An evening reflection ....

We expect a bright to-morrow,
All will be well;
Faith can sing through days of sorrow,
All, all is well:
On our Father’s love relying,
Jesus every need supplying,
Then in living or in dying, 

All must be well.

A  lovely friend sent me this verse from a hymn recently. Its words sums up what I hope to be saying throughout this journey. Unfortunately there are times when my emotions get the better of me and they rule rather than the meaning of this verse. Last night was one of those times. Poor Paul took the full brunt of my sadness. It must be so hard to hear when you are also struggling to take in what is happening yourself. There were no words he could say that could comfort me or help I just needed to say them and he did the best thing he just hugged me throughout my outburst. I am telling you this not because you need to hear about me being sad but because I want this to be an honest account of my journey - warts and all (not that I have any warts you understand) It was a pity party on my part and was very selfish but understandable I guess. At the end of it all I didn't feel better but at least it had all been said! I then took my sedative and went straight to sleep! On waking in the night i could look back and see why it had happened and I think I know how to prevent it in the future. I had spent the day on my own in my bed - not having organised visitors in time, my boy had gone to uni on Saturday ( something I am very happy about but it was bound to be sad as well), I had been struggling  with sickness all day which is always difficult and I hadn't managed to keep much food down  and I had done too much thinking for one day! All that combined was not a good combination. So I will not let that happen again. As ever it is all in the planning! I am fine again today and I am already making plans for the next few weeks. i have also managed to cut my painkillers today which hopefully will mean that I am a bit less tired and can manage to do a bit more at home and if I am well enough, when I go out. Morphine is wonderful at controlling pain but it also makes me quite dopey! I am wondering of it is also contributing to the shakiness I have. 

So I have good plans for the next few days - friends for coffee and to accompany me to blood tests, bible study to prepare and go to, flowers to arrange if possible, and of course  strictly to watch at the weekend. I am also learning all about the Ryder Cup so that I can follow that at the weekend. My knowledge of golf is limited but Ed loves golf and is teaching me the basics. He tells me that the Ryder Cup is very exciting - 'epic' is his word for it from 2 years ago. I have printed off my list of things to look forward to and I will have that next to my bed. I am also preparing my go to list of verses. As you can see the plan is coming together! 

Thank you so much for all your loving support - I love getting your chatty emails or messages telling me  of your lives and the exciting things you are doing, or even the not so exciting things but are exciting to me when I am sitting here at home! 

Sorry about funny white boxes - no idea what has happened there. I need a secretary along with a maid!