20 Questions for a New Year's Reflection

So here we are at the end of the year. I have again completed the questions as I did last year - it is good to look back over the year and to be grateful for all it has held. I am most grateful that I still don't have to do dialysis. 

You can look back to my answers in 2011 on 30th December 2011. 

20 Questions for a New Year’s Reflection

1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?

Standing in Borrowdale looking out at my view. I thought that would never happen again because of dialysis,  standing in the Olympic stadium at the paralympics with Paul and Josh watching Jonny Peacock and Oscar and being at Dorney Lake to see the first gold medal of the games and at the road race on butterfly bend with Chloe and Ed at my first Olympic event.

2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?

My arm – at the beginning of the year my arm was hugely swollen from the blockage in my fistula. I was very glad to get that sorted.

3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?

I have continued to look and find joy everywhere. My year has been so full of lovely things. The most unexpected joy was Paul being told that his job was safe after all.

4. What was an unexpected obstacle?

Paul being told he would be made redundant in 30 days. This was a great shock to me and I selfishly could only think that it was the end of my lovely going out life!

5. Pick three words to describe 2011.

Thankful, busy, happy

8. What were the best books you read this year?

A praying life and Thrive The Bah! Guide to Wellness after cancer. I also discovered James Patterson!

9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?

My family, my bible study ladies, my friends

10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?

To take every opportunity and say yes when possible

11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?

I am learning to treasure all things in my heart

12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?

I am learning to pray more

13. In what way(s) did you grow physically?

I have a round tummy and Paul no longer calls me a refugee!

14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?

I am learning the importance of staying in touch with people if only through texts or notes or emails etc… because when we know about peoples lives then we can care more deeply.

15. What was the most enjoyable part of your work (both professionally and at home)?

Tutoring has given me so much pleasure – having small people in my house and seeing them grow in their learning

16. What was the most challenging part of your work (both professionally and at home)?

I still miss going to work particularly the people

17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?

I continue to try not to waste my time – it is too precious and I don’t know how much of it I have

18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?

In my relationships with family and friends making forever moments

19. What was biggest thing you learned this past year?
Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight and understanding. In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6 (Amplified Bible)

20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2012 for you.

A year full of wonderful opportunities taken making forever memories.

Christmas Week

Christmas cake - made by Chloe and Anne and tasted lovely. 

 I have decided to give you a flavour of our week (which has been lovely) through my, not very good, photos. I have used my phone which is adequate but not wonderful. 

Christmas Eve table - with Rudolph cake pops. 

Chloe and Ed Christmas morning (Ed with his new catapult) 

Ben snuggled Christmas morning 

Christmas Day - Paul in his waistcoat 

Very yummy Christmas dinner made by Joy 

Christmas cakes 

Adam and Ben opening presents 

Joys twinkly fireplace 

Boxing day lunch 

Waiting for more presents! 

More waiting!!!!

Paul delighted with his gnome 

Anna and Ben in London 

Josh and Debs in London 

Chloe and Ed in London. 

All our plans went well apart from a bit of illness, thankfully not me! Makes a change. The food was all lovely and spending family time together was very precious. I think we made more forever memories for my children to store in their hearts. 

I don't have any photos of our hectic Thursday which started at 9am for breakfast and finished at about 9pm when I went to bed! Hopefully Joy will send me some photos she took with her new camera. 


It was lovely to listen in to so many conversations of family members catching up on news. We are so lucky to be able to meet all together even if for some it was only a short time. 

Our week finished with the ballet in London yesterday with Anna  Ben, Chloe, Ed, Paul, Debs, Josh and myself. It was so lovely to be altogether.

As ever I am so grateful to be part of my wonderful family and well enough to do lovely things. 

Reason for the season

 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3 v16 

So here we are Christmas has arrived. How thankful I am to be here and to be at the centre of all happenings rather than sitting on the sofa guiding procedures! I am tired and we have 4 days of activity but I am looking forward to spending it with my family and hoping to have enough energy to be part of everything. 

In the night I found I couldn't sleep and my mind reflected on my journey. I have come so far but every day remains a blessing. I continue to make each day count not knowing how many I have - I hope I can always live like that. 

May I wish you and yours a happy Christmas and a peaceful New Year. Thank you so much for being part of my journey. I hope and pray that you manage to take a few moments out of the business to reflect on the reason for the season - a babe born in a stable who is saviour of the world, who loves you enough to die for you and longs for you to spend eternity with Him. 

Happy Christmas 

Chaotic Mess - Chloe's home

Kitchen mess 

 Well my plans for a tidy house were good ones I did well - but then Chloe and Ed arrived! We had stocking making, sack sewing,  cake decorating, cooking sticky sausages, making gingerbread all happening at the same time! It was a wonderful chaotic mess - and I loved it! 

We just managed to tidy up for our Strictly party. 

Lounge mess with Ed sewing 

Today is a bit of a resting day before the week really begins. 

Papageno with antlers - he wasn't impressed 

Twinkly lights and rosettes ready for Strictly. 

.....and breathe

Today is a day to just breathe - before the adventure begins. I will finish my tidying and what doesn't get done - oh well! I am excited that soon my chicks will be in their nest alongside our adopted chicks. I am SO SO So grateful not to be doing dialysis. So thankful that my blood pressure is controlled at last - only taken 2 1/2 years. So thankful that as far as we know I am cancer free. So thankful that my kidneys are working at 18% . So grateful that although I have many aches they are not really pains and I don't need methotrexate at the moment. So thankful that I am loved. 

Christmas Plans

Packed day today - doing bits and pieces along with visiting my lovely school. It feels so strange to be in school but not part of the chaos that is the last week of term. It was lovely to see everyone. 

Tomorrow I am going to be pampered and hopefully will have beautiful nails in time for Christmas. Then hopefully I am going to Senior Prize Giving at Ben's school. He has been awarded a prize for singing. I say hopefully because he has been quite poorly this week but hopefully will be better enough to go tomorrow. 

Friday will be full of last minute stuff and tidying ready for the week ahead. 

Saturday - Chloe and Ed  home, last shopping, cooking, icing cake and Strictly Final. My Strictly Sparkle Dress will get its first outing. 

Sunday - Church, roast dinner with Chloe, Ed, Paul and Ben, followed by Live Nativity in Wokingham performed by our sister church. 

Christmas Eve - meal at ours with Joy, Matt, Adam, Talia, Chloe, Ed, Ben, Paul and I. 

Christmas Day - Church then lunch at Joy and Matts (the first time I am not cooking Christmas day lunch for over 20 years) Lovely to enjoy my birthday without having to cook. 

Boxing Day - Josh and Debs arrive and we are having a day as family. I love Boxing Day lunch best 

Thursday - whole family day at ours about 19 of us! 

Friday - rest day! 

Saturday - London - Royal Opera House with Josh, Debs, Chloe, Ed , Ben, Anna and Paul. We are seeing a mixed programme including Firebird. Followed by Tapas. A lovely way to end the wonderful week. 

I have spent ages trying to decide what to eat. Normally I do Christmas day and I do the same thing each year. The other days take more thinking! 

Christmas Eve we are having a buffet with cold salmon and ham with spiced peaches (good old Nigella) salads and potato skins, followed by pavlova or cherry cheesecake. 

Boxing day we will have cold ham, cold turkey, cheese, jacket pots, cous-cous, coleslaw, salad and of course pickles and my newly tried cranberry relish, white chocolate cheesecake or Christmas pudding with brandy butter 

Thursday we will have vegetable lasagne,  coq au vin or sausages, new potatoes or garlic bread, salad, pomegranate cous-cous, winter slaw, lemon freeze(a family recipe essential for Christmas) 

Hopefully this will all work out well. We of course have the Christmas cake to fill any gaps - it is big enough to feed an army! 

I will pop in here when I can but in the meantime let me wish you all 
A very  happy Christmas and a peaceful New Year or 

Ngikufisela uKhisimusi oMuhle noNyaka oMusha oNempumelelo in Zulu

สุขสันต์วันคริสต์มาส และสวัสดีปีใหม่ in Thai

God jul og godt nytt år in Norwegian

QISmaS DatIvjaj 'ej DIS chu' DatIvjaj (sg)
QISmaS botIvjaj 'ej DIS chu' botIvjaj (pl)       in Klingon 

Buon Natale e felice anno nuovo in Italian

Maligayang pasko at manigong bagong taon! in Filipino 

Death is nothing at all

Death is nothing at all

I have only slipped away into the next room

I am I and you are you

Whatever we were to each other

That we are still

Call me by my own familiar name

Speak to me in the easy way you always used

Put no difference into your tone

Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow

Laugh as we always laughed

At the little jokes we always enjoyed together

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was

Let it be spoken without effort

Without the ghost of a shadow in it

Life means all that it ever was

There is absolute unbroken continuity

What is death but a negligible accident?

Why should I be out of mind

Because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you for an interval

Somewhere very near

Just around the corner

All is well.

Nothing is past; nothing is lost

One brief moment and all will be as it was before

How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!

Canon Henry Scott-Holland, Canon of St Paul's Cathedral (1847 - 1918)

Death has been much on my mind and I am sure on many of your minds too as we hear of the shooting in Connecticut. I have been praying often for the families whose arms ache to hold their loved ones, whose homes are empty because  their child isn't there. Yesterday a young man told me about the funeral he had attended last week, for his uncle. He spoke of his own sadness for his dad (it was his brother) and how he hadn't wanted to speak about his uncle in case it made his dad sad. He then told me many things he remembered about him, especially things which had made him laugh. He smiled as he told me, his eyes bright with tears. In his description I almost could imagine this man, loved by his family and friends. We chatted about how good it is to talk about the person. This poem reminds me how I felt after my parents died (9 months apart) that they were just a breath away, just around the corner as the poem describes. I felt that heaven was just through a curtain and they would be there. Death is always sad, even more so when it is your child but how wonderful is it to believe that we shall see them again in heaven.  

‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Rev 21v4

For to us a child is born,

    to us a son is given,

    and the government will be on his shoulders.

And he will be called

    Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,

    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

⁷ 

Of the greatness of his government and peace

    there will be no end.

He will reign on David’s throne

    and over his kingdom,

establishing and upholding it

    with justice and righteousness

    from that time on and forever.

The zeal of the Lord Almighty

    will accomplish this. Isaiah 9 v 6-7

Last nights carol service was really lovely. I wish I could capture the scene better with my camera. It was so lovely arriving to a pathway lit with twinkly lights inviting you to come and worship. The church looks so beautiful lit by candles with our lovely flowers decorating the windows. The choir sang beautifully and led us in lots of carols. In a packed church we heard that thankfully Christmas isn't about being 'naughty or nice' and receiving presents only if we have been good but it's all about being given the best present of all - Jesus - which is not dependent on us being good but given because we are loved by the Father. A Father who willingly gave his son for us. There is no greater gift. 

J I hope you don't mind but I have 'borrowed' your photos as they are so much better than mine and show the beautiful colours of the flowers. T,D and S I hope you don't mind your photos here. 

This week is a week of preparation! Last minute shopping, lots of cooking, watering flowers to keep them looking nice for next weekend, wrapping presents, tutoring, more cooking, Ben's carol service, senior prize giving at school, more cooking, cake icing, more present wrapping and maybe some hospital results.  

I will also be trying to find time for reflection. In this busy time it is so easy to forget what it is all about. I know that I must put aside my desire for everything to be perfect and let God speak to my heart and change me. 

I hope your week is not too busy for you to find time to reflect. 

 The flower arranging went well and they look lovely. I must work out how to take pictures with my phone when the light streams through the windows of the church. The colours look great and will look even more lovely tonight at the carol service when the candles are lit. I love the twirly twigs that are painted gold and the catkins, also painted gold which catch the light. Every windowsill has flowers which is lovely. 

My thoughts are turning often to the families in Connecticut who have lost their children. How hard it must be for them - their arms must long to hold them.  

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34v18 

They are in my thoughts and prayers. We don't have any answers to such evil acts, except that God is there in the midst of them understanding their pain. His own Son was killed too. 

Today church this morning, roast dinner, this afternoon we are attempting to make Grasmere gingerbread following Jamie's recipe and then carol service this evening. 

My blog is wearing its winter clothes, while the dark skies gather outside. 

Today I am spending the day flower arranging. I am looking forward to transforming (hopefully) these buckets of flowers into wonderful arrangements.  I really love the colours, lime green, pale green and scarlet  Just right for Christmas with a touch of gold. I am also looking forward to spending time with some lovely ladies. 

It has been a slightly quieter week and I am feeling better for it. Not going out in the evenings is definitely helping. 

The weekend has plenty to fill it but not overflow! I hope you all have at least a little time to reflect over the weekend. 

Very early start this morning - so glad for my lovely husband who scrapped the car. I had an early appointment for an echo of my heart. The girl who did it was very good and explained what she was doing and a little of what she was seeing. I will have to wait for the results from the rheumatologist,  hopefully. It looks like my heart has settled down a bit since I have finished dialysis. The muscles are still enlarged around my heart as a result of the high blood pressure but the actual chambers of my heart are at the top end of normal,. The bit I don't know about is my valves which they were looking at specifically because of the scleroderma - we shall see. 

Our Christmas cards have moved from my bedroom where they were written to the front door but they still haven't reached the post box - maybe tomorrow! At least they now have stamps. 

The next 2 days are dedicated to church flowers - tomorrow we buy them and clear the old ones from the church and Friday we spend the day arranging. Photos hopefully at the weekend. 

Good morning all! What a beautiful frosty morning. The world looks like it has been painted white. 

Today I am feeling better and looking forward to getting on with life. I am having coffee with a friend and hoping to do some cooking this afternoon. I am trying to get as much done for Christmas as possible so that I can enjoy my time with the family here. I must also tackle the house as it looks like a Christmas making fairy has been and left all her bits and pieces everywhere! 

My Christmas shopping is nearly done - just a few more presents to go. The cards are done but the trickiest bit still needs to happen - the stamps! Why does it always become such a problem to get the stamps and get them stuck on? 

 My Busy Week 

I am so sorry for being absent this week! I have had such a busy week and now am collapsed in my bed! I spent last night being sick – my body saying enough I think. But I did have a lovely week.

My week began with a mammoth cooking session - this photo is cranberry chutney.  Such beautiful colours and the smell filled the house for days.    

 Chloe and I then made the biggest Christmas Cake ever! I think it will feed the family for months - shame they don't all like it! We now have to marzipan and ice it! And of course decorate it! 

 The tree went up last weekend. We have a lovely little tree which we have had for the last 3 years - it is slowly growing and is now in a larger pot. It is crammed full of home made decorations and ones bought in special places - I love it. In the decorations box there was a note I wrote last year to myself (or whoever would be decorating the tree if not me) saying how excited I was about the new year and all that we had planned. I shall make this a tradition now to write a note for myself for the year ahead. 

 During the week I went to Basildon Park - a National Trust house which had been decorated and set up as if it was Christmas Eve and you were arriving for the Christmas period. It was delightful! My friend D and I imagined we had arrived at the doors of the house on Christmas Eve in our finery and our horse drawn carriage. It was very peaceful and not busy. Each room had little touches of Christmas - down to the coat thrown over the bed and the shopping bags in the corner with the suitcases and the table set for a wonderful meal.  The walkway up from the car park was lit with fairy lights. It helped that it was a cold, crisp, sunny day and the house looked very stately. A really beautiful day. 

Tuesday evening we went to Ben's concert. I was a very proud Mummy! He played his trombone  in the concert band - lovely to see him playing after a long gap. And then he sang the solo in a barber shop style group - which included him jumping from the stage - whilst singing! The whole standard of the evening was amazing. The boys are so talented. 

 My hospital appointment went well (see previous post). I also spent a morning buying flowers etc... for the table decorations we demonstrated on Saturday at our church ladies breakfast. 

House-group meal was lovely. Great to spend time just chatting and eating lovely food. We do food well at church! 

On Thursday Paul and I went up to London to St Paul's cathedral for The Messiah. I hadn't ever been inside the cathedral - despite living down the road for 2 years! It is very beautiful with the most amazing mosaic ceiling covered in sparkle. A great building for a great God. 

 The singing, as you can imagine, was brilliant - such brave little choristers. Many times I would have liked to join in - not that I can sing anymore - not enough puff! 

Friday was a mammoth table decoration day  - we made 8 for the tables at the breakfast and prepared the talk. They did look very lovely in the hall. Well worth all the effort! 

 The breakfast was scrummy and included Bucks Fizz and Nigella's breakfast muffins. No Christmas breakfast should be without them. At the tables we had the most lovely reindeer or Christmas pudding cake pops made by A (who certainly fits the description of 'if you want something done ask a busy woman'). L's talk was just right for the audience and had us all thinking about the perfect invitation we have been given by God. She reminded us that Christmas is not about preparing a perfect Christmas but preparing our hearts for Jesus. 

I need to remember this in all the business of this time and ask myself - what is my heart like? How easy it is to loose sight of that amongst the trimmings, presents and business. 

 Saturday afternoon was wreath and fireplace decorating while everyone was out being busy else where. 

Sunday was my last bookstall until January - now just need to sort the books and put them away. I so need a bigger house for all my projects! Or a room to hide them in! 

In the afternoon we had a mammoth cooking/icing/making session. Chloe, Ed and I made cakes for Cameo this afternoon and decorated them with poinsettias. I then had a sleep and Chloe and Ed made cake pops (much harder than you think) and chocolate spoons. The kitchen looked like a bomb site once they had finished but we have lovely wrapped items. 

Paul and I left them to clear up and went to The Town Hall in Reading to hear The Sixteen (a choir) singing very beautifully, just their voices. You can hear them here 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjuZL6v2H9A . So many parts singing perfectly together - it was very beautiful. However by the time we came home (after over  half hour wait for the train) I was exhausted. 

So today I have taken to my bed! Exhausted but very happy having had such a full week. I think even a 'normal' person would be tired after that week! It has reminded me that although it is great to say yes to most things I MUST put in rest times otherwise my body enforces it! And then I let people down. So this week will be a more gentle week of preparing, hospital appointments, finished off with a day of church flowers to decorate the church for Christmas. 

I am looking forward to telling you all about my week - but I am a bit too busy to give you all the details at the moment! This time last year I was writing about one busy day followed by one quiet day - this week it has been busy every day and 3 evenings too. Wow! I have had slower mornings to help cope with the busy days and evenings and I have tried to rest in the middle of the day when possible but I have been busy and I love it. My house is full of half started projects and we are tripping over flowers, greenery, tablecloths  napkins, books and more books, cards, cooking projects, wrapping paper, shopping bags........... my life is full to over flowing and I am SO grateful. (Not sure Paul is so grateful for the mess) 

Today we are going to London to visit St Pauls and then to hear The Messiah sung in St Pauls. It should be really lovely in that setting. I am looking forward to seeing London lit up for Christmas. 

Great news from my renal consultant today - if I can come off my epo (injection which tells my body to make red blood cells) I won't need to go to the renal clinic any more! Wow! I would then only go back if I had any renal problems - my GP would refer me back. So I will begin reducing my epo this week. So March might be my last ever renal appointment. That is amazing news as they had assumed that I would need to be seen by a renal team for the rest of my life but my kidneys are so stable that she felt I could continue with the other care I have only going back if I had problems again. 

Unfortunately she couldn't explain my lung function tests as she hadn't got them. This was disappointing but means I will have to get in touch and possibly see a rheumatologist. I will wait until I have had my echo on my heart and then be in touch with them. She did make me feel like I was a nuisance for asking about that despite being told I would be given the results by her! 

We discussed my blood pressure tablets and she reluctantly agreed to let me stay on the ones I am on. My blood pressure was the lowest it has ever been in clinic today so I think that helped. So stable blood pressure and stable kidneys - fantastic! That's a great Christmas present. Just need to find out about my lungs! 

Off to house-group Christmas meal this evening - lovely. 

So more hand holding! My blood tests are fine - showing stable kidneys at about 18% . I always open up the blood tests hoping they will be more normal but hey -ho stable is good. Also my potassium and phosphates are in a normal range for kidney patients which is good as my diet has been relaxed a bit. 

The hand holding comes with my lung function tests. It is a little complicated but I will try to explain what I know. The lung function test showed that my lungs have a normal capacity for my age and height but that not enough oxygen gets into my blood stream from my lungs. this can be caused by many things - in me it could be radiotherapy damage to my lungs (he seemed to think this was unlikely), scleroderma damage to the tissues , could be old damage or active damage, or problems with my heart. It explains my difficulty with singing, stairs and hills and is another reason for my tiredness! I will have some more tests to see what is going on. At my renal appointment next week I will be able to have a bit of a chat about it. As long as its not caused by active disease I think it may just be something that I live with. It's not as if I was about to climb any mountains anyway! The technician who did the tests was brilliant - explaining everything as we went along. It was very interesting. The one who holds my hand knows and is in charge. 

This weekend - Christmas decorating, tidying, more cooking for freezer, bookstall twice on Sunday, prayers at church and ironing. My ironing pile (well my 2 ironing piles) are falling all over the place and must get done this weekend. I seem to remember days when I said that I would love to do the ironing - mmmm those days have gone!