Yesterday was wonderful - full to over flowing with people, fun and laughter. I sat in the middle surrounded by my family all chatting and exchanging news. Joy, Matt, Adam, Talia, Josh, Debz, Chloe, Ed, Ben, Louise, Paul and I. Certainly a house full. We had yummy Chinese for tea. It makes the house even quieter today. But I have captured those memories in my mind to bring out when needed over the next few weeks. Josh is coming back in 2 weeks which is lovely to look forward to. He bought me some lovely slippers to wear for dialysis to keep my feet warm - so thoughtful.

Today brings dialysis and oncologist. I have my list of questions and I am ready to discuss the next stage.

Yesterday was a really lovely day. To most people it would have been a normal Sunday but to me it was a treasured day. I am amazed that in the midst of all this muddle we are going through I have days when I am truly happy. What a gift! I went to church and was surrounded by offers for help in lots of different ways. Your generosity and kindness are wonderful. For someone who finds it hard to ask for help you make it so much easier.

The rest of the day was full of family and tasks. I managed to do a huge pile of ironing which was very satisfying (for any who know me well you will know I hate ironing but it is now a delight to be able to do it) I also managed to make apple and blackberry crumble for tea. Chloe cooked a wonderful roast dinner. My taste buds are just returning so it is the first meal I have really enjoyed in 3 weeks.

This picture is me with Guinevere. We are beginning to get used to her! I try not to look in the mirror as it is very odd seeing someone else looking back at me! Last night Chloe shaved my head. I still had some very wispy hair which was quite itchy so we decided that it was time to get rid of it. It was quite fun having my head shaved and it looks so much better now. I am glad to discover I have quite a nice shaped head and it looks OK with no hair!!!

Today is full of more family and friends. Josh returns to Brighton tonight. It has been a delight to have him here and to hear all about his new job . He has certainly fallen on his feet.

Reading a blog this morning again the idea that God does give us more than we can handle has come up. The writer says that if we are given only what we can handle we will never call out to God we will continue in our way trusting in our own resources and relying on our own abilities.

She writes;

f I can handle it, then I will never learn to “Trust in the LORD with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding.”

If I can handle it, I will never learn to “rejoice in the Lord always.” I will never learn to, “not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present my requests to God.”

And I will never learn about the “peace of God that transcends all understanding.” Or to “consider it pure joy” when I face trials. Or learn to “believe and not doubt.” Or to know what it feels like to have the “Spirit himself intercede for me in groans that words cannot express.” (Hennhouse)

I think this experience is showing me this. On my own this is way too much to handle, way too scary. But with God all things are possible.

Wide awake at 4 - mmmmm. Not sure what that was about. It's very quiet at 4! I have to work hard on not allowing my thoughts to overwhelm me at night. I am sure many of you know that problem. It is the time I really need to reach out for the one who holds my hand and concentrate on the light for this step. One day at a time.

Dialysis was fine yesterday. Lovely to chat with Josh, Chloe and Debz. Josh enjoyed learning to play Chinese Chequers. It was interesting to see how competitive they both are. Thank you to Matt and Eva for being our drivers.

Today brings church, roast dinner and time with family. Yippee!

What a beautiful morning! It is very quiet and peaceful in my house. Ben has gone off to work and the others are asleep. I am looking forward to a weekend full of people, noise and activity. All my chicks will be in their nest. Josh comes home today and it is Chloe's last weekend at home for a while. I am going to make the most of the weekend and make memories to hold onto in the next few months. Chloe has been such a star throughout this whole ordeal. She has been a constant companion by my side. I am going to miss her but I am excited for her as she begins placements. I will look forward to long skype conversations all about her day.

Today's dialysis will hopefully include Josh and Chloe. I am looking forward to spending time with them together. A rare treat. Chloe is hoping to teach Josh Chinese chequers. I am hoping they can sort out my blood pressure taking.

I am feeling less sick and my taste buds are slightly better. It has taken me longer to recover from this chemo and the next one is on Wednesday. I will see oncologist on Tuesday. This will be the last chemo before reviewing and deciding what to do next.

There are 3 options;

1. Change to another drug called taxotere which I would then have every 3 weeks for up to 4 sessions
2. Stay on the same drugs and continue for 2 more sessions
3. Go straight to surgery

Please pray for wisdom as the Drs decide what is the right regime for me. Taxotere has more side effects and I will need to take steroids with it to protect my nerves and joints from damage. However it was the original plan and therefore feels like the plan we should follow if possible.

I hope you all have wonderful bank holiday weekend plans and make memories that you can hold onto through the winter months.

Today started early. The sky man due to arrive between 8 and 10 arrived at 7.40! He was like a whirlwind rushing around the house. I was exhausted just watching him!

Yesterdays dialysis went well. I really enjoyed the time with Rose and Chloe. Thank you to our drivers too. We had fun trying out a new gadget at dialysis which shows if they are taking enough fluid and what your target weight should be after dialysis. The gentleman using it was brilliant with Chloe explaining all the technical details (I didn't understand most of it) The good thing was it showed that at the end of dialysis I had no fluid left, so that was great. It takes the guess work out of dialysis which we have always questioned, especially as I am loosing weight fairly steadily.

Paul is getting better slowly. Hopefully by next week he will be able to drive.

Today - friends for coffee and hopefully a bit of tidying.

Boy was I tired yesterday! But now is a new day and I am feeling much better. Yesterday I had 2 lovely friends visit. It was great to hear about holidays, look at wedding photos and be inspired to do more iris folding. I am surrounded by projects which I have begun and not finished. I need to get on and finish some before starting any more! Chloe also has been crafting lots and so our lounge looks a bit like a craft factory!

Today is dialysis day and I have the snuffles. Considering this is only the second cold I have had in a year it is not too bad. Hopefully my white count is high enough to fight it off. Hoping today to finish a game of Chinese chequers during dialysis with my friend Rose and Chloe. My lovely friend Claire is taking us.

My book Plan B talks about the importance in our Plan Bs of surrounding ourselves with community and the difference this makes. I am such a testimony to that as you all surround me with your love and care. Thank you!

Paul is slowly recovering, thankfully. But is still not driving. We are looking for someone to bring us back from dialysis on Saturday. If you are available to help please let me know. Thank you.

Where to start? Yesterday was a long day. We left home at 10.00 am and returned at 10.30 pm (we being Chloe and I) Chloe was a star all day keeping me entertained and occupied.

We arrived at Churchill Hospital Oxford just in time for my appointment. It was interesting to travel through the hospital to get to the renal department. Lots of the hospital is new and looks lovely. I am sure their cancer department is sparkling. But the renal department is not. They are in the old part of the hospital down dingy forgotten corridors. The consulting room was the size of a cupboard. However we saw a lovely Dr who explained again how complicated I am!!! First plan was to use my right arm for the fistula when I had finished chemo but following an ultrasound scan (which involved a lot of waiting) that plan was scrapped. So the (hopefully) final plan is to use my upper left arm.

Any squeamish look away now

- on 6th September they will join an artery and vein in my upper arm. This will be done under a local anaesthetic and will take about an hour. Then about 3 weeks later I will have an operation under a general anaesthetic to move the vein in my upper arm to the top of my arm to make it accessible for dialysis. Any more details are available from Chloe! That was as much as I took in.

We were at the hospital until 2pm. We were very grateful for our patient driver who spent a long time in the coffee shop. Thank you Matthew!

We then went onto RBH for dialysis arriving about 3 all ready to get going. But no! My blood count had dropped further and it was decided that I needed another transfusion. This involves cross matching blood and checking for antibodies which apparently takes 2 hours! So eventually at 5.30 I started dialysis which included 3 units of blood. I was so grateful for Chloe's patient, cheerful presence as the day was very long. I also so appreciated Fiona's patience in being asked to pick us up early evening which ended up being 9.30. It was really lovely to see her and catch up with her summer. Thank you Fiona!

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. Despite the day being long we remained cheerful throughout. It was lovely to hear the Dr say as she entered the room ' OK we have a plan' almost as if she knew my need for plans!

Unfortunately Paul has been diagnosed with labyrinthitis - an infection of the inner ear.This means he can't drive at the moment which is slightly hampering life! He was pleased to have his own label and his own tablets!

I am weary today but glad we do have a plan. Also glad the plan is in the creators hands.

So here we are Tuesday and Oxford. I will be glad when we have been and hopefully know the plan. As ever it is the unknown which I find difficult. Once I have a plan I will get on with it. I am very grateful to Matt for being able to take me today and for Fiona for offering to pick me up from dialysis. It is going to be a long day. Hopefully Paul will also have some answers to his dizziness which has been coming and going for the past week.

My appointment in Oxford is at 11.40 and we will then go straight to Royal Berks for dialysis. As ever my wonderful girlie is coming with me (bringing her questions). We are praying for a simple solution to the placing of the fistula.

Today is results day for many we know - you are all in our thoughts and prayers.

I love Mondays even rainy ones! I am looking forward to having coffee with L and I this morning. It is so lovely to have my days filled with friends. I am still thinking about yesterday which was so lovely. How much I have taken forgranted in the past.

I will be glad when tomorrow is out of the way and we know what is going to happen. Chloe is writing a list of questions. I hope they are ready for us!

Like many of you I am aware of the ticking clock to the end of the holidays. It has been so lovely having Chloe with us and I will miss her when she goes although I am excited to hear all about her new adventures. I will also miss Ben being around and his quiet support when I am unwell. His singing fills the house most days. I will need to plan my own adventures for the first few weeks!

I have had the most wonderful day. I started it with church. It was lovely to chat with lots of you, especially Ed visiting from America. We send much love to Nicci and the amazing Daniel. We then popped home for a rest before going out to lunch with Ben and Chloe. What a complete joy my children are. We then dropped Ben home and went on to Henley. It was a perfect afternoon. I sat in my wheelchair and my lovely helpers (Paul and Chloe) pushed me along side the river. We enjoyed the beautiful sunshine, the boats, the children dancing to the band, the beautiful houses, the baby coots, the swans and cygnets, people watching while eating lollies and the smiles from many we passed. It was so lovely to feel part of life. We returned home - tired but happy.

Glad for new days. Yesterday was a bit yuck. In dialysis I dropped my blood pressure for the first time in ages. I was also sick. I was very tired in the evening and continued to be sick through the night. But here we are it's a new day and all's right with the world again.

It was lovely hearing about Kit's holiday and seeing her beautiful photos of Greece. The world is a truly wonderful place! Although I haven't been away I have had the wonderful privilege of sharing many of your holidays through your photos and your retelling.

Joy, Kit and I had fun completing (well trying to) the quizzes Joy's Mother-in-law sent us. They are quite tricky and keep my mind ticking over!

So today - I am hoping to go to church and then the plan was a visit to Henley for lunch and an outing in the wheelchair. Not sure the weather is going to allow for that, we shall see.

Please be praying for our visit to Oxford on Tuesday to discuss fistulas. The Drs are going to need wisdom to decide where to put a fistula as I have so much going on in my arms! Tuesday is going to be a busy day as my appointment is 11.40 in Oxford and I then have to go to Reading for dialysis. I expect to be exhausted by the end of the day.

I have had a yucky night. The injections I am having to increase my white cell production are causing me to have pain in my lower back. This has kept me awake most of the night. I am not looking forward to dialysis where I have to stay still - difficult when you are in pain. However I finished the injections yesterday so hopefully the pain will go soon.

On a better note it's a sisters day at dialysis today. Both Joy and Kit are coming with me. I am looking forward to seeing Kit's photos from her holiday in Greece. I have missed her. Chloe has her consultants appointment today so we are praying that she comes to some conclusions.

Chloe and I had a lovely time with C yesterday looking at patchwork projects. Chloe was very inspired to have a go at some appliqué. She has finished a wonderful bag made out of patchwork. I was sad not to manage a trip to Holme Grange though as the pain started in my back at lunchtime. Hopefully I will manage that another time.

My youngest boy has finished the job I started last week - tidying his bedroom. He has done a great job. I am very pleased with him. Just the rest of the house to go!!!

Josh seems to have settled well into his new job. He was taken to breakfast in a lovely restaurant on his first day. What a great way to welcome him.

Today I should be packing for our holiday in the Lake District. Ho hum! I was looking forward to spending time with all the family and partners. But it was not to be. Holidays in the future will take a lot of organising as you can have dialysis in other parts of the country (or world) but they have to have spaces for you or you have to pay to go to special holiday dialysis centres. At the moment I need the security of a centre that I know. So we stay home.

Today I am looking forward to time spent with my patchwork friend and a trip to Holme Grange, all being well. I am enjoying going out more although I am still limited by my low haemoglobin which means I can't walk very far.

Dialysis went well again yesterday and I was joined by 'baby girl' a friend from school and Chloe. We chatted for ages and really enjoyed hearing all about her exploits in Marrakesh.

The book (Plan B by Pete Wilson) I am reading has challenged me on so many levels. In particular he challenges the idea that Christians often say that ' God never gives you more than you can handle' He says this is wrong. He uses Paul's thorn in the flesh as an example. But he says in those hard to handle Plan Bs we have the choice to abandon God or worship him in the midst of Plan B. I choose the later in my Plan B. 'It's amazing the bright light God allows our lives to become when we give him all we have in the midst of the darkness'. (pg120 Plan B byPete Wilson) I think this is proving true in our lives at the moment.

Just enough light for this step I am on.

This week seems to be flying by - Thursday already. I am so glad to have Chloe back in the nest again. She had an adventurous weekend which included a crash on the M25. Luckily they were all unhurt and the car was only dented. 5 cars were involved and everyone walked out of their cars. During the weekend she learnt about making flat pack furniture - a skill I am sure she will need many times. She also learnt about the frustrations of fitting kitchens! She seems to have survived!

She is excited to learn that her first placement will be paediatrics starting in September in Portsmouth.

I had a good day yesterday seeing a friend for coffee - lovely hearing all about her holiday in Croatia. A visit to the GP was successful and I now have all my drugs etc.... It is now a week since chemo and it hasn't been too bad again. I have felt sick on and off and been a bit sick but it has been alright. My mouth has been sore and I am frustrated that food tastes yuck again but it is good to know that it will pass.

Dialysis today and baby girl is coming to visit. I am looking forward to seeing her and catching up with her holiday news from Marrakesh. It is so wonderful to be hearing about peoples holidays from all over the world. Chloe is also coming to dialysis so we will have a party! Thank you for those who have been praying for Chloe's health - her consultants appointment was cancelled yesterday and rearranged for Saturday. We are hoping for some answers then.

I have just looked back on my posts from the beginning when I was first diagnosed and feel amazed by the journey I have been on. My hands have been firmly grasped by the creator of the universe and he hasn't let me go. I so appreciate all of you coming on this journey with me and am grateful for your prayers, visits, emails, cards, letters, scarves, hats, cream teas, flowers, blog posts, postcards, cakes, meals, phone calls, craft ideas, texts etc...... You fill my life with so many good things. Thank you!

Yesterday I managed dialysis on my own for the first time. Paul came and joined me for the last 45 minutes. I watched a film on the laptop which ran out of batteries 15 minutes before the end of the film - ho hum. I continued with my patchwork ( nurses concerned I might hurt myself sewing mmmmmmmmmmm)and read for ages.

I managed to forget an appointment with my rheumatology consultant so he kindly came to me at the end of dialysis. He is very pleased with my progress and reminded me that it is possible that the chemo may cause the mixed connective tissue disease to remain in remission after I have finished and it may never return. That would be wonderful. My skin is much less tight than it has been and the blood tests which show I have an autoimmune disease are now normal. I will see him when I finish chemo and we will then discuss whether I need to go back on methotrexate.

Today I am going to have coffee with a friend and a visit to GP to update my drugs etc..... Maybe I will fit in a bit of tidying too. Chloe comes home from France today so I am looking forward to seeing her. Ben plans to do some baking - this usually results in some very bright cakes and a chaotic kitchen!

Another wonderful day yesterday. My Aunt and cousin came and updated me on their news. I really enjoyed their company. We can all talk for England so when they left there was still so much to say! Another visit is essential. In the evening we went to a farewell meal for a friend V leaving to work in Italy. It was lovely to be out in the evening and although I didn't manage the whole evening it felt wonderful to be doing something 'normal'. I am looking forward to hearing all about V's adventures living in Rome.

I had a bit of an adventure with my injection yesterday. I have restarted these injections which encourage my body to make white cells which drop due to the chemo. So far Chloe has given them to me but she is in France. So I started off well and mixed the fluid and injection material together and then sucked it back up into the syringe ready to give. Well I assumed I had! I was pushing the syringe to make sure there was no air bubbles when I realised that the syringe was actually empty! I had sucked nothing into it. Not quite sure how I managed that but glad I didn't inject a full syringe of air into my tummy! I am looking forward to Chloe being back tonight!

Today brings my first dialysis on my own. I have had the privilege of always having someone with me so far but today I go it alone! Ben has loaded some films onto my computer and I am going to take my patchwork and my book - so I am all set to go.

We had a lovely, busy day yesterday. Church was great - it was lovely to chat with so many people. David 's talk challenged me again about the idea of a plan B. Guinevere came with me and it was wonderful that a couple of people didn't realise it was a wig. This has given me more confidence to wear it out now. We then went to Saville Gardens for lunch. It was the first time I have been out for lunch since my diagnosis in May and it was really lovely. The food was great and the staff very helpful. Paul then pushed me in the wheelchair around the gardens.Good for his muscles! It was so lovely to see the new rose garden and the borders full of colour coordinated flowers. I came home exhausted but very happy to have done so much. A little sleep and a cream tea helped restore me!

My littlest chick has returned to the nest slightly earlier than planned. He was missing home and decided to leave camp early. It is lovely to have him back. As I type he is playing the piano downstairs filling the house with music.

I am looking forward to today as my aunt and cousin are coming. I am looking forward to hearing all about their recent trips abroad. I love Mondays as they feel like a special treat without dialysis.

Yesterday I received an email from a family friend who I hadn't heard from in years. It was such a delight to catch up with all her family's news. Thank you so much A&K for passing on my details. It is so wonderful to know that people are praying for us in so many parts of the country. I so appreciate it.

I am hoping today is going to be full of sunshine. I am off to church this morning and then hopefully to Saville Gardens for lunch and to see the new rose garden. We are going to try out the wheel chair - not quite sure how I feel about that yet.

Yesterdays dialysis went well. It was lovely having Joy and Matt with me. We chatted and did some quizzes that Matt's Mum had sent me. Tested my brain!

My mouth is very sore from the chemo hopefully I will be able to sort that out on Tuesday when I am next at the hospital. The sickness is again quite random just coming out of the blue.

I am reading a book - 'Plan B' by Pete Wilson. It is making me think a lot about how we plan our lives and expect God to fit in with our plans rather than us fitting in with His plans. His view is so different from ours as He sees it in the light of eternity. Being a controller means that I do struggle with this. I am learning - slowly. This journey is definitely plan B for me! or maybe as Paul puts it plan F!!

I so agree with this poster - the little things in my life are wonderful and so often make my day. My little cup of coffee in the morning, my soft socks at dialysis, the smile of a nurse, my warm knitted hat made by a friend, my water bottle at night, the goldfinches in the garden, the scones and cream kindly given by a friend. I am so aware of the little things and grateful for each one.

Dialysis today with Joy. Hoping it goes as well as Thursday.

It is very quiet in our house after everyone being home last week. Paul has borrowed a wheel chair from the red cross so that we can go out more. I can walk but not very far before I get exhausted. So tomorrow we are hoping to go to Saville gardens to see the new rose garden.

Dialysis went well yesterday and I had a lovely companion. R had kindly thought of things we could do together during dialysis and brought them with her. The time went so quickly. We played Chinese Chequers which was great fun. I had quite a sick evening but I am feeling better this morning. Eating is a challenge again partly due to the sickness and partly due to a sore mouth. Although the side effects are a pain it is good to know that the chemo has such a powerful effect and hopefully is killing the cancer cells.

Today I am hoping to do a bit of tidying in Ben's room which looks like a bomb site. I never thought I would look forward to tidying! I am also going to start my new jigsaw. Josh goes back to Brighton today. It has a been a real pleasure having him home and seeing Debz too. I love my chicks all being in the nest!

Paul is just telling me about his night! He got up to see the meteorites at 2 am. and spent an hour watching them dart across the sky. An air show from our back garden!

Chemo went well yesterday. I was seen within 5 minutes of arriving and the sister again looked after me. Ed and Chloe came and chatted and laughed with us. We were finished after 45 minutes. I am so impressed by their organisation. My tablets arrived from pharmacy as I finished my chemo. I have been a bit sick but not too bad so far.

Guinevere had her first outing yesterday with good results. My main concern has been that it didn't look like a wig. The receptionist on the chemo ward went to ask the sister if I needed scalp cooling (used to try and keep the hair from falling out) so she obviously didn't realise I was wearing a wig. We are slowly getting used to it although Paul still laughs every time he sees me in it. He says I look too young in it and it needs some grey highlights!

Today dialysis with a friend R. I am looking forward to spending time with her.

I am missing my youngest boy. It seems strange not to have him emerging from his bedroom each morning. I have one more day with Josh before he is off back to Brighton to begin his working life. Chloe is going to France for the weekend to help Ed install a kitchen in a friends house. (Hope Ed is aware that Chloe and building don't go together - maybe she can make the tea) So Paul and I have a quiet weekend just the two of us.

Here we are again - chemo day. The consultant was pleased with my progress and very encouraging. The plan at the moment is one more chemo after this and then review. The options then will be to change the chemo to another drug (with which i will need to take steroids) or continue with the drugs I have been having or stop and have surgery. Please can you pray for wisdom for the Drs as they decide the next course of treatment. My favoured choice would be to continue with the original plan of another drug for 4 sessions but I will be guided by them.

I have returned to the bible study on contentment - a challenge in my situation and yet God does seem to be giving me a real peace in each day. My natural self would be so scared of all this trying to plan ahead all the time but I do seem able to live in each day as it comes not looking too far ahead.

It was lovely to see Joy last night back from her holiday in Spain. Her photos reminded me of the beautiful world we live in and how, now I have more energy, I should be trying to go out more. I think I should restart my daily walking plan that I had last time I was ill. I walked each day trying to walk a little further each time. It was very successful last time and I was soon walking 2 miles or so. At the moment my muscles are very weak from sitting/ lying for so long. I have a little stool that I take to sit on if I get tired. So if you see some strange woman sitting in a strange place on a stool - do wave!

I hoovered for the first time in 3 months yesterday. Another simple thing but when it is taken away and you have to rely on others to do it, it is very frustrating. Paul has been doing a great job coping with everything but I do find it hard not to be able to keep my own house clean. I have been feeling much better over the last few days partly due to the blood transfusion and it is week 3 after the chemo. It is hard to know that tomorrow I have chemo again and the circle repeats. Today I see the oncologist after dialysis.

Please pray for us as a family as we cope with all the stresses and strains of this process. It is hard for everyone.

Monday again - where did that week go? Even though my world is quite small at the moment the days still pass quickly( maybe apart from the 4 hours of dialysis). I love Mondays as they feel like a special treat as there is no dialysis. My head is feeling slightly clearer now the blood pressure tablets have been reduced. I managed to iron yesterday - yippee!

I have now got a date for my visit to the surgeons at Oxford to discuss the fistula - it is the 24th August. I am going to be a difficult patient (as usual) as there are not many areas they can place a fistula and my veins are so small. Hopefully they will come up with an easy plan.

Today I will be saying goodbye to Ben as he leaves for 8 days of camp and having coffee with a friend I haven't seen for ages.

Dialysis yesterday was a little more tricky than usual. As my platelets are low the nurses have stopped adding heparin during my dialysis. This means that my blood is more likely to clot in the tubing - and yesterday it did. This means that the machine has to be stopped and all the tubing replaced. The blood left in the tubing is then lost. The dialysis is then restarted. It was quite unsettling. I am a challenge to the staff! Please could you pray that they find a solution to this as I don't want to be loosing blood each time I have dialysis as I haven't got enough as it is!

It was lovely to have Josh with me and to spend time together. It is such an encouragement to see the hand of God in his life and his choices. It was also lovely to spend time with CC who came to pick us up. It is interesting to see the ward through someone else's eyes when they come for the first time. Thank you so much for your help CC.

I had hoped to go to church today but as my blood pressure is quite low we decided that I need to stay home. Fainting in church would be quite embarrassing! Low blood pressure is a good sign that the dialysis is working well. I am cutting my tablets again today - maybe I will be off them soon.

Today is packing day for Ben as he goes to camp tomorrow. I will miss his music and laughter. We are being left in charge of the geckos - I am hoping I will not be the one who has to feed them , Yuck!

Another day dawns. Dialysis with Josh today. I am looking forward to chatting with him.

Yesterday was a lovely day. I made a card with iris folding and it looks very good even if I do say so myself. It is a very clever technique although it looks quite tricky, it is easier than you/I might think. Thank you B for your help and for introducing me to something new. It was also great catching up with your news.

My visit to the hairdressers with Guinevere the guinea pig went well. I now have 'new' hair. I am going to be wearing it in for a bit as it makes my head hurt when I wear it at the moment. Hopefully we will take photos soon. Paul thinks it makes me look younger (I am all for that)

I am feeling today that I would like a break from being ill. Just a few days when my days are not ruled by illness and treatment. A few days to tidy my house, go shopping, do the ironing, pack for my boy, cook meals etc...... All things that at the moment I am unable to do, all normal everyday Mummy stuff. I think this is a reflection of the fact that I am feeling better than I have for a long time (due to blood transfusion) but still not well enough to do these things. I am sure many Mums are now saying make the most of it but it is amazing that when these things are taken away how much you want to be able to do them. I am so grateful to Paul that he is holding us altogether and keeping the house running.

Today holds many things. A visit from a friend with plans to learn how to Iris fold, a visit from our lovely vicar and a trip to the hairdressers with the guinea pig! Maybe by tomorrow I will be the proud owner of a new head of hair. If it goes well I will post pictures.

Yesterdays dialysis went well. I am now less cold throughout the treatment, maybe due to the transfusion, so I was able to use my hands instead of having to keep them under the covers. Chloe and I played battle ships ( haven't played this since the boys were little), dominoes and tried to play backgammon. Mmmmmm I had forgotten the rules and we couldn't understand the instructions so we are going to look this up. We also completed some quizzes sent to us by Matt's mum. They were great fun. I had for gotten how competitive my quiet girlie is!

The dietician visited and said everything I wanted him to! Although my phosphate levels are now high the main priority is to keep my weight stable. So forget low fat, forget no sugar - go for it! So now cream and butter are the order of the day. He has also given me some renal drinks to try which should help when I am being sick. So hopefully I will not fade away!

We are wondering if there is anyone around to pick me up from dialysis tomorrow afternoon (Saturday). Paul is off to London again and can take me to dialysis but is unable to bring me home.

We would need picking up sometime between 4 and 5.

Yesterday our house was filled with people, noise and laughter. Perfect! My brother and his 2 girls came to visit and seemed to fill every corner of the house. Josh is also home for a while and Ed came to meet the girls. It is wonderful to have the energy of the little ones around. It is also a privilege to see the cousins building relationships together. How wonderful are families!

Today is dialysis and chest x-ray. Drs trying to rule out a chest infection as a reason for my cough. Maybe we will see the dietician today - who knows!

Today is starting slowly - some days are like that! Yesterday was a busy day. The wig adventure continued with our next visit. I am now the 'proud' owner of a guinea pig or that is what it looks like! The wig is made with 40% more hair than needed so that you can go and have it trimmed as you would like it. It therefore looks quite odd sitting on the top of my head. It is a good colour for me but just needs a bit of adjusting. Hopefully then I will be able to wear it without feeling like everyone is staring at the lady with the wig! I am surprised by my need to have hair as I thought it would be fine to wear scarves. I have however found there to be a couple of occasions where i have just wanted to be another person in a crowd of people not to know that everyone is looking at your scarf and thinking - poor them they have cancer. It is fine for people to know I have cancer and I am open about telling people and using the word cancer to help remove the stigma but I choose who I tell and when - my scarf announces it in big letters!

Today my brother and his girls are coming and I am looking forward to seeing them. They will fill the house with chatter and activity and it will be lovely. I am expecting lots of questions as they have been very interested in my hair loss.

I hope you all have a good day too.

I had a great day yesterday. In the morning I had coffee with 2 friends (one came as a surprise) catching up on all their news and trying to put the care system to rights! In the afternoon I had a friend come with her 2 girls. They should be prescribed on the NHS. It was wonderful. They arrived at 100 miles an hour and didn't stop talking for the whole afternoon. They brought with them all their things from the holiday club last week and told me all about it. Chloe and the girls made pink ( and when I say pink I mean very pink) sugar mice with lots of laughing and talking throughout. V thank you so much for bringing them they brightened my day so much.

Today may be a rather mammoth day again as I am seeing the wig lady and then waiting for dialysis. Maybe today I might have a wig - we will see as only 1 of the ones I chose has come yet. I am also seeing the dietician during dialysis - hopefully. I am hoping that he will be able to give me advice about eating more as I am loosing weight quite steadily at the moment. Most of my clothes are making me look like a saggy elephant! Ladies you know what I mean.

Chloe has her MRI scan today so we are hoping that will give some answers to her problems that will be easily solved. Josh has his appointment at the pain clinic next week . We are certainly keeping the NHS busy!

Joy in each day remains my catch phrase which seems to be working well. Although please don't think I don't have moments when all this is too much to take in. I am aware that I am coping in this way by God's grace and not by my own abilities which are useless. Yesterday I had a moment while watching a programme about the Lake District when I suddenly thought I might never go again. It was overwhelming for a few minutes. But thankfully it is only a few moments and then I am back to thinking about the here and now. The reminder in the name of this blog is so helpful - just enough light for today.

Ok yesterday turned out a little differently than we had planned. We spent most of the day in A&E trying out their chemo patient policies! They were impressive in their care of me and have restored my faith in A&E. As chemo patients often have low blood counts they have a policy of seeing you straight away and giving you antibiotics if needed within an hour, which they did. (we were seen within 5 minutes of arriving). I had quite a collection of tests to rule out anything. As ever, I was an impatient patient just wanting them to let me go home once they had decided what needed to happen. Poor Chloe had to put up with my moaning. All I wanted was my bed! After a lot of tests and discussions I had antibiotics to cover all bugs just in case and anti sickness medicine given. I was so glad to be home (there were moments when they were suggesting I might have to stay - not my plan at all)

Feeling much better today after lots of sleep and looking forward to seeing a friend for coffee this morning and a lovely family this afternoon. And hopefully no hospitals!

Just had an awful night coughing and being sick. Not much sleep. I was looking forward to bouncing like Tigger today but that seems to be unlikely as typing is taking all my energy! Not sure who we will ask for advice as Sundays are rest days and again not keen on a trip to a and e. Quite tricky to explain all thats going on with me over the phone. If you are reading this and would like to I would value your prayers.

Yesterdays dialysis went well and the blood transfusion straightforward. Matt brought an after dinner games box and we played one of those. Joy beating Chloe and I by a combination of luck and guesswork although I am sure she will say it was by amazing genius! Matt was quiz master. We also completed some crosswords and put the world to rights! Paul enjoyed his visit to London although we still wait for a demonstration of the height of the jumps!

My boys are looking forward to spending time together in Brighton. It is a great joy to have children who get on so well - there were days when we thought that might never happen.