This has been a tough week. I am still struggling with some background nausea and knew that I had to speak to the hospital to tell them I had stopped taking one of my drugs. For me it is always a balancing act between the need for drugs and the difficulties of the side effects. My kidneys hold onto the drugs much longer meaning that I have more side effects or that they last longer at lower doses. The azathioprine had been making me very sick and eventually I couldn't cope with the sickness any more. Some level of nausea and sickness is ok but I was being sick 2,3 and sometimes 4 times a day. It is very hard to manage life when you are that sick and even harder to cook. After a discussion with the GP, who told me that I was looking more poorly than she had seen me we decided that I shouldn't restart the drug but phone the hospital. They were very helpful and I have a few options to try before I go back for my appointment at the end of August. It looks like it is a bit of trial and error ! Unfortunately these drugs take ages to work and ages to leave your system so it takes a long time to work out whether I can manage without them or what dose I can tolerate. Basically I am turning my immune system down so that it doesn't fight my body but not so much that I can't tolerate the side effects.
This has all been very hard and has left me struggling to cope. I love being busy and nausea and sickness make this very difficult. I have lost sight of the plan and I am never happy without a plan! Thankfully my ladies have reminded me that God is in control and has a plan even if I have taken my eyes off it. How easy it is to sink into the poor me place and wallow! Never a good thing to do! So today I am going to ' fix my eyes upon Jesus' .....' and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of his wonder and grace'
This weekend we are going to Chatham to stay with Chloe and Ed before they move to Kingston. We are hoping to visit Canterbury Cathedral. I hope you all have lovely weekend plans in the sunshine.
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