Recently I have had sudden thoughts of - how did I get here? How did all this happen? I think it is part of the 'getting better' process. I don't think about being ill all the time and sometimes forget all about it and then it all comes flooding back and I am so surprised. At times it now feels like it has been a very bad dream and I will wake and it will all be back to how it used to be, although my body shows me by the scars I carry that it isn't. On Sunday it will be 2 years since I had my surgery and all visible signs of cancer were cut away. I suppose some of this process is a grieving for my old life and learning to accept this new life., although I am still able to do more now than a couple of months ago. I really miss working and especially the people I worked with but I am coming to terms with the fact that I will never be able to work again. I am filling my days now and this week ahead is very busy which is great. I even now have to write lists of what to do each day to get everything done (that is just like the old days). I do love this new life with so much variety in each day. Chronic illness is hard to come to terms with though because it is always going to be with you and its effects will always need to be taken into account. My fingers are never going to be straight again and my joints will always ache, I think I will always feel sick in the mornings and my blood pressure will always be an issue. I am never going to climb mountains not even little ones and even some flights of stairs are tricky. I will always wake many times at night and need to rest in the middle of the day when possible. But I can do so much more now than I could and my life is so full of good things. I am learning to be content with the here and now  - slowly and as always I am grateful for the journey. 

I am hoping to do a post on suffering this week with a link to an excellent sermon that our vicar Julian preached this Sunday. 

This week 

• Cameo - tea with older people
• coffee with friends
• Ben's school concert - so excited to be going 
• shopping 
• preparation for a party 
• helping a friend sort
• haircut (so that I can see from under my fringe)
• Lunch with bible study ladies and our mission partner Glenys 
• preparing for a new venture a church (running a bookstall)
• Church book club 
• Flowers at church 
• Cooking for lunch and party 
• party 
• launch of bookstall 

A really busy, lovely week. You can see why I need lists!