Sadness and joy.....

Beautiful spring flowers......

 Over the last few days I have been struggling with feeling sad. As I have started to feel better I have realised what I have been through and how much further I still have to go. I am also aware that this may be my more normal. Chronic illness is so hard to cope with as it is always there - just peeping around the corner. I had reached a happy medium of being busy and also of resting. But this has really thrown everything back.

......that arrived in the post yesterday.

 I am now back to just doing one thing a day with a few home bits and pieces. I know it will get better still but I have to accept that with the rheumatoid rearing its head again I have to accept that I have more limitations. Anyone who knows me and all of you who have followed my journey will know that I am a planner. New year - new plans! But this year I can't see very far ahead to plan. Even the exciting things that are to come this year feel hard as I don't know how well I will be. 

I apologise for this post - it is full of self-pity but I did always want to be honest here and speak of the joys and the sorrows, the ups and the downs.

As I have thought about this I have realised that I have stopped looking for the joy in each day and have focussed on all I can't do. How easily we take our eyes off that and then it is a downward spiral into self-pity.

A wonderful present of yellow daffodils promising spring is coming

 So I have included photos of the things that have given me joy recently. Today I will be looking for more things to be thankful for. I am going to try and focus on what I can do rather than what I can't. And I am going to try and stop worrying about all that I can't get done.

Beautiful deer

My evening companion

Holiday booked to St Ives

A pre-loved mixer coming soon

Daffodils planted in the autumn flowering now

My pile of books to read - plenty to keep me going!

I am going to put my hand back in the hand of the creator and trust that He knows what He is doing. Together we will take little steps into the future and I will try not to look beyond today!