Old and new me!

Since being told I don't need to visit the oncologist for another year I have been thinking about what that means. I am now just seeing the rheumatologist 6 monthly and the oncologist yearly and the GP every other month. Hospitals no longer feature highly in my weekly plans! A week ago it was my 4th anniversary since my original diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis and my first steroid injection which sent everything haywire. 4 years where my health has dominated my life and the lives of those I love. I am now well settled into my new normal and mostly accept the reality of a chronic illness. But yesterday I glimpsed the 'old me' with the new me thrown in! I know that sounds like rubbish! I have learnt to look and find joy in each day and for that I am so grateful. I have learnt to appreciate the beauty all around me and not to take ANYTHING forgranted. I am thankful for each and every day I have. But always in the background there is that small little niggle that says it will all return soon. I know that I have placed my hand in the hand of the creator and trust him for the future but that doesn't stop the anxious thoughts creeping in at times. But yesterday I was truly happy. Not just joy but happiness that had no fear for the future. My children are all happy and thriving in their lives, my husband is settling back into his role at work after the threat of redundancy, and my health is stable and as far as we know should stay like that for the foreseeable future. Life is good and I am happy. I have grasped those feelings with both hands. I am so thankful.