Sunday, 22 May 2011

I love my life. Even though this is not what I would choose I still love my life. I love new days with new possibilities. I am happy with the simple things and grateful for so much. This doesn't make me amazing or brave or inspiring or any of the other words people have said - it just makes me me surrounded by friends and family who love me and a God who is my friend. I am so privileged.

Yesterday - needling went very well. The nurse who is now needling me managed the top needle with almost no pain at all. I think this is what it is supposed to be like. My blood count is holding out very well despite the chemo. I did drop my blood pressure but this may be because I am eating more in dialysis. We are going to investigate this a bit to see if eating less means I don't drop my BP. Joy and Matt came to visit at the end of dialysis which was lovely.

Today a slow day - still hoping to plant my new plants when I have the energy.

Please be praying about the decision the Dr will make about how much chemo I have. I will see him on 31st May. I would love to stop after the next chemo but feel guilty that I feel like that and feel that I should have all 6. I don't want the cancer to come back and me think it was my fault for not having 6. But my body is worn out from all the treatment and would so like to stop! I was reminded on Friday by a friend that it isn't me that is in charge of that but God. I still haven't quite got that though, as I so often want to be in charge - in control of everything - the one calling the shots, making the decisions. Don't we all!

I am so excited about going to Chelsea on Wednesday - I so hope it lives up to my expectations. We have been reading the booklet and looking online. It is a bit like planning a holiday - which obviously I won't be doing this year. It's great that Paul is looking forward to it too. He is having three days off work this week which is really good as he has been very busy lately. He is going to focus on our new rock garden which will be really lovely - so we need some dry and sunny weather if possible.

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