I am feeling quite odd - like I have landed in a foreign land. I had become used to being a kidney patient who needed dialysis and a cancer patient who needed chemotherapy. But now - I am still a cancer patient and a kidney patient but I am in recovery no longer needing the treatment that I had. The rhythm of my days has changed and it feels strange. Don't misunderstand me I am SO grateful that my kidneys are recovering and that i have finished treatment for breast cancer but I now have to be a 'new me'. I also can't know on either count if this is for ever or just for a time. I am certainly learning hard to take one day at a time and not to look to tomorrow but to make the most of today which is all I know. I am also not completely better I still have little energy although I am trying to do so much more. I get frustrated that I am now not 'well'. Again I need to take each day as it comes and learn to be patient - ho hum! I am still learning the lessons of patience - you would think I had learnt by now - but no I am a stubborn creature!

Reading in a blog today 'God’s purposes are not for me to understand His plans: His plan is for me to understand Who He is.' Ann Voskamp. How true this is - it is not for me to understand why He let me have 3 major illness in the space of 2 years and then allowed me to recover but His plan is for me to know him in this. To know in the depths that HE is there holding tightly to my hand and walking the journey with me. That was my desire when I started the journey and remains my desire now. Faith is this unwavering trust in the heart of God in the hurt of here. Unwavering trust all the time though I don’t understand all the time. Ann Voskamp This is it - unwavering trust all the time even though I don't understand but I trust that He knows. His ways are not our ways.

Today I have ladies who lunch and bible study followed by food shopping for the weekend. Chloe returns to Southampton today - I have been spoilt by her company for the whole week. I am so glad she has been able to share this week with me. What feels like my miracle week.