 'stop and smell the roses'. As I get better and have more energy it is so easy to get caught up in the hurry of life again and I don't want that to happen. We have one life and I want to live mine well.

I am writing this from my new bed - at last. I am very pleased with it. The men travelled from Wales this morning to take the wrong bed away and put up the new bed - thankfully. It looks very lovely and as I do spend a lot of time in my room it is good that it is so nice. We just need to sort it out now and decide where to put things. Both Paul and I find it hard to throw things away - we are both hoarders!

We have had a lovely day. Kit and Shaun came for coffee before heading back to Stroud which was lovely. I miss seeing Kit fortnightly at dialysis. I am hoping to go to Stroud soon instead of her having to come here. Chloe and I then went into Reading for some retail therapy. I managed 4 hours which is very good (it did include lunch and quite long bus journeys as there were no trains)

Tomorrow is blood test day and hopefully see Josh before he goes back to Brighton on Friday. It was lovely to see him for 5 days but it is hard to know he is in Wokingham but not see him. I miss him. It is sad that children have to grow up and leave you. Hold onto your little ones tight.

How fast the last 3 days have gone. We have had a lovely time - family time is SO wonderful. I am very tired today and we are having a duvet day. Not sure I can manage a whole day in my jamas but we shall see! We have all had wonderful presents and shall be smelling wonderful for the next few weeks!!!!

Only one sad moment when everyone was opening stockings and I thought about how I could so easily not have been here. I am so

grateful to be alive and to be with my family. My thoughts go out to those who have lost loved ones this year or who can't be with loved ones for whatever reason. How hard that must be! Maybe soon those thoughts won't be with me any more and I will get on with life - living it to the full.

Ho Hum! We have started the day early with the delivery of a new bed - supposed to have been delivered yesterday. IT HAS BEEN DELIVERED TODAY AND IT IS THE WRONG BED! Not sure what they are now going to do about it as we have dismantled our old bed! And we are off to the ballet in a couple of hours. Paul has gone off for a walk to calm down! Why can't people do a good job anymore?

On a much happier note we had a lovely day yesterday enjoying the company of my children and friends, walking in the fresh air and seeing birds of prey.

Today we are off to London to see The Nutcracker. You can't get much more christmassy than that! We are then going out for Tappas. It will be a lovely day.

Then Christmas starts -
Christmas eve - cooking, church followed by a meal at Joy and Matt
Christmas day - Joy and Matt and family and our family here
Boxing day - at Joy and Matts with kitty and Shaun, Mark and the girls and us minus Josh and Debs who will be with Debs family

I am hoping to have enough energy to cope with lots of business.

May I wish you all a happy and peaceful Christmas with those you love. Thank you for being my friends and sharing my journey. My prayers for you all are that you will KNOW the one who we celebrate.

For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

This is who holds my hand - who walks with me - who guides my path - who numbers my days. Wow!

Yesterday was cooking day and we have cooked our little socks off! By the evening I was exhausted but happy to have spent the day with my girlie cooking. We work so well together in the kitchen - it is a great joy. The fridge and freezer are now completely full. Just mince pies to do today.

Today my boy comes home and we will all be here. Tonight we are having a meal to celebrate all my chicks and my adopted chicks will be here. Before that we have beds to be made and tidying to be done - not sure if I will have enough energy for all I would like to get done. So will do what I can and leave the rest! Tonight our house will be creaking at the seams!