Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight and understanding. In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6 (Amplified Bible)

Ok so I am back trusting - all in His hands. I think I am learning that when difficulties arise I need 24 hours to  strop and say no - no more - stamp my feet - and then get on with it. I need that time to get my mind around what it means. To shout those questions that scream in my ears. And then I hear God whisper in my ear - I am here. I have it under control. I know what I am doing. This is the next adventure. 


This morning I read the following blog entry on http://www.incourage.me . Before reading you should know that this writer Heather 's daughter was born needing a heart transplant and with Autism. She died when she was 9. Heather herself has had a brain tumour. 


We all have had hard “things” in our lives. My “thing” is no greater or less than your “thing”. My hurts are no greater or less than your hurts. Yet, what we do with those “things” and those “hurts” can define us here on earth.

When Mark and I were told about Emma before she was born, our decisions determined the path her life would take. When Mark and I found out that I had brain cancer, our decisions determined the path our families lives would take. When our family was told that Emma would not come home, our decision determined the path her body would take.

Yet the Lord’s will never changed. He was not alarmed nor was He shaken by the paths that He already had planned for our little lives down here.

I had a really hard time with this after the decision was made to turn off the machines. I doubted myself. I doubted my love for Emma. But then a friend asked me one simple question: “Heather, when you turned them off, did she live?” It wasn’t up to me whether she lived or died, God had numbered her days even before she was born. If it wasn’t her time, she would have still been breathing after the machines stopped. It took me a long time to come to that realization and accept the fact that I did the best thing for my daughter.

God never lost control. He never lost his breath. He never shook his head and said “what now”.

“We have been called according to His purpose.” -Romans 8:28

Not our purpose. Not our wants or desires. Not our selfish plans.

His.

We are never outside of His plan for our lives. So when those hard questions come, and trust me they will come, remember that we are never given over to “random chance” by our Creator. He is conforming and molding us into His likeness. He is refining our hearts, and with refining there comes pain and suffering.

We see the back of the tapestry with all of the knots and strings… He is in the front making His masterpiece out of our lives. In Romans, Peter says “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us“. God is going to reveal glory in His children. He is going to turn our mourning into gladness. He will wipe every tear from our eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain.

When the storms come, and questions run rampant in your hearts, where will you hide? Will you hide in fear and hopelessness, doubting that that the one who holds the entire universe in the palm of his hand does not care about you; or will you take refuge in His sovereign plan for your life, hiding in His loving arms until the storm passes and you are able to stand up again.

You will have questions, you will have doubt, you will be angry.

It is what you do with those things that will determine your future stability and well being.

Where will you hide? Heather 

This is the reason I can trust him. I am never outside of His plan even if I am outside my own! Here again is the reminder of the tapestry with its knots and strings. (When God wants to tell you something he often finds lots of ways to say the same thing - until you listen!!!!!!) So here I stand - right where he wants me - trusting that he knows the plan! 

I had a little unplanned visit to the GP yesterday. I have been having pain in my chest for a couple of days. So I went to have an ECG. This showed that my heart remains enlarged (Left ventricular hypertrophy) due to the anaemia, high blood pressure  or the dialysis or maybe all three  but no other changes. We were thankful for  such quick assessment and very thankful for the outcome. I have such a lovely GP. 

Chloe popped home yesterday (because she can). It was really lovely to see her and hear about her day. She is working in paediatrics this week.  

Josh had his wallet stolen on Sunday but thankfully had it returned to the police - intact apart from his train ticket - which was later also handed into the police . He and Debs have found a flat in London, in Golders Green and will be moving end of July. It will be lovely to have them a bit nearer but sad for them to leave all their lovely friends in Brighton. 

Today I am helping a friend sort. 

p.s. I have no idea why some of this is in white!