Am I ready for a new year?

I have been looking back on this last year and contemplating the year to come. Last year at this time I was hoping for a year of good health and a return to work. Who could have foreseen what this year had to bring us! I am thankful that I can't see ahead but can just have 'enough light for the step I'm on'. This step is enough for me now and I will let the creator of the world order the rest of my days. He promises to go ahead of me and prepare the way and I will trust that He has the best plans for me. Sometimes when I look too far ahead I get scared and that is when I know I have stopped trusting. Early on in this journey I learnt that trust and fear can't walk together - and I have the choice as to which way I walk. So I step into 2011 with just enough light for the day ahead. I will continue to look for joy in each day and hope that you will be able to continue this journey with me. Thank you for being my friends and helping to make this journey so much easier.

Yesterday went well and I am all planned! I now have 5 tattoos - not in a butterfly shape unfortunately just little black dots. I am ready for the treatment to start on 14th January.

We are looking for people to be able to help out with lifts. I will be having 12 sessions on the following dates at about 11-11.30 ish leaving here at 10.30. The treatment should take about 20 minutes all being well. If you can offer to do 1 or 2 sessions that would be wonderful and would help greatly. Please let me know - email anne@thewhitefamilysite.org.uk or give me a ring. Thank You so much

14th January

17th January

19th January

21st January

24th January

26th January

28th January

31st January

2nd February

4th February

7th February

9th February

I am still trying to think of things to look forward to in Jan and Feb that don't involve lots of energy as I think I will be quite tired with hospital visits 6 times a week! I am not looking forward to Josh and Chloe going back at the weekend. It has been so lovely to have the house full again although I won't miss the mess!!

Today is dialysis again. Hopefully anti-sickness tablet will help again.

Another visit to Royal Berks today - maybe to have my radiotherapy planned (if I can get my arm up high enough). I am hoping that we can get on with that.

Yesterdays dialysis went ok. I saw the Consultant who came to look at the line that had slipped. Thankfully it has returned to its original place. They have placed a stac lock onto the lines again to help maintain its position. She also recommended that I had an anti-sickness tablet while having dialysis. We tried that yesterday and yippee I had no sickness afterwards. Hopefully this will be the answer. We had toad-in-the-hole for tea and I ate it all. Well done me!!!

Dialysis again today - yucky! Paul says this sums today up! I am feeling much better today - no paracetamol but know that I will be feeling yuck again this evening after dialysis. it is hard to keep going.

However I have my house full of family and a beautiful kitten who is now called Papageno. He brings us so much joy and laughter. He is into everything - trying to help with whatever we are doing. Chloe is making a very beautiful patchwork quilt and the kitten is very helpful with the sewing machine lead, the iron, the cutting board, the laying out of the pieces - so much to help with!

My thoughts keep returning to the next few months and the treatment ahead. It is so hard to be patient and wait to be well. I know that the road ahead is still quite long and as ever I am impatient with the journey. Thankfully I know that Jesus walks ahead of me preparing the way.

I am trying to think of things to look forward to in January and February - hard as most of my time will be spent in the hospital. I think a list is necessary!!!

And that was Christmas! All that planning and then it is over! Thankfully my house is still full of people which I love.

Dialysis was ok yesterday as Joy, Matt, Adam and Talia came and met me. We got into trouble for having too many people! They had to take turns!

Unfortunately the line for dialysis is slipping again. This means I may have to have it redone. This was a very unpleasant experience and one I don't want again. Please can you pray it settles down again. If it is still out of place on Tuesday they will get a Dr. to look at it.

I was sick again yesterday and had a yucky evening feeling poorly. Thankfully I feel better again today. My body is struggling to get over this cold and cough. I think I have very few resources to fight bugs at the moment.

Today will be a quiet day to recover from the business of the last few days.

What a lovely day! My girlie cooked lunch brilliantly for 15 people. Not many 21 year olds can do that and not get hassled. (well not many people can cook Christmas lunch for that many and not get hassled) Everything worked very well and lunch was delicious. I looked around the table so grateful for my lovely family. There were some tearful moments and a little bit of thinking about the future but on the whole it was a joyful day. It was lovely to see the children all interacting and playing together - who doesn't want to make lip balm or be a spy and break codes!

I am struggling today with the thought of dialysis. I wish I could have a holiday from dialysis but hey ho that is what I need to be doing. Chloe and Paul are coming with me so I am sure we will play chequers and have a picnic! Hopefully we shall come back to my perfect Boxing day meal of cold turkey, ham, salad and jacket potatoes. Maybe I will keep that down unlike all my meals yesterday!

Happy Boxing Day to you all!

Well here I am in a silent house - not a creature is stirring not even a pussy cat! We seem to have arrived at Christmas day with a bump! Hopefully not too many things have been forgotten.

I am looking forward to seeing all my sisters and brother today and spending my birthday together.

I wish you all a very happy Christmas day.

So Christmas has arrived. I am so grateful i don't need to have dialysis for 2 days now. I was a very poorly girl last night after dialysis - sick and high temperature. But this morning I am feeling better and hopefully will improve over the day.

Tonight we are off to Joys for a family meal and then everyone here tomorrow. There is much to do before going to Joys as I haven't done anything over the last few days. Hopefully everyone here will help out. The kitten will certainly help - he is into everything, especially wrapping paper!

Our best wishes to you all for a happy, healthy and peaceful Christmas. Thank you to all of you who have sent cards and letters it has been so lovely to hear all your news.

Still thankful for paracetamol! Temperature going up and down. Hoping this is last day and will feel better tomorrow. I am not sleeping very well either but glad for my warm bed. I have rather a long list to get done now before Saturday. But I have finished the cards and they have stamps on them - they just have to reach the post box now! Paul is going shopping and Matt is taking me to dialysis. I have dialysis today and then not til boxing day.

Josh comes home today so we will all be here and Christmas can start! We are having 15 to lunch on Christmas day - all being well. Thankfully Josh and Chloe are good cooks and can help with everything.

Someone has kindly shared their germs with me! I have temperature, cough, sickness etc.... Yucky! I suppose I have done well to stay away from germs for so long. I am grateful for paracetamol though. And a little kitten to keep me company. Chloe and Paul are going up to London to the ballet at the Royal Opera House.

I didn't manage to go to party last night as I started being sick when I came back from dialysis. I hope they had a lovely time. I was sad to miss it.

So today brings a duvet day and paracetamol! Hopefully be better by Saturday.

Awake early this morning. Lots of thoughts going through my head. I have had a bit more energy again following the blood I was given last week and can glimpse life going back to normal again one day but it is still a long way off. This has been a long haul, I have been ill now for nearly 18 months and long for my life back. I am impatient at times and wish for this to all be a dream I can wake up from. It would be lovely to have days when I didn't think about illness at all. But this is where I am and I need to be reminded of all that I have got to be grateful for.

Today brings dialysis with Chloe. And hopefully a party afterwards at a friends house if I have enough energy and its not too icy. Only 2 more sleeps and I will have all my chicks in the nest! There is much to be grateful for.

Sorry for the late post today. I am on a go slow! I am so happy not to have to go to dialysis today.

Last night we went to the lovely carol service at church with Chloe and Ed. Great to focus on the real meaning of Christmas and seeing past all the commercialism.

Our cards remain unsent as we have run out of ink for the printer - the new one is in a safe place we just can't remember where that safe place is!!! At least they are written and will be sent soon. Just a few more presents to go and then present wrapping.

The kitten is settling in well and developing a routine. We all love him.

So grateful we managed to get to and from dialysis yesterday. The snow came down heavily in the morning. Paul stayed with me and Chloe stayed at home looking after the kitten. Some patients didn't manage to get to the hospital. It is scary to think of the consequences of not going. We would appreciate your prayers for the next few days.

We now have a new baby visiting us. Ben has bought a pygmy hedgehog for his girlfriend for Christmas and he arrived this morning after a night in a service station with his owners. He is so beautiful - hopefully pictures later. His name is Timothy.

We are off to have a cooked breakfast now - hope you are all warm and snug in your houses.

Quite concerned by the white day outside my window. Paul hates driving in the snow - but I need dialysis. Could do without this!

We had a lovely day yesterday. Lunch was great with the ladies. We do food well! It is lovely having Chloe home - she is great company and enjoys sitting in my nest with me just chatting. The kitten is loving having lots of people around to love him and play with him. He is getting more adventurous now and getting into mischief.

I am so glad that fear doesn't rule my life. I have been reading about ladies who have breast cancer and for so many of them fear controls their days. I am so grateful that God has lifted that from me.

My hair is growing fast but disappointedly it is coming back grey. Ho hum! I would have liked to be a red head for a bit longer. Still there is always dye!!!!

We are becoming a home full of illness! Ben has a yucky cold and Chloe arrived home from uni yesterday also with a cold. So I am getting out the hand gel!

Today the ladies are coming for lunch. I am looking forward to seeing them.

Christmas seems to be creeping ever nearer - and I am not at all ready. Although I bought my cards ages ago they still haven't managed to arrive at the post box! How easy it is to loose sight of the real meaning of Christmas in all the busyness.

My love to all my work friends as they finish school today. Hope your Christmas days are full of joy.

lovely evening yesterday - good food and great company. We finished our bible study on church which has been very thought provoking. How often we fail. It has challenged my thinking on lots of levels.

We are off today to a meeting at Ben's school and then dialysis.

I am looking forward to tomorrow when we have ladies group lunch here - weather permitting and Chloe comes home (bringing her cold to join Ben's) for the holidays. Paul starts his 2 week break - yippee Christmas starts here!! Although we DO NOT NEED ANY MORE SNOW!!!

Lovely start to the day - sitting in bed with kitten and Ben chatting. Glad I haven't had to go to work today in the cold.

The scan yesterday (which we waited over an hour for) showed that my fistula starts off well and then divides. They have decided to put in a tube and blow it up! There is a waiting list so not sure when this will happen.

Today brings tidying, cooking and house group meal here this evening.

Having some more blood on Thursday so I will be full of beans for Christmas!!!

Yesterday didn't quite go as planned. I arrived for planning and got changed and then they decided that I haven't got enough movement in my arm yet! So I need to go back in just over 2 weeks. I was quite glad as it means I don't need to start until after Christmas. So my friend G and I went for coffee instead.

Today I am going to have my fistula scanned. Hopefully that will all go to plan and they will be able to decide what to do next. I will then go on to have dialysis.

I am sitting in bed with a little kitten fast asleep in the crook of my arm. He was so pleased to see us this morning and has been purring ever since. He is beginning to see us as safe places to retreat to when there are loud noises instead of rushing into his cardboard box!

Today I have planning for radiotherapy. It will be very strange to be back in the radiotherapy department after nearly 25 years.

I am still looking for a lift tomorrow morning if anyone can help let me know.

Our time is no longer our own - it belongs to a tiny little ball of fluff!! He arrived and was very scared - that hasn't lasted long. He is now exploring all aspects of our lounge and we are hurriedly making it kitten proof. He has chewed through the wires for our lights and pulled off one of the keys on my keyboard all within the first 24 hours! He still retreats to his cardboard box at any loud or unexpected noise. He is using the box despite having a very nice fluffy basket! We love him. I hoping to take some photos today so look out for those tomorrow.

Today I am having a quiet day at home to prepare for the busy week ahead and to recover from the previous few days excitement. It was lovely to spend dialysis with Debz and Josh yesterday. This week I must finish writing my cards - which I started weeks ago! and finish the Christmas shopping most of which has been done on line thankfully.

Tomorrow I go to radiotherapy for planning for my treatment. I am hoping they don't say I must start before Christmas.

I may need a lift on Tuesday morning to the hospital at about 10.50 if any one can help that would be wonderful. Thank you

He is here! Our lovely little black kitten arrived last night. He spent most of the time curled up in someone arms. This morning he has found his voice and is beginning to explore. He is so beautiful and we all love him. He remains nameless as we can't agree on one. He may end up being called cat!!

I had a wonderful day yesterday. Lovely friends for coffee, great bible study and catching up. Then collecting the kitten and going out for a meal. I had the most wonderful evening with my work colleagues the food was great and the company perfect. I am the luckiest girl to work with such a wonderful team.

Today - much playing with kitten then dialysis with Josh and Debz and more wonderful strictly.

Hi all - its Friday - yippee! Hopefully we are going to pick up our kitten from the foster carer when Paul gets back from work. I can't wait! We are ready with new basket(which he probably won't sleep in), new litter tray, new bowls and new scratching post. We still haven't chosen a name, hopefully we will think of one when we have him here.

Also tonight is our work Christmas party - I am looking forward to it although as ever hoping I have enough energy to cope. This afternoon is bible study and friends for coffee this morning. A busy day - full of lovely things.

Josh comes home this evening so I am looking forward to seeing him and spending time with him. What a joy to have children that are so supportive.

Here is the new member of our family. He is coming to live with us on Friday evening - we can't wait. He is a beautiful 9 week old full of character. What fun! We are thinking of names now - all suggestions welcome. In the picture he is snuggled in my hand.

The nativity at school yesterday was wonderful. It was called 'whoops a daisy angel'. I especially loved the little girl who pulled up her dress to readjust her knickers! How wonderful to be 5 and so unconcerned about the audience!

Today brings shopping and dialysis. I am hoping to get a new pair of shoes for tomorrow evenings Christmas meal with work. I am so looking forward to going out again.

What a dark grey, day! I am so looking forward to going to the school nativity this afternoon. I haven't been into school for quite a while so I will be very pleased to see everyone. Then we are going to see the kitten later. Hopefully we will love him and he will become part of our family at the weekend.

I was proper poorly last night after dialysis - not sure what is going on as I have now been very sick after the last 3 dialysis sessions - yucky.

I am trying to eat better to put on weight before I loose it again with the next lot of chem. My weight is stable but I don't seem to be able to put it on again. Eating is still not my favourite thing.

So we settle down for a bit longer (see previous blog for details from oncologist) . I have now got my head around more chemo and having no hair for Josh's wedding. The good news was the results from the surgery - lots of dead cancer cells and no capsule involvement in the nodes.

We are off to look at a little black kitten tomorrow evening. If we love him he can come and live with us at the weekend. Yippee!

Today dialysis and D.

Deep breath - we would like you to have more chemo. Ho hum!

I saw the oncologist this morning and they have decided I need to have 4 more chemos after the radiotherapy. This will be a different drug which is currently not licensed in England although it is licensed in Scotland and Wales. We therefore have to apply to the PCT who will turn down the appeal and we will then have to apply to the special fund set up recently by the government. This will take time. So while we wait for that I will have the radiotherapy - planning just before Christmas to start straight afterwards. This will take a month - 3 times a week Monday, Wednesday and Friday with dialysis Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday! I will be practically living at the hospital! The chemo will then start after that and will last 3- 4months. Unfortunately I will loose my hair again so won't have hair for Josh's wedding - ho hum!

The reason for more chemo is not because they know I have cancer anywhere else but as a precaution. There is not very much evidence of chemo before surgery and whether it is enough on its own. So I need to do this.

I took a deep breath and then said Ok lets do it! So there we are another 5-6 months to go.

Thankfully I know that God is in control of all of this and He will walk beside me all the way.

Please pray for my family as I tell them

Start of the new week and I am hoping it will be better than last week. I am recovering slowly but continue to be frustrated by the lack of speed! I want to be normal again - whatever that means. I think I will have to settle for a new normal. I have learnt so many things about myself and others over the last 6 months. Today I have an appointment with the oncologist to discuss radiotherapy. Hopefully the last leg of this journey. Then I will really see what normal is like when that is finished.

I continue to look for joy in each day and thankfully there is usually much to be grateful for even on the blackest days. Not least that I am unconditionally loved by the creator of the world who is interested in all aspects of my life. Who answers my prayers - not always as I would like but always as I need!

This week (all being well) brings hospital appointment, dialysis, nativity, bible study and meal out with work. Nicely busy!

Happy Monday to you all!

What a lovely evening. JUST perfect. I am so glad I managed to go. Chloe and I really enjoyed the crafts, the wonderful atmosphere, the talk and the company. Thank you to everyone involved in making a magical evening and especially to A. I am exhausted today but glad I went. I also have some lovely things to put on my tree.

I am hoping that this week is a more positive week. My apologies for my moaning last week.

Dialysis was Ok yesterday although I was sick again when I got in the car. Chloe is thinking it maybe because they are using an old machine which is not so gentle. It was lovely to have Kit with us and we caught up on news.

Today brings a gentle day to recover from yesterday.

Listening to Christmas songs as I write this. So glad to be part of a lovely family. Chloe arrived home safely last night and Kitty is hoping to pop into dialysis on her way to friends. I am really looking forward to the craft evening tonight.

Yesterday didn't turn out quite as expected as ladies from bible study were all busy apart from C who came for coffee. I felt quite grumpy for most of the day just frustrated that I can't be doing more. But ho hum healing takes a while! This week feels like it has been taken up with hospitals and illness. Hopefully next week will be a bit better.

Well we managed to get to dialysis and back again safely. Thank you for your phone calls, messages and offers of help. Paul brought his laptop and dongle and worked from the dialysis unit! At least it was cosy and warm.

Today brings ladies who lunch and bible study. And all being well Chloe home. Tomorrow we are going to our church craft evening which I am SO looking forward to. Please could you pray that I have enough energy to cope after dialysis. I haven't attempted to go out after dialysis for a long time - ho hum!

I hope to bring our Christmas tree inside today - I do love twinkly lights and decorations.

My wound is healing nicely although there is a bit more pain as the feeling returns. I am so glad that box is ticked. I now have a soft covering of downy hair.

I am sitting here with Ben looking out on the beautiful snow feeling worried about getting to dialysis. I could do without weather difficulties just now!

This is a picture of Talia, Chloe and I on Sunday at Josh and Debz party.

My hospital appointment went well yesterday. The consultant was pleased with how I was healing and felt the little gap will heal on its own. 7 out of 24 lymph nodes had cancer in them and they removed all the main lump with margins. I have an appointment with the oncologist on Monday to discuss the radiotherapy.

On that note I am in need of a lift to hospital and back again on Monday. My appointment is at 9.50 at Royal Berks. Paul has a work commitment. If you are available and can help please let me know. Thank you!

Very, very grey day today but thankfully no snow.

Hospital appointment at 10.00 today. Glad to be having wound checked as it is still oozing. The feeling is now coming back to my arm and side slowly. Feels quite strange as it does.

Hoping to bring the Christmas tree in today. I can't believe it is a year since we bought it. This year has held so much and yet seems to have gone so quickly.

Yesterdays dialysis went well. I enjoyed the company of 2 lovely ladies and we chatted for the whole time catching up. I love hearing about peoples lives.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be. Psalm 139

I am so grateful that God is in charge of my days. He has numbered them and they are in his hands. I don't need to be anxious or frightened.

Snow - mmmmm. Hopefully it will be clearer by the time I need to go to dialysis. It is a concern that we get snowed in as I can't miss many dialysis sessions without become very ill. Please can you pray that we don't get snowed in.

My hospital visit went well yesterday although I do have an area of my scar which is oozing. Hopefully this will clear up by itself and won't need stitching. I have my follow up appointment tomorrow at 10.00 and will get the pathology results and the surgeon will check everything is healing correctly.

We are waiting for a phone call from the cat protection who have checked our house and now will let us know when we can visit some kittens to chose one. Hurrah! We are all set up for a kitten and very excited to be having a new member of our family.

Yesterday was wonderful. Everything seemed to go very well. The food was yummy and the company great. Everyone got on well and the house was full of chatting and lego making! By the end of the day I was a tired but happy bunny!

Today the house feels very quiet. Thankfully only 3 weeks and everyone will be home again for Christmas. Hurrah!

I am off to the hospital this morning to get my wound checked. It is a bit oozy. This involves leaving at 8 for a 9.00 clinic. Ho hum!

Lovely day yesterday filled with laughter. We had a wonderful thanksgiving meal.

Today brings engagement party. Not sure how we are all going to fit in our house! It will be cosy. I am looking forward to spending time with Debz's family and sharing the excitement we feel about the wedding.

I am off to start the cooking hopefully with the rest of the household soon!

Our busy weekend has begun. Josh and Chloe arrived home last night. Debz and Dan arrive today. We shall have a full house - lovely. I love the noise and the chaos that happens when everyone is here.

Dialysis with Josh, Debz and Chloe - lovely. We will probably get into trouble for making too much noise!

Then home for a turkey supper - thanksgiving for all that we have. Josh, Chloe, Debz and Dan then out for a celebration with friends.

19 for lunch tomorrow - yippee!

What a beautiful morning - although I am very grateful to be looking at it from my warm bed!

I am gearing up for a busy weekend, hoping I will have enough energy to enjoy it. Chloe and Josh come home this evening. Tomorrow we will be joined by one of Josh's friends who I am looking forward to meeting. We will be trying to get the house into some sort of order before Sunday when there will be 19 of us for lunch to celebrate Josh and Debz engagement whilst also having dialysis. mmmmmm I am looking forward to the weekend greatly.

Today I am seeing a friend for coffee and hoping to direct some cooking!!!

The healing of my surgery continues nicely. I managed to sleep slightly on my side last night - much more comfortable.

We continue with the thanksgiving theme as it is Thanksgiving in America today. At the weekend I will have my family with me so we have bought a turkey to celebrate. I am so grateful for the way the children have dealt with all this, standing alongside us as we travel this journey. It hasn't been easy and I am aware it has shaped their lives significantly. But I am so proud of them.

Yesterday was a bit of a non day. I was very frustrated that I am not better. But when I read others experience of mastectomies I realised that I am doing very well. It is just hard to start getting better after chemo and then be back to feeling sick again and not having the energy to do what I want to do. I am in a better place today.

I saw a friend yesterday from school and it was lovely to hear news from there. I am missing school and looking forward to being able to go back. I am hoping to go in to visit next week.

Happy Thanksgiving to all

Beautiful scene outside my bedroom window of the early morning light and the moon. I so appreciate the world we live in and the time to observe it. Life is wonderful.

Yesterdays dialysis went well. I managed to earn some money while lying there! I filled in a questionnaire about drug packaging which was great fun and filled in some of the time.

I am so wanting to be well and feeling impatient this morning that I don't have more energy to get on with things. However I continue to be amazed at the lack of pain and so thankful. It aches and I have twinges but it is fine.

There is just a bit of sunshine peeping through the clouds as I look out of the window. I continue to look for joy in each day. How precious our days are - we shouldn't take them forgranted.

Yesterdays hospital appointment went well. My breast care nurse is pleased with the progress I am making. I have good movement in my arm so far and the wound is healing nicely. Sleeping is still a bit tricky as it is hard to get comfy but it is improving slowly.

We went to Pets at home and Tescos after our hospital visit. I think that was a little too adventurous as I was sick as soon as I reached the car. That seems to be a sign from my body to stop!

We were so excited to be going to choose the kitten last night but unfortunately we had a phone call to say that the kittens had cat flu. Ho hum! So we are now on the hunt for kittens.

If any ladies are going into Reading this week could you let me know as I am in need of something.

Dialysis with D today.

This week is thanksgiving and I am thankful for so many things. I thought I would make a list. Maybe you might like to think of all you are grateful for this week.

• The God who holds my hand through thick and thin
• my wonderful family
• my fantastic friends
• my church
• my cosy home
• my work - so supportive
• the dialysis nurses who make me feel so welcome
• the surgeon who did such a good job
• the nurses on the ward who looked after me so well
• my oncologist
• my rheumatologist
• warm blankets
• Autumn leaves and sunshine
• my Kindle
• my nest!
• twinkly lights
• my card wall
• butterflies which surround me
• my hats
• my hair returning
• my PJs
• my bed
• books and book clubs
• bible study group
• housegroup
• yummy cakes made by friends
• Chinese chequers
• coffee in the morning

There are so many things which make my life a happy place. I am truly thankful.

Today brings lots of excitement. We are going to look at a kitten who may come and live with us. More about that tomorrow - all being well. I am also off to the hospital to have the wound checked. It is feeling ok. Not too sore at all and I am getting more movement each day. I am looking forward to being able to sleep on that side again. Hopefully they will refer me to the physio next week so that they can sort out my scapula which pops out when I move my arms. It doesn't hurt but I am thinking it might after a while.

I am making plans for next Sunday when we are having an engagement lunch for Josh and Debz. Hopefully I will have enough energy to enjoy it.

I hope your week is full of thanksgiving.

I am very happy to be home sitting in my bed and writing to you all. I am not in any pain which is wonderful. Just aching a bit. I am a beautiful colour purple all down my side which matches my pjs!

In dialysis yesterday I managed to drop my blood pressure so was a bit poorly for a while. Thankfully it passes quickly once they give you back fluid. It was good to be back on my normal dialysis days and to see familiar faces again. I had missed them.

Today I will be taking everything slowly and enjoying being home. Tomorrow I have to go back to RBH to get the wound checked and possibly to have fluid drained. It is good to have my girlie with me.

Well here I am sitting in my nest at home feeling very happy. I have had a successful time in hospital. Everything went very smoothly apart from a little hiccup with a nerve. I was first on the list on Thursday and went to sleep while chatting with the very friendly anaesthetist. I woke to a lovely Christian nurse who I had spent some time with a couple of weeks ago. I quickly woke up and was sent back to the ward. I have had very little pain and my arm movement is already good. I have been on a ward with lovely chatty people who have made the adventure so much easier. The staff have been very supportive and cared for me so nicely. I am glad that I can now tick this box.

I am looking forward to sleeping in my own bed tonight as sleep was rare over the last 2 nights.

Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts and prayers

Paul here again. Anne is well, bruises starting to appear now, but should be home this evening after dialysis, provided she has stopped "leaking" (I'm sure theres a more technical term, but she has 2 tubes to take away excess fluid from around the cut). The surgeon caught a nerve during the operation, which will affect her scapula, and require physiotherapy. Kit and Chloe spent the afternoon with her yesterday, and are coming back today.

UPDATE: Anne has been told she can come home today. "Drains" to be removed this morning.

Paul writing: Anne went into theatre at 8:30 this morning, and texted a few minutes ago, saying that she was awake, "bit sore but fine." Thanks for many messages and prayers.

I am sitting writing this in dialysis. I have come in on the early shift - very different bunch of people. They are much more chatty and awake. I was also given breakfast so have had cornflakes to start my day today.

I am hoping to see a friend this afternoon all being well. Then packing my bag ready for tomorrow.

I had a lovely evening with the girlies at the first church book club. It was lovely to be out in the evening. I felt a bit like a naughty child who has escaped from home!!! I even had a tiny glass of wine with my cheese - yummy.

I probably won't have time to post tomorrow morning but will ask Paul to post in the evening. I am going in at 7.30 and hoping to be first on the list.

Woke this morning feeling slightly anxious about Thursday. So many things seem to have gone wrong over the last year. Gave myself a talking to and chatted with Paul and now back to a trusting position. All things in His hands.

Yesterdays dialysis went well. C took me and stayed and we chatted. Also a lovely friend arrived unexpectedly. It was so great to see him and catch up on all his news. The blood transfusion went without a hitch and I left the unit looking decidedly pinker!

The nurses have been commenting on how lucky I am to have so many friends. It was strange to go to dialysis on a different day and see the other half of dialysis who go Mon, Wed, Fri. There was a very young chap there which reminded me how awful it is to be young and need dialysis.

Today brings friends, tidying and church book club this evening all being well. I am really looking forward to going out in the evening.

As I write I am being serenaded by my boy playing the piano - lovely start to the day.

I am thinking about so many things this morning. I wanted to say a huge thank you to you all for being on this journey with me. This is a quote from The Four Loves, by C.S. Lewis. “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.” I so appreciate the fact that you still walk this path with me despite the length of time and the many gifts of time that you give to me. Also the cakes, biscuits, flowers and butterflies that make our lives so wonderful. Thank you!

My news for today is that my hair has started to grow. It is tiny, tiny tufts but it is there. Yippee! I am hoping it will come back auburn not grey! However much I have disliked being a red head over the years it is still who I am. The patients in dialysis have never seen me with hair - how strange is that!

Yesterday I went to church. So lovely to see everyone. J preached a great sermon. It reminded me how much I am loved by the creator of the world. So loved that He gave his only son for me.

I am feeling that this blog is becoming a food diary! It shows how important food is! I do think about food quite a lot! Still looking forward to easting normally but getting there slowly. Yesterday we had roast gammon and I made a rhubarb crumble which was yummy.

Today brings dialysis with C and a blood transfusion. Thursday draws ever closer. My bag is nearly packed - new jamas and knickers! Better than last time when I had nothing at all with me. Hopefully I won't be in very long.

I hope you all have happy Mondays.

Good dialysis yesterday with Paul. He managed to sit for most of the time! Joy popped in for the last hour which was lovely. I read a lovely cookery book. The time passed quickly.

Today - church and roast gammon for lunch. All being well.

This is my 194 th post - wow. So much writing about a very boring life!

Lovely day yesterday with the girlies. Cooked a yummy sausage casserole from Jamie's 30 minute menus. T took some skirts to alter so they don't fall off me! Then a lovely chat with Debz and Josh about the wedding. We have a date 9th July in Brighton where they live and go to church. So excited! It is the thing I will think about as I go to sleep during operation next week.

Today Paul is coming to dialysis with me. He rarely comes as you all help so much. He will bring his laptop and do some work and I will watch little house on the prairie.

Its Friday again - how did that happen? Even though I am at home a lot the weeks seem to be going by very quickly. I will be glad when it is next Friday though as I will then be recovering and ticking that box!

Yesterdays dialysis went by so quickly. R came and we chatted and put the world to rights. We played a quick game of Chinese chequers R beat me. I haven't managed to beat her yet (she taught Chloe and I how to play). Then T came and met me and brought me home. We so appreciate everyone who gives up their time to give me lifts as it makes Paul's life so much easier.

I had a trip to Wokingham Library yesterday, before dialysis, which was lovely. It is good to get out before dialysis otherwise it feels like that is all I do on dialysis days. I came back with lots of books to look at - yummy.

Today is lunch and bible study. Looking forward to seeing the lovely ladies. We continue to study about the church which has challenged us all to think about what is church. It has been an interesting study.

Theresa is coming early to have a look at my skirts and see if she can fix them so that they don't fall down around my ankles when I wear them!!!

Have a happy Friday

Yesterday I made beef casserole ( managed to fill the house with smoke) with dumplings ; served it and ate it! Yippee- it was yummy. Food is beginning to taste much better almost like it should. I just need to have a bigger stomach to fit food in as I quickly become full.

Woke this morning to a singing boy - a lovely sound.

Today brings dialysis with 2 friends, one to take me and the other to meet me later and a game of Chinese chequers.

1 week until surgery. I will be glad to have it done.

So grey day followed by sunshine! It looks like a beautiful morning.

I have a plan now for next week. I am going to have dialysis on Monday with C (and a blood transfusion), Tuesday seeing a friend and book club in the evening, Wednesday dialysis with D, Thursday surgery, Friday recovery, Saturday dialysis and all being well home. I am to have a red arm band to remind them to protect my fistula. I will be glad when it is Saturday and I am home and I can then tick that box!

Today - quiet day. Some sewing, cooking, tidying.............

What a wet, grey day! I need to remind myself about my previous post about grey days!

Yesterday I managed to tidy my desk and found my cards in a safe place! That is about all I achieved. I continue to struggle with energy levels as my blood drops again. It is feeling like a long haul now. I just want to be better - knowing that the operation will knock me back a bit. I want to return to work and my life return to normal. I am ok really just frustrated.

Today I have dialysis with D. I am sure we will discuss weddings and clothes and hats etc....

Thank you to everyone who has sent congratulations to Josh and Debz. We are all very excited and delighted for them both. On this wet, windy day it is lovely to think about a summer wedding.

Yesterday was a bit of a nothing day as I was so tired. It is frustrating not to be able to do more. Still impatient that I can't do more. My blood is dropping again so I am getting more exhausted quicker. Ho hum!

Hoping to tackle my desk today as it is such a mess. We have a variety of dumping grounds and that is one of them. Over the months it has become piled high! I have also lost the Christmas cards I bought early - mm shows it isn't always good to be organised. Hoping they are in the pile! The Christmas shopping is coming on well - hoping to get most of it done this week so that I have finished except for the childrens by the time I go into hospital.

I am almost completely hairless now - just a couple of eyebrows left. Luckily being fair it isn't too noticeable.

Hope you all have good weeks.

I am exhausted after a few busy days. So today a quiet day at home - chillin! Josh is ringing later to discuss details - wow! It is lovely to have something so exciting to look forward to. I am hoping to have hair by next summer!

Lovely time with my brother yesterday. It is wonderful to have time to sit and chat with few distractions. The girls were full of news which was great. They had hardly got in the door before telling us all about their new kittens, birthday parties and school. I love their chatter. Lila read to me for the first time and she read beautifully.

Lovely evening as well - we were greeted by twinkling lights when we came back from dialysis. Paul had bought some lovely lights for our lounge- all sparkling. We then watched strictly with candles and sparkly lights and chilli I had cooked earlier- perfect.

I am SO excited - my boy has got engaged to his lovely girlfriend Debz. He proposed last night at the fireworks. I am going to be a mother-in-law! I can't quite get my head around the fact that I have a son old enough to be married. Wow! How lovely to have a wedding to look forward to.

A busy but lovely day yesterday. I went shopping to M&S and had coffee out. Then lunch with the ladies and bible study in the afternoon and my girlie came home. I also managed to cook tea with Chloe. Just a normal day for most people but for me a great achievement!

Today - much celebrating! my brother is coming with his girls for coffee and then Joy is picking up the girls and Mark is taking Chloe and I to dialysis. Great to have lots of time to talk.

I am looking forward to a busy day today. Shopping with a friend this morning, ladies who lunch coming at lunch time and bible study this afternoon and then Chloe girl home for the weekend. Hopefully a bit of tidying before the ladies arrive. I have moments now when I surprise myself by feeling like me! Well a bald me!

Lovely time with G chatting in dialysis yesterday. It is amazing how much quicker the time goes with friends.

I made tea yesterday - yippee! It is the first meal I have cooked for ages. There was much rejoicing! I also went to Tescos in the morning - admittedly I did spend most of the time in the coffee shop but I did do a little shopping. It is so good doing normal things. I also saw 2 lovely friends yesterday and caught up on their news.

I have been reading in a blog about the reason for grey and it has made me think how important it is to have grey days so that we appreciate colour more. My grey days have made me so grateful for the sunny days like yesterday. Who would have thought I would be so happy to make chicken casserole. I will be even happier when the chicken casserole tastes like chicken casserole!

So today brings dialysis and a friend and maybe a bit more of little house on the prairie.

Hope your day is filled with colour .

Yesterday went well. I had a busy afternoon which began with a nurse on a leadership course spending time with me finding out what dialysis is like for the patient. She was a lovely lady and we chatted away. She is a Christian and we covered so many different topics as we chatted. Then a friend popped in on her way home from a hospital visit. Lastly the breast care nurse came to discuss all things mastectomy. She was so helpful and covered all my questions in a mater of fact manner. I will be in hospital for 2 nights all being well. My dialysis will be changed to Monday and Wednesday that week. I will then have surgery on the Thursday and dialysis on the Saturday before going home. She showed me the prosthesis I will wear after surgery and we discussed bras, exercise etc..... Very helpful. The radiotherapy won't start until after Christmas which is great. It will then be 3 times a week for 4 weeks - and then maybe I will be finished and can get well. I am looking forward to that.

Today brings friends and maybe a bit more tidying.

I did it! I managed to change the duvet cover and sheets on my bed yesterday. I needed a lie down afterwards but I managed. Much rejoicing!!!! I also found Ben's floor under the pile of clothes. It is amazing to think of all I have taken so forgranted in the past and hopefully won't take forgranted in the future. I am really looking forward to cooking again soon. I even dreamt of making scones last night!

Today I am hoping to meet the breast care nurse and discuss the operation and care afterwards. I am feeling fine about it and will be glad when it is done so I can get on with getting well again.

I am looking forward to the weekend as my brother and his girls are coming and Chloe is coming home.

Dialysis today with D. Looking forward to chatting.

Feeling much better today and beginning to feel like the chemo is working its way out of my body.

I had a lovely day yesterday - church with Kit, Paul and Josh. Then lunch at a local pub where our lunch took an hour to arrive and then when it did mine was cold. After complaining a new lunch was brought and our bill cancelled - impressive. I have never sent food back in a restaurant before but cold food is yuck even when it is a child portion!

Today is a pootling day hoping I might have enough energy for a spot of tidying after the weekend. I am hoping that this week I will have more energy for normal mummy stuff. Seeing the Breast care nurse tomorrow - hopefully - to discuss all things mastectomy wise.

Paul is off to London today to see a ballet rehearsal. Wish I was going with him. - Soon hopefully.

Yesterday was lovely. Great to spend time with Kit and Josh together and catch up and then a house full of people for tea. Paul cooked a lovely shepherds pie and apple strudel. His cooking is really coming on. I love my family. Joy bought me the most beautiful tiny cup back from Germany for my morning coffee ( I allow myself 1 cup of coffee 100mls per day). My fluid restriction remains 750mls per day which includes all fluids in food and drinks. It isn't much! I am very strict about it. This means that they don't have to take too much fluid off in dialysis which means that I can continue on 3 times a week and 4 hours each time.

I had my flu jab yesterday and my arm has been slightly sore but thats all. It was very efficiently organised.

Today brings church with Paul, Kit and Josh and then maybe out for lunch. Saville gardens if the weather improves or local pub if not.

I continue to value your thoughts and prayers aware that this is a long journey. Thank you for sticking by me. This week the number of viewings that my blog had had reached 10,000. How amazing to think that 10,000 times people had logged in to see what was happening in my not very exciting life. Thank you all.

It's a beautiful Autumnal day and I am so grateful for new days given by God and full of possibilities. It has seemed a hard week this week but hopefully I am coming through it and out the other side. I am so impatient to be well that sometimes I loose sight of the 'joy in each day'. I take forgranted the many gifts that I am given in each day and forget to say thank you.

I am looking forward to spending today with my family -Josh and Kit this afternoon and then Joy, Matt, Ben, Paul, Josh and Kit at tea time. Then Strictly all together - yummy. But first I need to have a flu jab - ho hum. I am hoping that it will be straight forward and not leave my arm hurting.

So I better go and get dressed.

Hope you all look for joy in this day.

Yesterday was much better than I had thought. We went to see the anaesthetist who was very helpful and then went shopping. Hurrah! Paul took me to Hobby Craft and I bought bits to make for Christmas. I was exhausted after shopping and was sick in the car - luckily not the shop! But it was lovely. In the shop I took my hat off and a little boy saw my bald head and stared for ages. He then rushed round to his Mum and in a very loud voice announced that he had seen a lady with NO hair! She then quickly moved him away. Bless him.

Paul then dropped me at dialysis where I waited for an hour or so for treatment. C came and joined me and we put the world to rights!

The anaesthetist went through all the various concerns that I had. He was very sweet and kept saying 'oh dear you have had a hard time'. Hopefully all will be well. 3 weeks today and it will be over.

Today my big boy comes home. Yippee! And B is coming to do Iris folding.

Yesterday turned out to be a yucky day. I was quite sick most of the day - just when I thought it was going. Hopefully it was the last day like that. So I did nothing for most of the day. Ho hum!

Today I have an appointment at 9.30 with the anaesthetist and then a long gap until dialysis at 12.00. I wish I had more energy and then I could go shopping in the gap.

Sorry I am full of complaints today. I so want to be able to do more and am finding this bit frustrating. As ever I am impatient. You would think I would have learnt patience by now. It is exactly 5 months since my diagnosis today - it feels much longer. I seem to have forgotten what normal is like.

2 weeks post chemo and beginning to eat better. So looking forward to food tasting normal again. My white cells are up and my hb is nearly normal. Dialysis was ok yesterday still waiting to see consultant to decide what to do about fistula.

Today seems to be a snuggling in day. My patchwork is calling me. And preparing for the weekend. Josh and Kit are coming to stay. It will be good to have them here.

Please continue to pray for us as parents that we will be wise in the decisions we make.

Started day early with visit to GP. Then a bit of sorting out so Ben can have a different desk. Now exhausted! I have so little energy hopefully once I am eating better that will improve.

Yesterday I had a lovely trip out to Holme Grange with a friend. It was really lovely to be out and about. I have so missed being independent and look forward to being able to do more normal things.

Today dialysis with D. As ever I am looking forward to catching up.

So yesterday didn't go quite to plan but hey ho! We didn't make it to church as we were just too disorganised. Not like me! But we did make it to M and S later in the day and I had a lovely time shopping. Chloe came to be my escort and push the wheel chair. We went to find a dress for Christmas that I could wear after my surgery. I wanted to do it before the crowds start. We had a lovely time and I have found a lovely dress with just the right neck line. And its purple - perfect. I also bought new jamas for hospital. I had wanted silky ones but they didn't have any front opening ones - and then Joy came last night with a perfect pair so now I have 2 lovely new pairs of jamas. I may never get dressed again!!! I loved shopping! We also went out for lunch - I only managed a little but it was lovely people watching.

Today holds a visit from the nurse and all being well a trip out to Holme Grange with a friend. I am not going to be taking my bucket - a good sign that the sickness is lessening at last. Hopefully soon my mouth will be better - at the moment it is like having a burnt mouth. I am hoping that when I do start eating I don't put on loads of weight quickly or I won't fit into my new dress at Christmas!

Hope your half terms are full of kicking leaves and enjoying the Autumn weather.

So today holds church, shopping trip and roast dinner all with my girlie - hopefully. It is a beautiful day although feels cold.

Dialysis yesterday was long despite having Chloe - not sure why. I wish I could do 2 hours instead of 4 I can manage that very well! I had pain in my back and legs which makes it difficult to stay still. However that has gone and shouldn't return as it was due to the injections. The sickness is also lessening although still comes and goes.

I dreamt that Paul was leaving me to go on a year long trip - interesting how the sub-conscious brings up our fears!! Glad to wake and find him still here bringing my coffee.

Chloe home - yippee. It is lovely knowing that I will spend the day with her today.

Yesterday I saw Joy and Talia which was lovely and Talia painted my nails beautifully. It was lovely to hear that everyone dressed in pink at school yesterday. I am hoping to see photos. I do hope you all have great half terms. I miss you all loads.

I woke in the night in pain in my back from the injections. It made me very grateful that I don't have pain regularly.

Hope you all have exciting weekend plans.

I had planned to go to school and out for lunch today but my white count is very low so I will be staying at home. I am feeling quite sad that I have to make that choice but feel it is the right thing to do. It should be the last time my white count drops so I should be more protected in the future. So I will be wearing pink at home today!

My appointment with the pre op clinic was straightforward yesterday - just lots of questions. Not sure why they need to know that I live in a house and have a pet snake! I couldn't see the anaesthetist despite that being the reason I went yesterday! So I will have to go again for that. Ho Hum!

Dialysis went quickly with Kitty. We chatted for ages and then she beat me at chequers.

Really looking forward to seeing Chloe tonight and catching up on her week with the GP.

Good morning all. I slept really well last night waking at 5 full of beans. I wish I could say thank you personally to the blood donors who make such a difference to my life. If you give blood THANK YOU. I managed to walk around Morrisons yesterday afternoon while waiting for my prescription. I do love shopping! It is amazing when you can't do normal things how much you miss them. I can't wait to be able to cook a meal for my family and make cakes again. I am looking forward to doing a basket of ironing (yes even ironing). Not sure when I will be able to do these things hopefully soon.

Today brings Kitty. I am looking forward to seeing her and hearing about her run last weekend. I have an appointment with the Pre op clinic today. The surgeon warned me that they will go pale when they know about my blood!

Dialysis today as well. Hopefully find out what the plans are about my fistula and see if we can fit that in around my surgery.

We have a plan - hurrah it doesn't involve more chemo! I will be having surgery on 18th November - a mastectomy and node removal. I should be in for 1 or 2 nights all being well. I am feeling fine about it. It helps that I know what it will look like and I have been resigned to it happening from the beginning. Paul is concerned I may need to learn how to walk again as I will be lopsided!!! We continue to laugh through most things.

It was a long day yesterday beginning at 9.00 with ultrasound followed by mammogram. Then an hour and half wait in clinic to be seen by a very rushed surgeon. No time to discuss things just this is what we will do and when. A lovely chat and hug with my breast care nurse who is leaving and meeting with new one. An appointment made to discuss all things related to mastectomies. Then a visit to pre-op right at the other end of the hospital who were very busy so I made an appointment for Thursday. Paul certainly didn't need a visit to the gym after he had pushed me from one end of the hospital and back twice, up numerous slopes. We then arrived slightly late to dialysis where they were very busy but ready for me. They had decided I needed a transfusion straight away. So the fistula couldn't be used. So blood started and dialysis begun. The fistula nurse then came and scanned my arm with the hope we could use it on Thursday. Unfortunately the vein splits after the fistula and is not ideal for use. So we now need another more detailed ultrasound and possibly another little op to tie off the vein and then time for it to grow - ho hum! It is never straightforward it seems. Thankfully I continue to take each day as it comes and can only be concerned with this day. Then they were late starting my third bag of blood so I had to have an extra 20 minutes of dialysis. We eventually arrived home at 6. I was very grateful for Paul's company during the morning and my friend D during the afternoon. It is a wonderful joy to spend Tuesdays with her.

So today a quiet day with a GP visit this afternoon to update tablets and sick notes.Looking forward to the weekend and Chloe home and then half term with my youngest boy. Glad to have more hb.

This is a picture from Wisley on Sunday with the lovely Autumn colours.

I am off to the hospital soon. Thank you for your prayers for today. I am looking forward to having a new plan after today. I will let you know tomorrow how we get on. Also hoping for our internet to be back on again after 2 weeks without it - no more dongle - yippee!

Sorry for late post today, I am on a go slow!

Yesterday was wonderful. We went to church first (unfortunately had to leave quickly in the last song as I was feeling very sick - fresh air and tablets solved it) and then to Wisley. My wheel chair and I had a great day. We had lunch in the restaurant and then Paul pushed me around the beautiful gardens. The colours of Autumn were everywhere. It was lovely as well to see all the seed heads left to do there magic for next year. And Paul got a good workout with the inclines. We finished our outing with a visit to the shop - I have missed shopping!

Kitty completed her 10k run yesterday in 1 hour 15 minutes - well done her. I am very proud of her.

Today I am going slow - recovering from a busy day yesterday and aware that my blood is low. Tomorrow will be busy - ultrasound and mammogram at 9.00, appointment with both consultants at 10.00, ultrasound in dialysis and then possible use of my fistula at dialysis at 12.30 ish. Hopefully home by 6 - a long day! Please pray for wisdom for the Drs as they decide on surgery etc... and that the fistula works first time and that I cope with all the business of the day. I am so glad to be getting on with the treatment and very grateful I won't have to have chemo again for at least a while.

Dialysis yesterday was fine, Paul popped in between prayer meetings. I have finished the first DVD of Little House on the Prairie. It reminded me of childhood days watching it. My blood test showed that my haemoglobin is now very low so I will need a transfusion next week. I am hoping to hold out until Thursday as Tuesday is rather busy! Victoria ward are on standby in case I need one urgently though. So I will puff around for the next few days!

Today I am hoping to go to church and then we are taking my wheelchair for a visit to Wisley. We are hoping for a dry day.

I am so thankful to be able to take each day one step at a time. I'm not frightened or anxious but just trusting. That is not because I am 'wonderful' or 'brave' or 'courageous' as many of you have suggested but because of God's work in me. It is amazing to be able to tell you that when awful things happen you don't need to be afraid or anxious that you can be trusting of a Father who loves us and wants the best for us. He is faithful and trustworthy.

I am also so thankful for you all praying especially this week when I saw the consultant and praying that I would manage last nights 'pink party' which was good fun. It was lovely being with the girlies and eating pink food - yummy. I was really glad not to be sick last night.

I am thankful for your prayers for my family as we hold on by our finger nails at times. It is so hard to watch someone you love hurting.

This week brings many things -

• injections for white cell production
• ultrasound and mammogram
• meeting with consultants and decisions about surgery
• ultrasound to check fistula and first use of fistula if everything is ok
• pink Friday at school

I would appreciate your prayers that we make wise decisions together.

Thank you for your questions about Chloe's exam. It went well, as did her results for her placement so that is one tick in the box. She has gone to Cornwall for the weekend and then comes back for a week in a GP's surgery. Then home for the weekend - yippee!

Well it's Friday again and another week done. I am very grateful to have had my last chemo. I was very sick yesterday evening and in the night. Feeling better this morning. Grateful for new days. I am hoping to go out this evening to a 'pink evening' with the girlies. Hoping the sickness lifts for that. I am so looking forward to going out and enjoying food again. Only a few weeks and hopefully I will feel much better.

Chloe has an exam today and then a weekend in Cornwall. She will then have finished her first placement. She will be spending next week with a GP and then 6 weeks of Psychiatry.

I am aware how hard this journey is on all the family. It seems such a long time since we had normality. Maybe I can glimpse a bit of the new normal around the corner

I am very sorry that I am not replying to emails at the moment. I can receive them but am unable to reply to them. We are still using the dongle but hoping to be reconnected next week.

It has been such a long time.

Quite a long day at chemo yesterday arrived at 8.30 and left at 12.00 but it is done. No more chemo for now - yippee. Next weeks plan is now to have an ultrasound and mammogram at 9.00 on Tuesday and to see the 2 consultants at 10. and then dialysis in the afternoon possibly using fistula. It will be a busy day. But after that we will have the new plan sorted.

I was sick last night but not too bad. Glad to be thinking that in 2 weeks I will begin the recovery from chemo.

Today Paul is in London and I have friends taking and picking me up from dialysis. Looking forward to that. I am hoping to manage an evening out tomorrow at a pink evening for breast cancer awareness with the girlies.Thinking of decorating my bucket in pink!!!! My sister Kit is running on Sunday in a 10k run for cancer research. I am grateful for everyone involved for raising awareness of these issues and the importance of research into treatments which improve the outcome for so many of us.

OK so we have a plan. Today will be my last chemo for now. On Monday I will have an ultrasound(hopefully) and on Tuesday I will see the oncologist and surgeon together. The new plan is to have the 6th chemo today and then to have surgery in the next 6 weeks. The drug that I might have had will take quite a while to organise as the funding is complicated. We will still apply for it so that if necessary I can have it after I have had surgery and radiotherapy. This means by Christmas I will have had chemo and surgery and depending on healing I may have started radiotherapy. Yippee! I was very relieved yesterday to know that the chemo will be finished after today. The dietician will be pleased too as he was beginning to discuss the need for me to be tube fed if I continue to loose weight - yucky!!!

I also saw the renal consultant who is very pleased with how the dialysis is going. We discussed my blood pressure and she took it in my arm and leg and it showed a huge difference in measurements. The reassuring thing about that is that my arm measurement shows that my blood pressure is in a normal range. She checked my fistula and decided that we may be able to start using it next week after an ultrasound to check its position. I also asked about the possibility of my kidneys recovering. She feels that as I have been on dialysis for nearly 5 months now the chance of recovery is very unlikely. I think it would take a miracle now. So after a few tears and a few deep breaths we get on with life in its new form trusting that God is in charge.

Thank you for your prayers and your emails, texts etc.... I couldn't manage without my wonderful backing team.

Well today is the day for a new plan - hopefully. Thank you for your messages I appreciate them all. I should see 2 consultants today - renal and oncology. I see the renal consultant while having dialysis and hopefully we will chat about my BP. At the moment I think we could guess my bp better than the results from my leg. The oncology appointment is after dialysis and hopefully we will come up with a plan which isn't too difficult!

I had a wonderful day yesterday with my friend we talked for hours! Catching up on 5 years of news and putting the world to rights!

Today I spend dialysis with my lovely friend D. Hopefully we will manage to complete a game of chequers as last time I was poorly.

So today brings no dialysis and my friend for lunch. I am so looking forward to seeing her. We have years to catch up on!!!

Yesterday was lovely. Church was good - lovely seeing some friends who are off to Nigeria soon and meeting their new baby. Chloe cooked a lovely lunch which I managed to eat well. We then went to the quilt show which was wonderful - very inspiring. Most of them too hard for me but it inspired me to try new things. We had a lovely time looking and choosing material - all beautifully arranged. It is lovely to have time to 'craft' now, something I had little time for before.

Please keep praying for tomorrow's meeting with oncologist. I need a new plan!!!

Yesterday was lovely although we had an unexpected visit to A&E to see Joy who had hurt her arm. She is ok just bruised and very sore.

Dialysis went well and quickly as we chatted and played chequers. It was lovely to see Kit and Chloe and catch up on news. Strictly was wonderful - it is good to watch it with others.

Today holds a busy day. Church first, then roast cooked by Chloe and then a quilting show with C. I am really looking forward to the day with Chloe.

I am also really looking forward to tomorrow when a friend is coming to visit who I haven't seen for a very long time. We have so much to catch up on.

I have so much to be grateful for.

I am thankful for new days and looking forward to this day. Chloe, Kit and Strictly (hope we get back in time as it is on quite early). Chloe is looking forward to seeing the new machines in action - hope dialysis nurses are ready for her questions.

Bible study was great yesterday - it is wonderful to have such a supportive group of ladies to meet with. We are using study books about church and it has raised lots of questions and got us thinking about what is church and what is its purpose.

I now have a lift from dialysis on Thursday but I am still needing a lift to dialysis at about 11.30.

Please can you be praying for my meeting with the oncologist on Tuesday. Hopefully he will have some more information about the next drug I might have and whether it can be funded. I have found this chemo harder to cope with this time and would quite like to stop chemo but know that I need to do what he suggests is the best plan. I am not looking forward to another 3/ 4 months of chemo. That feels like a long time. We shall see. As ever I like a plan!!!

Hope you all have great weekends planned and will enjoy the sunshine.

I am looking forward to the weekend. Sisters, daughter and Strictly. Bible study with the girlies this afternoon. All good.

Thankfully dialysis was fine yesterday and it was lovely catching up with a friend who popped into see me.

Paul has gone up to London for the day today. He is looking forward to an opera rehearsal and a ballet this evening. I am hoping to tidy a bit this morning. This remains an area of frustration as I so want to be able to have the energy to look after my own home.

We are looking for lifts next Thursday for dialysis. I will need someone at about 11.30 to take me to the hospital and about 4.30 to pick me up. Please let me know if you can help. Thank you.